


The Villains In My Head

by JetBlackButterfly



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Emotional Manipulation, Eventual Happy Ending, First Kiss, Fix-It of Sorts, Force Bond (Star Wars), Hurt/Comfort, Implied Padmé Amidala/Sabé, M/M, Movie: Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith, Mutual Pining, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape/Non-con Elements, References to Depression, Self-Harm, Slow Burn, That's Not How The Force Works
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:20:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 15
Words: 51,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23502232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JetBlackButterfly/pseuds/JetBlackButterfly
Summary: The Force has been clouded by darkness for too long and balance must be restored. Sometimes, the darkest paths can lead us to where we’re truly meant to be...
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi/Anakin Skywalker, Padmé Amidala & Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 140
Kudos: 283





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or storylines in the Star Wars universe. 
> 
> Possible trigger warnings for some of the themes present in this story. I’m not 100% sure where I want this story to go so I will update the tags accordingly and add warnings for the relevant chapters. So, without further ado... here’s my attempt at a Revenge of the Sith fix-it fic.

Obi-Wan was skeptical to say the least; the Jedi Council had received an anonymous tip claiming that General Grievous was hiding somewhere within the Utapau system. Of course this was good news; after Grievous’ escape just days earlier, Obi-Wan had doubted how much longer it would be until he resurfaced and what danger his return would cause the Republic to suffer.

Being one step ahead was always a great relief to the Council and yet he couldn’t shake the deep, niggling feeling that something wasn’t quite right... Maybe it was because the council had no choice but to base their action plan off of one largely unreliable source of information. Or maybe it was just Obi-Wan’s complete disbelief that General Grievous had chosen Utapau _, of all places,_ as his refuge.

Whatever it was, the feeling only continued to grow as he approached the apartment...

The reason for Obi-Wan’s uneasiness was all but confirmed as soon as he walked through the door. Anakin was sat on the couch looking resigned, clearly deep in thought. His former padawan’s distress was palpable and not something he could easily ignore. He was used to Anakin’s brooding but something about this just felt _different.  
_

“Anakin? Is everything alright?” He asked, pausing for a few seconds to wait for a response that simply wasn’t coming. Either he hadn’t heard him or he was choosing to not answer the question.

He tried again, slightly louder this time. “Anakin?”

As Obi-Wan began to move closer, Anakin looked up, only now seeming to notice that the man standing in front of him had returned from his meeting. A half-smile formed on his face and his shoulders relaxed as some of his tension began to dissipate.

”Master! How was the meeting?” The upbeat tone sounded forced and Obi-wan knew Anakin well enough to know that it _was_ forced. However, if Anakin did not want to talk about whatever it was that was troubling him then Obi-Wan would respect his wishes.

 _It’s probably about Padmé anyway_ he thought bitterly. If Anakin told him that she was the reason for his agitation, it would only lead to a lecture about attachments and none of them particularly wanted that. Besides, Obi-Wan told himself, he was no longer Anakin’s master and this wasn’t his responsibility anymore. At the very least, it wasn’t worth causing an argument.

”The meeting was fine Anakin. In fact, the council has received an anonymous tip concerning the General Grievous situation. Apparently he is hiding out somewhere in the Utapau system.”

”Oh yeah, I heard about that.” Came the reply.

“You heard about that?” Obi-Wan prompted as he took a seat on the couch opposite to where Anakin was sitting.

”Yeah I–,” He cleared his throat and looked briefly uncomfortable. “Chancellor Palpatine mentioned it. Today. When I saw him.” 

This confused Obi-Wan slightly. How did the Chancellor know of General Grievous’ location? Unless someone on the council had informed him before their meeting, which wouldn’t be too surprising. After all, the Senate had granted the Chancellor emergency powers due to the increasing political unrest in the galaxy.

Something about the man unsettled Obi-Wan but he couldn’t quite grasp what it was. It wasn’t unreasonable; Obi-Wan had always held some level of distrust towards politicians. But from what he could gather, no one else shared his unease. Hell, Anakin himself spent enough time with the man and never had a bad word to say about him. 

“Of course. Did you enjoy your time with the Chancellor at the opera house?”

A violent red flushed his face, fading almost as quickly as it came.

“Um, yeah, it was great.” He said, bringing his hand up to his face as he began to chew on a nail. “Very interesting.”

”Interesting, huh?” Obi-wan smiled. Anakin had never really enjoyed the opera. “There is another meeting tomorrow about the Grievous situation, I presume you will be attending?”

“Yes, Master. I have no other commitments.” He replied.

“What have I told you, Anakin?” He said, shaking his head fondly. “I am no longer your master, there is no need to refer to me as such.”

”Obi-Wan.” Anakin corrected himself. 

They sat together in silence for a few minutes. Obi-Wan noticed that Anakin’s face had returned to the same thoughtful expression it wore when he had come in earlier. Absentmindedly picking at a thread on his sleeve, the atmosphere surrounding him was melancholy. It was so unlike Anakin to be silent for this long.

”Anakin, are you sure that you’re okay?” He asked, keeping his voice steady.

The man sitting opposite him seemed to startle at the sudden noise but quickly managed to compose himself. He let out a short laugh, waving his hand in an effort to dismiss any concerns. “Oh, Obi-Wan, you do worry too much. I’m just tired, that’s all.”

That would make sense. Both himself and Anakin had been subjected to a tremendous amount of missions in the recent months. His exhaustion was justified and expected; Obi-Wan felt the same way himself.

”In fact, if you don’t mind, I think I shall go to bed.” Anakin said, rising from his seat. “It’s getting late.”

“I agree. Goodnight, Anakin.”

Before turning to leave, Anakin flashed him a quick smile. Obi-Wan returned it but Anakin was already gone, having disappeared in the shadow of a black cloak. The man sighed as he stared at the now empty couch, wondering what it was that had gotten Anakin so upset. 

***

Later that night, Obi-Wan heard Anakin pacing back and forth in his room. He had given up trying to ignore the muffled thuds of his footsteps and had therefore given up with trying to sleep. It had been over an hour since Anakin had excused himself to go to bed and Obi-Wan was beginning to worry.

He sat in bed mentally cursing himself for letting Anakin leave without explanation. It pained him to see him suffer so much; as much as he lectured Anakin about the dangers of forming attachments, he had to admit he was very much attached to someone himself. Without Anakin, Obi-Wan did not know what he would do. 

It was only a matter of time before Anakin would leave him. Now that Anakin was officially a Jedi knight, it wouldn’t be much longer before the two went their separate ways. They still went on missions together because even Mace Windu admitted that they worked better together. Even their force bond was unusually strong; the relief he had felt when Anakin had decided to remain living in the same apartment, even for just a little while longer was indescribable. Quite frankly, he was ashamed with himself for feeling that way. Still, no one had to know, right?

Despite this, Obi-Wan had to acknowledge the relationship Anakin had with Padmé. He would have to be a fool to not notice how much time Anakin spends sneaking away to visit her. One of his greatest fears was that one day, Anakin would leave the Jedi order so that he could be with her. It wasn’t that he was _jealous._ No, it was more that he couldn’t stand to lose his partner and not have a reason to see him anymore.   
  


_Ok, so maybe he was jealous._

_  
_ Obi-Wan rolled over with a sigh. He was a Jedi, for kriff’s sake. A hypocrite too, he reminded himself, remembering all of those times he had chided Anakin for the exact same reasons.

The steady rhythm of the pacing next door was broken by a soft thwack. 

He should probably go and see if everything is okay. Listening a bit harder, he noticed that the sound of footsteps had now subsided. Anakin was probably sleeping now. If he wasn’t, he would only feel guilty and embarrassed that he had been keeping Obi-Wan awake. 

Whatever the matter was, it could wait until morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I tried?
> 
> For my first ever piece of fanfiction, I think it could be worse. After years of reading fanfiction to the point where it’s probably unhealthy, I have decided to write some of my own. Yay! I mean, my whole country is in lockdown at the moment so I don’t really have anything else to do... 
> 
> At the moment I’ve got a rough plan for where I want this story to go but that could always change. We’ll see...
> 
> Anyway, I’ll shut up because I need sleep. Thanks for reading :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we’re back with a second chapter, written in Anakin‘s POV to spice things up a bit! Exciting, I know, but have you ever heard the Tragedy Of Darth Plagueis The Wise? That’s something else...  
> Anyway, trigger warnings for this chapter as there is mild self harm towards the end. Please skip it if you are not in the right headspace <3

Anakin couldn’t sleep and pacing back and forth certainly wasn’t helping very much. If he could just take a break and allow his mind to recover from the stress of the day, he was sure that he would find thinking a whole lot easier. But he couldn’t let himself sleep; not now. Not when he felt so helpless and not when there was so little time.

He kept replaying the events of the evening over and over again in his head, trying to make sense of them.

***

After receiving a message from the Chancellor asking Anakin to meet him at the Galaxies Opera House, he had wondered what it could be about. Before leaving, he had cleared it with the Council who were more than happy to let him skip the meeting if it was to meet with Palpatine; after all, they were the ones who had asked Anakin to spy on the man in the first place. They didn’t trust the Chancellor. Anakin had thought even the mere suggestion was unreasonable.

It was only recently that he had been allowed a seat on the Council after the Chancellor had appointed him as his own personal representative. While he had been infuriated with the Council because of their decision to not grant him the rank of master (it was unheard of and quite frankly, insulting), even he understood what an achievement this was at such a young age. He was aware that skipping a meeting so soon after being appointed was risky and likely to be frowned upon by certain members of the Council that already held a dislike for him. The last thing he wanted was to do something that could cause the Council to reverse their decision. At least he was able to use the excuse of spying on the Chancellor to persuade them. Either way, he would hate to disappoint his friend. He owed all of his success to the Chancellor.

As soon as he had entered the Opera House, he had felt rather out of place; Anakin had never been particularly interested in attending the Opera before, he had never really understood the appeal. As he walked through the wide and airy corridor that led to his friend’s private viewing box, he had to focus on ignoring the stares of disapproval radiating from everyone he passed. He really did not belong here. Everyone could tell.

“You wanted to see me, Chancellor?” He asked, having bent down in an effort to not disrupt the ongoing performance and to keep their discussion somewhat private.

“Yes, Anakin. Come closer, I have good news.” The Chancellor answered.

Closer? Was this not close enough? Nevertheless, Anakin obeyed the order and shortened the distance between them so that he was leaning on the arm of the man’s chair. It was quite strange being this close to the Chancellor. He was almost close enough to count each individual hair on the man’s thin and wispy eyebrows. That thought alone caused the situation to become very uncomfortable, very quickly, at least from Anakin’s perspective.

The Chancellor had told him how he’d received news concerning the location of General Grievous. The leader of the Separatist droid army had been found recovering from the loss of Count Dooku on the planet of Utapau.

”At last, we’ll be able to capture that monster and end the war.” He replied, trying not to let his friend see his complete relief at the revelation. It was amazing news, because now he’d be able to sleep without having to worry about where the infamous Jedi hunter had escaped to and when he was next planning to attack. He glanced at the Chancellor, who was staring intently at where Anakin was crouched on the floor.

”Yes, indeed.” The Chancellor responded. “You know, I would be very worried about the wisdom of the council if they didn’t select you for this assignment. You’re the best choice by far.”

Anakin didn’t know how to respond to that so he remained where he was on the floor. After a few seconds of silence, the Chancellor had dismissed his aides and told Anakin to take a seat, gesturing to the chair next to him.

As soon as they left, the atmosphere had shifted. It was so subtle, it was barely perceptible. 

”Anakin. You know I am not able to rely on the Jedi council.” His tone was slow and deliberate which only made Anakin feel more apprehensive about the situation. “If they haven’t included you in their plot, they soon will.”

”I’m not sure I understand.” He replied, choosing his words carefully. It’s not like his response was a lie as he truly had no idea what the man sitting next to him was talking about.

”You must sense what I have come to suspect. The Council want control of the Republic. They are planning to betray me.”

The words hung heavy in the air and Anakin tried not to let his discomfort show, forcing his expression to remain neutral. He turned to face the Chancellor who was clearly awaiting a response.

”That cannot be true. The Jedi are selfless and they value the preservation of the Republic.”

The Chancellor sighed. “Maybe you aren’t seeing the whole picture. Can you tell me honestly that you have complete trust in them?”

Did the Chancellor think he was being wilfully ignorant? Perhaps purposefully turning a blind eye towards the Jedi’s behaviour? Anakin thought back to when he was first asked to report on the man and his dealings. The Jedi had raised their suspicions after they realised the Chancellor had managed to hold his position in office long after his term had expired. Yes, Anakin could see why they had deemed the matter unusual, but he was confident that his friend had nothing but the best of intentions.

“I have to admit, my trust in them has been shaken.”

”Why?” The chancellor asked, simply raising an eyebrow before continuing. “They asked you to do something that made you feel dishonest, didn’t they? They asked you to spy on me.”

Anakin’s breath caught in his throat at the last sentence, which was really more of a statement than a question. How could Palpatine have known that? The way the man spoke with such calmness was chilling. Anakin was surprised at the complete lack of anger in his voice which only made him feel more ashamed about his role in the whole ordeal. As of yet, he had discovered no information worthy of relaying to the Council. Still, a voice deep inside of him said, that did not mean there wasn’t any to find. He was doubtful that there ever would be but he also knew that he had to trust the collective wisdom of the council. He hated himself for even considering the possibility. This was the man who had befriended him and always looked out for him. Never before had he been given any reason to doubt him.

While he hadn’t betrayed his friend’s trust yet, the small technicality did nothing to ease his guilt. The only reason he had agreed to the Council’s demands in the first place was because Obi-Wan had asked him to. He was displeased with the Council because of their decision to use his former master to deliver the request; they must have known how difficult Anakin would find it to say no to the man. Of course he was still irritated by the whole situation but the fact that Obi-Wan also agreed with the Council’s views, although maybe not with their method of obtaining their information is what eventually swayed him.

Anakin realised he had momentarily forgotten to speak.

When he did, he tried to defend the Jedi, telling his friend that they would only ever use their power for good. They would never do what they were being accused of. The Chancellor had only dismissed his argument.

”Good is a point of view, Anakin.” The man responded before leaning back in his seat with a contemplative expression on his face. “The Sith and the Jedi are similar in almost every way.”

Anakin did not like the turn this conversation was taking, however, it was only when the Chancellor began to tell him a story, aptly titled the Tragedy Of Darth Plagueis did Anakin feel truly uncomfortable. He had too many questions and he wasn’t sure if he wanted their answers. Why did the man seem so familiar with the story and why was he telling him about it? How did he even know about it if it was a Sith legend? It was certainly a tale Anakin had never heard before. Yet he also felt a morbid sense of curiosity; was it even possible to learn this power, to be able to prevent your loved ones from dying?

He thought of all the people he loved: Padmé, Obi-Wan, _his mother._ He hadn’t been strong enough to stop her death, but could he be strong enough to stop Obi-Wan’s? To stop Padmé’s? He would gladly die before allowing anything to happen to them, especially if he knew that there was a way he could prevent it. But that would require turning to the dark side of the Force. He couldn’t let his master down like that.

Palpatine must have sensed his internal conflict because he reached out with a surprisingly strong although gnarled hand, resting it on Anakin’s shoulder. Anakin was sure it was meant to be reassuring but it didn’t have the same effect on him as when Obi-Wan did it.

Oh, how he longed for those short, fleeting touches that were such a rare occurrence. And they were becoming even more infrequent now as Anakin had noticed the man becoming more and more distant with each day that passed. He wished they were as close as they had been even just months before. He couldn’t help but wonder what had happened.

The iron grip on his shoulder only tightened throughout the rest of the performance, occasionally rubbing small and painful circles into the material of his robe, likely bruising the skin beneath it too. Anakin had been unable to fully pay attention to what was going on in front of him, even if he wanted to. All he could focus on was the sheer strength of his friend’s fingers digging into his shoulder blade. He didn’t move though, grateful for the way the pain was keeping him grounded. It was the only reason he was able to have some control over his thoughts and stop them from running wild.

As soon as the Opera had finished, the Chancellor asked him to stay longer. Instead, Anakin excused himself, making up a half-hearted lie about needing to go visit Padmé before it became too late. His friend seemed to believe him, pulling his lips into a smile and nodding like he somehow _understood._ At the time, Anakin hadn’t thought much of it, feeling a strange sense of urgency as he rushed out of the building.

He never had any intention of going to visit Padmé tonight. He just needed to get out of there so he could think things through.

***

Anakin desperately wanted to scream, his feet already screaming at him from the hour of non-stop pacing. But he couldn’t scream. Obi-Wan was sleeping in the room next door and he’d be damned if he woke him.

_Obi-Wan._

Obi-Wan had asked him what was wrong and he had lied. Well, not exactly, but he hadn’t told him the truth either. The man had seemed to be concerned and prepared to listen but Anakin couldn’t bring himself to explain what had happened. Not only would his master be disappointed in him and probably angry too, it also painted his friend in a bad light. The Chancellor hadn’t done anything wrong, he was simply having a discussion with a friend. That wasn’t illegal.

 _Yes, but it was a discussion_ _concerning the dark side of the force, no less,_ he reluctantly reminded himself. That seemed like something he should probably mention to the Council. And yet, he didn’t want to betray the man who had already given him everything and had asked for nothing in return. He had already let him down by even agreeing to the Council’s demands. And then, there was also the matter of if he could even trust them...

If he couldn’t scream, he could certainly throw something instead. He looked around and saw a long discarded book which he thought would suffice. He hurled it at the wall as hard as he could, and watched as it hit the spot next to the window before falling to the ground with a soft thud.

That hadn’t helped at all.

It also made a lot more noise than he was expecting it to.

He threw himself down onto his bed in complete despair and laid there for a second, staring at the ceiling. He wasn’t thinking clearly. What was he going to do?

He wanted nothing more than to go to Obi-Wan’s bedroom and wake him up. He always knew what to do and maybe, if he was lucky, Obi-Wan would allow him to sleep in his bed. To help him feel safe from the inevitable nightmares of course, nothing more. But could he even trust him after what the Chancellor had said?

Out of other reasonable options, Anakin tore off the black leather glove that covered his bionic metal hand. He looked down at it in disgust; he couldn’t help but remember how he had lost his real one during that battle with Count Dooku. It was a reminder of all of his failures. But it was also the price he had to pay to protect Obi-Wan. If he hadn’t jumped in when he did, Obi-Wan would be _dead._ He shuddered at the thought.

Sometimes he still had flashbacks.

Anakin flexed it a few times before pressing the fingers to his forearm. As he increased the pressure, the pain became vaguely reminiscent of the pain in his shoulder from earlier with the Chancellor. In fact, if he pressed just a little bit harder, he could probably draw blood. He experimented with it, until eventually four small pinpricks of blood escaped through his broken skin. He could barely even see it in the low light of the room.

He repeated the process again, feeling much calmer now. He had forgotten how much it helped.

After his mother’s death, he had resorted to cutting as a way to deal with all of the guilt and suffering he wasn’t allowed to express because of the Jedi Code. The cuts were almost always superficial; the last time he had went too deep, it had greatly affected his performance in battle, making it unnecessarily difficult to gain the upper hand. The pain had helped for a while but the habit faded away after a few months when the war had reached full swing; it became much harder for him to find any time or privacy to escape, leaving him with only a few barely visible scars that littered his upper thighs.

It didn’t matter that he had done it again. No one knew about it then, no one would know about it now. It didn’t really count anyway. This was nothing more than a slip-up and a mistake. He made mistakes often.

He could already feel himself beginning to fall asleep. It was only a few hours until morning and then everything would be better. He could look at things from a new perspective and see that this whole episode was nothing more than an overreaction.

Yes, everything would be better in the morning. It couldn’t be true that his friend was sympathising with the Sith. And, if somehow it was, Anakin would know exactly what to do about it. He hoped that he had simply misread the situation and came to the wrong conclusion. And then he would realise for certain that the Chancellor had been misinformed about the true intentions of the Council. About Obi-Wan. It was all a big misunderstanding. It had to be.

But most of all, he hoped that this was nothing more than a nightmare; a bad dream. That he could wake up in the morning to find out that none of this had ever happened and everything would continue as normal. The way it was supposed to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I must apologise for what is essentially a shameless rewrite of the original scene... hopefully this chapter being a bit longer makes up for it?
> 
> At the moment, I am planning on updating weekly so please bear with me! I’m really excited about where this story is going and I hope you are enjoying it too :)
> 
> Hope everyone has had a lovely Easter/bank holiday/day or week (whatever it is that you celebrate) ;)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to the third instalment of me shamelessly projecting onto the characters! Hope you enjoy your time here ;)

Although the sun had barely risen above the horizon, Obi-Wan was already wide awake and dressed. Waking up early was a habit of his, even with a poor night’s sleep. There was nothing he loved more than watching as the orange sunrise slowly began to fade into the sky’s more familiar shade of blue. He enjoyed the peacefulness of the morning and relished in the fact that most people wouldn’t be awake to see it. Even the constant noise of traffic in the skylanes was less persistent at this time.

Despite being rather sleep-deprived, Obi-Wan was in unusually good spirits. His morning meditation always left him feeling relaxed and he was singing under his breath as he entered the kitchen.

”Good morning, Master. I never realised what a lovely voice you had.”

Obi-Wan froze in the doorway and bit his lip. He quickly scanned the room, finding an amused looking Anakin leaning against the side of the worktop. He was already dressed and eating from a bowl of fruit.

”Oh! You’re awake.” Obi-Wan’s surprise was evident in his tone of voice, despite his best efforts to keep it concealed. In all the years he had known Anakin, he rarely ever woke up this early. Usually, he wouldn’t surface until he absolutely had to and certainly never before Obi-Wan did.

”Yes, it would appear that way,” Anakin replied, handing him his own bowl. Obi-Wan took it, fingertips brushing against his hand. “Don’t be embarrassed about it, I just haven’t heard you sing before.”

”Yes, that had been for a reason,” Obi-Wan sighed, looking over to Anakin who was now frowning at him.

”You shouldn’t put yourself down, Obi-Wan. I like your voice,” Anakin said, sounding sincere. Since he had entered the room, Anakin had hardly broken eye contact. Obi-Wan found that he couldn’t quite tear his gaze away either.

”Are you feeling alright? You were awake long before me, decided to make me breakfast and now you’re insisting on trying to compliment me.”

Anakin shrugged his shoulders. “Is there any reason why I cannot do those things?”

”No, of course not. It’s just... unexpected.”

”Well, what use is it making you breakfast if you’re just going to stand there and question me about it?” Anakin remarked, gesturing at the forgotten bowl in Obi-Wan’s hands.

”It’s not like you did anything more than putting some fruit in a bowl, Anakin.” Obi-Wan said with a smile.

”Hey, it still took me a lot of time! Anyway, I didn’t think you’d appreciate it if I tried to cook for you again.” Anakin gave him a knowing look before laughing. “Not after last time.”

”Yes, that was quite something.” Obi-Wan had to hold back a shudder as the memory resurfaced. Anakin’s last attempt at cooking had ended disastrously with the end product being completely unrecognisable as food. It was concerning how someone could manage to make something so horribly inedible while doing nothing more than following the recipe. Both had agreed it was probably best if he stayed out of the kitchen for a while.

”Just wait ‘til you see my pancakes,” Anakin said, placing his bowl down by the sink.

Obi-Wan scoffed. “You’ve never made pancakes in your life.”

Anakin laughed as he nudged Obi-Wan’s shoulder. “For all you know, my pancakes could be world famous.”

“I sincerely doubt that,” Obi-Wan replied, shaking his head.

Anakin just smiled. “I’ll see you later?”

”Okay.”

However, once Anakin had left, Obi-Wan realised that he had forgotten to ask what had been bothering him the night before. He supposed it would have to wait until later.

Early afternoon, Obi-Wan made his way up to the Council Chamber. He had spent most of the morning running errands so he had not had a chance to speak to Anakin since breakfast. However, as soon as he entered the room, he noticed how everyone, including Anakin, was already seated. He made his way over to his seat, painfully aware of the way everyone was eyeing him. He hadn’t realised how late he was.

”My apologies! I do hope you weren’t all waiting for me,” Obi-Wan said, despite knowing for a fact that they were. It wasn’t his fault, he had simply lost track of time. However, for someone who was usually so punctual, this incident was particularly shameful and filled Obi-Wan with a deep-seated embarrassment he tried to hide.

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Anakin attempting to cover up his laughter with a well-timed cough. It really wasn’t helping.

”Not at all, Master Kenobi. Now, please, let us commence with the meeting.” Windu didn’t sound particularly impressed but to Obi-Wan’s relief, he chose to move on to the more pressing matter. “Clone Intelligence Units have confirmed General Grievous to be hiding on Utapau, as suspected. We must act quickly and decisively, before he strikes again.”

Everyone nodded in agreement although no one moved to make any suggestions.

That is, until Anakin spoke up. “If I may, Master Windu, but Chancellor Palpatine has requested that I lead the campaign.”

”The Council will decide who is to carry out the mission, not you, and certainly not the Chancellor.” The dismissal was quick, leaving no room for argument. 

“A master is needed, with more experience,” Yoda added. His voice sounded distorted which reminded Obi-Wan that he was not physically present. He wasn’t the only one; the Jedi were spread thinly across the galaxy as a result of the ongoing war. Realisation dawned on him that if Anakin wasn’t going, that didn’t leave the council with many other options.

As soon as that thought had escaped his mind, Mundi offered his opinion. “I think our best option is for Master Kenobi to go.”

No one else had any objections and so it was decided; Obi-Wan would go to Utapau. 

The rest of the meeting seemed to drag on but Obi-Wan couldn’t pay attention anyway. All he could feel was a pair of eyes burning into him as he stared at the floor. When he did risk a glance in their direction, he couldn’t help but notice how visibly disappointed Anakin was. There was something else there too although he couldn’t quite pinpoint what it was. 

It only made him feel more guilty.

Once the meeting had concluded, Obi-Wan was the first to leave. He was due to depart for Utapau in only a couple of hours and he had to prepare.

”Obi-Wan! Please, wait!” Anakin shouted from behind him, sounding far away and slightly out of breath. He stopped, waiting for Anakin to catch up with him. This was exactly what he had been hoping to avoid.

”Whatever is the matter? Did you just run all the way down here?”

Anakin had leant against the wall, nodding while trying to catch his breath. It was almost ironic how he could fight for hours in battle only to be defeated by the simple act of running.

“I had to. You just disappeared before I-,” Anakin stopped mid-sentence, trying to communicate the rest through meaningless gesturing. He looked around, realising he was getting nowhere and grabbed Obi-Wan’s wrist. “Just come with me.”

Obi-Wan let himself be led down an empty hallway that was rarely used. He had been aware of a group of padawans staring at them after Anakin’s outburst had attracted their attention. Maybe some privacy was best, especially if the conversation was leading to where he thought it was.

”Is everything alright?” He asked after they had stopped halfway down the corridor. This time, there was no one else in sight.

Anakin’s face twisted as he seemed to be considering what he was going to say. He took a deep breath before speaking.

”I’m just going to come right out and say it: you can’t go to Utapau.” He paused before continuing, “I mean, you could but I’d like it if you didn’t. Please?”

Obi-Wan stood there feeling rather astounded, at a loss of what to say. He had expected Anakin to complain about the Council or to possibly berate him for accepting the mission he so clearly wanted. What he hadn’t been expecting was this.

”You know it’s not my choice, Anakin. It has already been decided.” He studied his face, noticing how it wore the same expression it had during the meeting.

”No, you need to listen to me!”

”Believe me, I am. But you’re going to have to tell me what this is about. You’re not-,” He hesitated, not really wanting to finish the sentence. “You’re not jealous, are you?”

”Of course not!” Anakin said, raising his voice although he didn’t sound angry. He just sounded desperate. “I know the Council has chosen you for this mission but is it possible someone else could go?”

”You still haven’t told me why you don’t want me to go. I can’t do anything until I know what the problem is.”

Anakin reached out, grabbing Obi-Wan’s hand to pull it towards his chest. He looked down at it for a few seconds before dropping it again.

”I need you here, Obi-Wan,” He said in barely a whisper, sounding helplessly desperate. Their eyes met as Anakin straightened his shoulders. “Can you just trust me? I have a bad feeling about this.”

”Alright, I’ll see what I can do. I can’t promise anything though.”

Anakin looked relieved as he pulled him into a quick hug. “That’s all I ask.”

He wasn’t sure what it was but something told him to trust his instincts. If whatever had caused Anakin to become so upset it had prompted this reaction, he knew that he had to listen to him. 

As soon as he was released from the hug, he asked, “Is everything else alright?”

”It is now, Obi-Wan. Thank you for trusting me,” Anakin replied, turning to leave.

Obi-Wan sighed as he watched him walk away. The thing about Anakin was that you could never truly understand what he was thinking. As soon as you thought you had him figured out, he’d turn around and surprise you. His unpredictability was a great asset in battle but not in situations like this. It didn’t help that Obi-Wan still felt like there was something Anakin wasn’t telling him.

He decided not to ruminate on the matter any longer; he needed to see if someone else could go to Utapau instead of him. Remembering how Mace Windu had said something about going to the Jedi Archives, Obi-Wan decided to start there.

Upon his arrival, he immediately spotted Mace Windu towards the back of the room, standing with Kit Fisto. On the table in front of them, there was a substantial pile of books although they were only studying over one of them.

Obi-Wan cleared his throat to get their attention.

”Kenobi, what are you doing here?” Windu asked. “I thought you would have left by now.”

”That was the plan but I’m afraid something has come up. Would it be possible for someone else to go?”

Windu narrowed his eyes at him. “You want someone else to go? Forgive me for reminding you, _General Kenobi,_ but you had no issues with this earlier.”

”I am aware of that but-,”

”But what? You’re not a coward so don’t start acting like one now.”

Obi-Wan winced at the words, noticing how Kit Fisto was shifting from one foot to the other, clearly uncomfortable with the situation. 

“If there truly is no one else suitable for this assignment, then I still have no problems with going.” Obi-Wan said, regretting having asked in the first place. “However, if it is possible for someone else to go then I would prefer that.”

While Mace Windu’s face remained largely unreadable, Obi-Wan could see the irritation forming in his eyes. Next to him, Fisto had taken the opportunity to start flipping through one of the books, clearly not knowing what else to do.

”Well, at least let us hear your excuse,” Windu said, crossing his arms against his chest. 

“Anakin doesn’t want me to go. He was practically begging me to stay.” Once he had said it out loud, he realised how pathetic it made him sound. 

“You have got to be kidding me! You’re not going because Skywalker got jealous?” Windu shook his head in disbelief. “Forget about your responsibilities as a Jedi, as long as Skywalker is happy.”

If Obi-Wan was being honest, he hadn't really thought this through. It was no secret that Windu wasn’t the fondest of Anakin; he probably should have avoided mentioning him altogether. Still, it was too late now.

”If it’s such an issue then I suppose I will have to go in your place. Make no mistake, I am only agreeing to this because I have a great respect for you, Kenobi. This is in no way a favour to Skywalker.”

”No, really, I can go, I just-,”

”Maybe you were the wrong choice for the mission after all. You’ve let your feelings get the better of you, you’re in no state to carry out this assignment,” Windu declared as he stalked away from the table.

Fisto gave him a sympathetic look but it only made Obi-Wan feel worse. After knowing what he had just witnessed, he couldn’t bring himself to exchange conversation with him. Instead, he just offered a polite nod before leaving too.

Maybe Windu was right; he wasn’t the Jedi he should be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does this count as fluff? No? Not even a little bit? Okay, sorry.
> 
> Hope everyone is staying healthy x


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this chapter turned out much longer than expected... Oops.  
> Trigger warnings for mentions of sexual assault/self-harm.

For once, Anakin was grateful for the short walk to Padmé’s apartment; the busy streets of Coruscant were proving to be a welcome distraction. Instead of obsessing over his conversation with Obi-Wan, he could focus on weaving his way through the never-ending crowds of people and immerse himself in the blaring city noise.

Or, more likely, he could try. He wasn’t having a lot of success.

_I need you here, Obi-Wan._

Not for the first time today, Anakin cringed. Why, why, _why_ did he have to say _that_? If only he could take it back, make himself forget. Although, in his defence, the confession had escaped before he even understood what he had said, and Obi-Wan hadn’t appeared to realise the weight of his words. Thank the Stars for the small mercies, if for nothing else...

The remnants of shame and embarrassment stayed with him until he reached Padmé’s floor. She had the penthouse apartment, providing him with the much needed opportunity to compose himself before stepping off the elevator, waiting for the door to open. _Take deep breaths, it’ll be like it never happened._

Sabé let him in, wearing a simple yellow dress, hair twisted up into an elaborate hairstyle on top of her head. She smiled when she saw Anakin, opening her arms to offer him a hug.

”Sabé! I wasn’t expecting you to be back from your trip yet. How was Naboo?”

”It was fine, thank you,” she replied, taking a step back to invite him in. “Padmé will be so glad to see you, she’s been talking about you incessantly.”

”I can imagine.”

As if on cue, Padmé appeared in the bedroom doorway. “Anakin? Oh, I’m so happy to see you!”

She rushed across the room and wrapped her arms around his waist, grip surprisingly strong for someone of such small stature. Anakin relaxed into the hug, only now realising how much he had missed them both. Over Padmé’s shoulder, he could see Sabé shaking her head as she sat down, clearly to say that she had warned him.

”I’ve missed you, Padmé,” Anakin said as he was released from her embrace.

She smiled widely as she gestured for him to sit down. “I’ve missed you too, Ani. It’s been such a long time since your last visit, I was starting to think you’d forgotten about us.”

Anakin laughed. “How could I ever forget about you?”

Padmé shrugged, folding her arms in her lap. “I suppose the war has been keeping you busy. You know, I haven’t heard any of your stories for months, there must be something interesting for you to tell us. Perhaps you could enlighten us on a certain rescue mission I heard you so bravely carried out?”

Anakin could never understand why other people thought being a Jedi was so exciting. Most of the time it was just meetings and meditation, none of which were particularly worthy of telling. The war itself was becoming tedious and repetitive, seemingly with no end in sight. Every mission was just droids, death and destruction – Anakin almost longed for the days before the war when he was still a Padawan and everything was, well, easier.

Padmé and Sabé were looking at him expectantly, so he launched into the story of the Chancellor’s rescue from the Invisible Hand. Some details were elaborated upon, others were omitted completely but they seemed to enjoy it either way. If he chose to leave out the way his heart had nearly stopped when Obi-Wan fell to the floor unconscious, who would be any wiser? And so what if he didn’t mention the way he had mindlessly obliged when the Chancellor ordered him to kill a defenceless Dooku, despite knowing it wasn’t necessary? There were some things they just didn’t need to know; there was no use in making them worried.

After he’d wrapped the story up, he asked Sabé about her trip to Naboo, feigning an interest when Padmé began to discuss her political endeavours. Anakin had never been overly enthusiastic about politics (even as a Padawan it was his least favourite class) but he knew that his friend cared about it and so he listened.

Or, to be more accurate, he _tried_ to listen. His thoughts were being relentless today.

Days like this were not uncommon, but Anakin could usually ignore the self-doubt and self-hatred. All he ever needed was a distraction – something to take his mind away from it all. However, today was just one of those days; after a while, he found himself beginning to zone out, despite his best efforts not to. He was aware of himself doing it but he also couldn’t ignore the way his mind was betraying him. 

He was stuck in a constant cycle: Obi-Wan, the Council, Grievous, the Chancellor, back to Obi-Wan again. Fear and failure. Hopelessness and suffering. Honestly, it was enough to make his head ache.

”Anakin!” Padmé’s sharp voice cut through his thoughts, violently pulling him back to the present. Two concerned faces were staring back at him, making him feel guilty.

”Sorry, I am listening. Please continue.”

”You clearly aren’t. What’s bothering you?” Padmé asked, voice laden with worry.

Anakin sighed. “I’m fine.”

”Don’t even think about lying to me, Anakin. You can always talk to us.” She paused, hesitating. “Is this about Obi-Wan again?”

”No.” His response was too quick and Padmé narrowed her eyes at him. He tried again. “Not exactly.”

He loved Padmé; she was the best friend he could ask for, always there to listen or to laugh with. However, she also had an uncanny ability to get Anakin to talk, especially when he didn’t want to. He thought back to his last visit a few months ago. It had been around the time he’d first started to notice Obi-Wan becoming distant. Padmé could tell straight away that something was bothering him and was persistent enough that he reluctantly told her. He never explained _why_ it had gotten him so upset but she seemed to understand anyway. She hadn’t been able to help him fix the problem _(Why don’t you just talk to him? You know why I can’t do that!)_ but even just telling her felt like a massive weight had been lifted.

”Would you care to explain to us what is going on?”

Padmé was eyeing him and Sabé seemed deep in thought. Anakin was never one to willingly talk about his problems but, like he said, Padmé had an uncanny ability to make him do exactly that.

”It’s nothing much, I just didn’t get a lot of sleep last night.” He said before adding in a quiet voice, almost an afterthought, “It’s the nightmares.”

Padmé’s expression immediately softened and she moved to sit next to him. “Oh, Ani! Why didn’t you say something sooner?”

”Because they really aren’t anything for you to worry about.” Anakin shrugged, the floor suddenly demanding his attention.

”No, don’t say that. Anything that is important to you is important to us,” Sabé said, sounding mildly offended. “Do you want to tell us what your nightmares are about?”

Anakin sighed; he should have known that would be the next question. The last thing he wanted was to relive the dreams all over again; he already had to do that every night. He also didn’t want to risk upsetting them both, disturbing them by the violent nature of his dreams. However, Padmé’s hand moved to his back and it was enough to reassure him – both were far enough removed from the Jedi Order for him to know that they could be trusted. If it was anyone else, it may raise concerns regarding his competency as a Jedi Knight. However, these were his friends. They would listen.

”They’re always the same, every night. No matter what I do, I can never stop them. I can never stop _him_.” Anakin took a deep breath, feeling a lump form in his throat. “The man in the cloak, I can never see his face, he always– he kills everyone. Both of you, Obi-Wan and hundreds of innocent children. He even slaughters all of the Jedi. He doesn’t spare anyone. Everyone I love dies at his hands and I’m never strong enough to stop it from happening.”

Instead of recoiling in horror like he had expected, Sabé asked with a sympathetic look on her face, “Do these dreams happen every night?”

”Most nights... just like they did before my mom died.”

Before Sabé could answer, Padmé pulled him into a hug. “I promise you, they’re just dreams, Ani. Try not to let them worry you. They’re likely just the result of you being under a lot of stress. They aren’t going to come true.”

”Maybe.”

Anakin didn’t really care why they were happening, he just wanted them to stop. Waking up every morning to the image of his friends’ corpses lying limp on the floor wasn’t something he wanted to see ever again. Even now, sitting on the couch in Padmé’s apartment, Anakin could feel the weight of Obi-Wan’s body lying in his arms, watching him struggle as he took his last breath.

If they were dreams of the future, he’d do everything he possibly could to stop them from coming to fruition. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he didn’t.

”Have you tried talking to anyone else about this? I could find you someone if you think it might help.” Anakin knew that Padmé was only trying to help but the suggestion seemed irrelevant. How could someone else possibly be able to help him when not even he could? Anyway, talking to someone would involve showing that he had fear, that he had weakness and that wasn’t the Jedi way. As long as he didn’t tell anyone, it could never be used against him.

”I appreciate the concern but there really is nothing to worry about.”

Padmé nodded. “If you change your mind, will you let me know?”

Despite knowing how unlikely that was to happen, Anakin assured her that he would. As long as it kept her happy enough to drop the subject which to Anakin’s relief, she eventually did.

After a while of meaningless conversation, Sabé interrupted to ask if he would be staying for dinner. Anakin hadn’t realised how much time had passed; when he looked out of the window at the setting sun, he could see that once again, he’d lost track of time.

”As much as I would love to, I should probably be going.” It was already late and the Chancellor would be expecting an update on the war efforts. Padmé and Sabé nodded, disappointed but accepting of his answer.

”Just remember, our door is always open for you. Don’t keep all of your problems to yourself, we both care about you.” Padmé said as she walked him to the door.

”Yeah, yeah, I know. Miss you already!”

Padmé held back a groan as she said goodbye. She always did worry too much about him.

***

Although it was late, the Chancellor was still in his office, sitting at his desk with his back to the door. When he heard Anakin enter the room, he swivelled his chair around to face him, covered by an ominous, dark shadow that hid most of his face. No effort had been made to brighten the room, so Anakin found himself squinting in the rapidly fading light provided by the window.

”Anakin.” The Chancellor greeted him as he rose from his chair, walking towards him with a few measured strides. “What brings you here?”

”Forgive me for interrupting, Chancellor, but I assumed you would appreciate an update on the Council’s decision.” Anakin began as the Chancellor came to a stop in front of him. “They have decided that I will not be going to Utapau, they want Master Kenobi to go instead.”

”I see.” The Chancellor nodded to himself as he considered the information. “Once again, you have been overlooked by the Council; mistakes like this will cost them greatly. Sadly, they do not have faith in you to complete this mission, my dear boy.”

Anakin shook his head. “I’m sure that’s not it. They said they wanted someone with more experience, someone strong and dependable like Obi-Wan. There really isn’t anyone more capable than him, I can assure you.”

Before saying that out loud, Anakin hadn’t realised that was how he felt. It had been a great disappointment when he hadn’t been chosen, but even he could understand why the Council thought Obi-Wan was the better choice. Unless of course, he hadn’t gone, in which case Anakin wasn’t sure who they’d send. Looking at it from this perspective, asking Obi-Wan to stay behind suddenly seemed like a very selfish decision on his part.

”It’s a great shame, the way they have manipulated you. You need to be strong enough to break through the Council’s lies, otherwise you’ll never reach your full potential. They do not view you as their equal and they do not trust you. They’re holding you back,” The Chancellor said, sounding frustrated as he started to pace around the office.

”I’m not sure I understand,” Anakin replied, falling into step beside him.

”Of course you don’t, they’ve been controlling your every move for years, lying to you, not teaching you what you need to know – what you want to know.” The Chancellor slowed down to watch Anakin’s reaction. “I could help you. My mentor taught me everything there is to know about the Force – my knowledge of it is extensive, I even have an understanding of the dark side.”

”You know about the dark side?” Anakin asked, rather dismayed that their conversation had returned to this topic again. He had hoped they would’ve moved past this by now.

The Chancellor nodded, more than prepared to elaborate. “With the dark side comes great power, things that you will never be taught by the Jedi. You could have the ability to protect everyone you love, become more powerful than you could ever possibly imagine. In order to achieve this, all you need to do is pledge yourself to my teachings.”

Anakin stopped as the Chancellor turned to face him. He hadn’t been aware of his friend having any understanding of the Force, let alone the dark side. Did that mean he was Force-sensitive too? If so, it was concerning how he’d been able to keep it a secret for so long. But then again, the more he thought about it, the more it made sense; the worrying nature of their recent conversations, how quickly the man had risen to power, even the Council’s suspicions.

How could he have been so blind?

”It’s you! You’re the Sith Lord!” Anakin accused, igniting his lightsaber and pointing it towards the Chancellor’s chest. 

He was torn between wanting to be right and wanting to be wrong. If he was right, it meant that the Chancellor – his friend – had lied to not only him, but to the Jedi, to the Senate, to the whole galaxy for only the Force knows how long. The hidden evil that had been linked to so many unspeakable crimes against the Republic, tormenting the Jedi for years, had been right under his nose the whole time. However, if he was wrong, it meant that he was standing in the Chancellor’s office with a lightsaber aimed right at his chest and honestly, Anakin wasn’t sure which one would be worse.

The Chancellor barely flinched despite the blade’s close proximity to his face, a sickening grin spreading across his features. “What are you going to do about it?”

Anakin desperately wished that someone else – anyone else – had discovered the Sith Lord’s true identity. He was too far out of his depth and unable to think clearly. All of this time, his friend had been lying to him and he hadn’t even noticed. Some Jedi he was.

”I should arrest you and turn you over to the Council.”

”Are you sure that is a good idea?” Palpatine asked, circling him like a predator. “Without me, you’ll never be able to access this power I speak of. Without me, you will be powerless.”

”It’s what I have to do.” Anakin declared, immediately regretting ever having said anything. He watched in horror as his friend’s face twisted into a venomous expression of abject anger and hatred.

”I can assure you, that would be a terrible mistake.”

”I don’t–,” Anakin took a step back feeling sick to the stomach. His heartbeat was racing and his mind blanked, making it impossible to regain focus.

Palpatine stopped in front of him, making up all of the distance Anakin had put between them with a couple of strides. While Anakin was the taller of the two, the Chancellor seemed to tower over him now. His friend had worn a mask for so long and now that it had fallen, he was turning into something unrecognisable.

Anakin swallowed as he dropped his lightsaber, watching it fall to the floor in a flash of blue. He knew that he needed to do something but he couldn’t make himself move or speak, rendered useless by the overwhelming fear and terror. He tried to take another step back but felt the wall come up against his back instead; there was nowhere to go.

Palpatine let out a vicious bark of laughter. “Are you not going to fight back?”

Anakin struggled to form the words as the Chancellor began to tear off his clothes. This was still his friend, even if his whole demeanour had morphed into something entirely evil right before his eyes. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt him, but it had also past the point of attempting to arrest him. Thousands of thoughts flooded his mind but nothing he could come up with seemed like a viable option right now. Maybe it would be over quickly if he just let it happen.

Now that it was no longer being concealed, the Force was thick with the presence of darkness, to an extent Anakin had never felt it before. It felt like he was being smothered, darkness invading his mind, body and soul. Even if he tried, would he be able to fight back? Anakin didn’t want to know.

He felt the blood rush to his head as an invisible force shoved him into the desk, holding him down so that he could no longer move.

Fingernails scratched into his back as the man entered him from behind. Anakin had to bite back a scream as a stabbing pain shot through his body, trying to focus on his breathing instead of the raw agony attacking him. Each thrust brought a new level of pain causing his vision to blur black around the edges.

Time slowed and the room around him began to feel distant and far away. He was no longer in control of his body. He wasn’t in control of anything.

”You’re weak!” Palpatine sneered into his ear as he pulled out. Anakin could barely register the voice as he fought against losing consciousness.

As he fell to the floor in a limp and bloody heap, Anakin had no choice but to agree. He didn’t even try to move as the Chancellor lingered over his naked body, staring down at him in disgust.

”There’s still time to change that. If you were to join me, all of this power could be yours too,” the Chancellor said before frowning and patting his shoulder. “I never meant to hurt you, Anakin. I just had to show you the truth.”

Anakin didn’t know what the Chancellor expected him to say. The room was still spinning, blurring in and out of focus, but he could vaguely identify the shape of someone pushing themselves to their feet.

”Of course, you could still choose to turn me in, but don’t doubt the Council won’t turn on you too. You need me.”

With that, the Chancellor disappeared from the room leaving Anakin alone on the red-carpeted floor. As soon as he heard the door close, he sat up, waiting for the dizziness to pass. It was humiliating how helpless he had been; he was supposed to be the Hero With No Fear, not this weak and broken mess.

Forcing himself to his feet, he retrieved his abandoned clothes and lightsaber from the floor, hoping to escape before anyone found him. All he had to do was make it back to the Temple and everything would be fine.

He exited the building in a daze, shielding his face from the sudden brightness of the lights. There were still people everywhere but no one paid him much attention. Every so often, he’d turn around to see if anybody was following him. Nobody was, but he had to make sure. The Chancellor – no, the Sith Lord – had escaped and he hadn’t done anything to stop it. Whatever happened after this would be his fault.

The Jedi Temple began to loom into view, it’s mighty structure imposing over him in a way it had never done before. Climbing the front steps to the entrance was a difficult task, the dull ache still lingering in his bones.

Everything was deathly quiet and there was no one in sight; Anakin was still unsure of the time but he felt certain it was late. At least that reduced the risk of him running into someone. If he looked even half as bad as he felt, that was the last thing he wanted.

Shadows jumped out at him and the statues looked like they were following his every move. The walls seemed to close in on him as the distant sound of his footsteps echoed through the empty halls. He knew that he shouldn’t be afraid; he wasn’t usually one for fear, but then again, he had never felt so helpless and alone before.

All of the lights were turned off in the apartment and it was completely silent apart from the soft sound of the door closing behind him. He reached out through the Force, confirming Obi-Wan’s presence. Knowing that someone else had gone to Utapau instead filled him with relief; at least he wasn’t completely alone.

Thinking a shower might help, Anakin headed towards the ‘fresher. Maybe if he tried hard enough, he would be able to scrub the ghost of those hands off of his body forever. _Maybe_.

He turned the shower on after peeling off his clothes and dropping them on the floor. When he caught sight of himself in the mirror, he realised he looked even worse than he felt. Bruises were already forming all over his body, there were bags under his eyes and a dried smear of blood on his thighs. He was, quite literally, a broken and dishevelled mess.

Anakin sighed as he stepped into the shower, allowing the steady stream of water to rush over his head and his body. He couldn’t get the temperature right, so he just gave up and left it burning into his skin as he sank to the floor, back against the wall. In his hands he held a razor blade he’d retrieved from the back of the cupboard, almost laughing at how easy it was to fall back into old habits.

The pain was better than he had anticipated. This was pain he could control. This was pain he deserved.

A sense of sick satisfaction overtook him as he sliced into his arm, watching as the blade glided over his wrist. Each cut was deeper and more painful than the last, but it still wasn’t enough. He needed more.

Anakin shivered as he moved onto his thighs, cutting into the slowly fading scars.

No matter what he did, he could still feel the weight of the Chancellor smothering his body. Reminding himself that it was over wasn’t doing much to help because he still felt like it _wasn’t._ It wouldn't be over until he was stopped. He needed to tell someone else because it was clear he wasn’t capable of dealing with it himself.

But that would bring a fresh round of embarrassment; everyone would know what had happened to him and how he hadn’t fought back. Would they even believe him?

_You need me._

The Chancellor’s voice echoed in his mind, mocking him. Anakin shook his head in a futile attempt to rid it from his brain, but it was no use. He could still hear him as clear as daylight.

Wiping the blood from his skin seemed to be the only thing he could manage to do as he picked himself up off the floor. The steam from the shower wasn’t doing much to alleviate his headache, but then again, Anakin didn’t really care.

He was weak and pathetic.

This was all his fault.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess I just really like to make the characters suffer... I am so sorry, don’t hate me :(  
> Also, I apologise for this chapter taking a while to upload but who would’ve thought that writing a longer chapter means it takes longer to edit? Not me, that’s for sure!  
> Happy May 4th x


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can only apologise... depression hit me hard these past few weeks (followed by a complete lack of motivation, haha, oops...) and it’s been... a month? More? I was going to split this chapter into two but this chapter has been a bitch and you’ve all waited long enough as it is :)

Staring at the flickering shadows cast onto the wall by the harsh city lights, Obi-Wan was finding it extremely difficult to sleep. No matter what he did, he was unable to empty his mind enough for sleep to overcome him, kept awake by the anxieties that came hand in hand with the dreams.

Unfortunately, this wasn’t anything new. Over the past few weeks, his sleep had only continued to grow increasingly restless, plagued by the strangest of dreams. While they weren’t what he’d call nightmares, they weren’t exactly welcome, either. At this point, he was beginning to feel like a good night’s sleep was not only well-deserved, but also long-overdue.

They were dreams of an old man – strangely familiar, despite him being no one Obi-Wan could recognise – living alone in self-imposed exile, deep within a barren desert wasteland. The torrid heat was harsh, serving only to amplify his misery and grief. Isolated and forgotten amongst the never-ending expanses of sand, these dreams felt empty; void of love, hope and emotion. Lonely.

They were dreams of hooded figures and flashes of blue and crimson. Bloodshed and death. Darkness and light; a constant battle for victory and power. The echoes of droids, screaming and blaster-fire followed him even into his state of unconscious, the horrors of the war so permanently embedded in his mind, there was no escaping them.

But, worst of all were the dreams of dark hair and blue eyes, a tanned body moving in harmony with his own – Anakin. There was no denying how wrong these dreams were, and every time they decided to make an appearance, they filled him with nothing but shame and self-hatred. Because they weren’t just dreams that he shouldn’t be having, but feelings too. As much as he tried to lie to himself, to convince himself that these dreams meant nothing, he couldn’t change the truth. What would Anakin say if he ever found out? Obi-Wan hoped he’d never have to see that look of disappointment on his friend’s face.

If it wasn’t for the fact that these dreams were becoming a common occurrence, Obi-Wan may have been able to forgive himself. However, this was not the case – as of late, these dreams were happening every night and he had began to go to bed with the expectation of having them. Meditation wasn’t doing very much to help them subside; if anything, it was making them worse. He was beginning to think that the Force was playing some sort of cruel trick on him. The only other plausible explanation would be that he’d been cursed by a Witch or a Sith Lord, and honestly, that would be just his luck.

The dreams would’ve been a lot more manageable if it wasn’t for the feelings that came along with them. He couldn’t blame anyone else for those, no matter how much he’d like to. Something Obi-Wan had always prided himself on was his ability to remain calm and composed, even in the most stressful of circumstances. Now, however, it was a different story... why had it suddenly become so difficult? The only conclusion he could form was that it had something to do with his severe lack of sleep. 

Sleep that he should be having now. Kriffing hell, he really was his own worst enemy.

_There is no emotion, there is only peace..._

Ah, yes, why not try reciting the Jedi Code, as if in doing so, it would somehow solve all of his problems. Because he hadn’t thought to try _that_ yet...

Although it hadn’t happened very often, if Obi-Wan had ever had a nightmare as a Padawan bad enough to cause him to wake from his sleep screaming and crying, Qui-Gon had always known how to comfort him. He’d wrap his Padawan in his arms and tell him that there was no need to worry because all dreams would pass in time. And Obi-Wan, being the ever-so-dutiful Padawan that he was, had taken the advice to heart, repeating it over and over again until, eventually, the dreams did pass. He’d never had any reason to doubt that advice until he’d told Anakin the exact same thing and it had resulted in the death of his mother. Yet another example of the many ways he had let Anakin down. And now, here he was, lying wide awake, feeling guilty and ashamed. What would his Master have said if he could see him now? Perhaps something about living in the moment or trusting that everything happened for a reason. Maybe it did, but Obi-Wan really wished that reason was more clear. His everlasting patience was finally beginning to wear thin.

The distant sound of a door opening and closing drew him from his thoughts: Anakin.

As he checked the time, Obi-Wan realised that it was long past midnight. Even for Anakin, this was unusually late. While Anakin hadn’t told him where he’d been going, it wasn’t hard to figure out that he’d probably been with Padmé. Obi-Wan tried to ignore the way that realisation filled him with bitter sadness. It really shouldn’t, because after all, he was a Jedi; having such strong emotions was frowned upon, particularly ones such as jealousy and sadness. Anakin would have a field day if he ever found out the truth. Well, that, or he’d hate him forever.

Obi-Wan briefly thought about going to see him – he wasn’t getting a lot of sleep anyway – but ultimately decided against it. If he knew Anakin, he’d be hoping to sneak in, no doubt wanting to avoid the risk of running into his former master. Obi-Wan didn’t blame him; if the roles were reversed, he’d probably be doing the exact same thing. However, Anakin wasn’t having a lot of success with the whole ‘sneaking’ part; it sounded a lot like he was in the shower now and he wasn’t exactly being quiet about it. He was lucky that Obi-Wan was severely lacking on sleep, as well as feeling too embarrassed to face him after _that_ dream. What would he even say anyway?

Obi-Wan rolled over in his bed trying to get comfortable. Losing sleep wasn’t the wisest decision; today made an excellent example of why that was. If he could prevent it, he’d much rather avoid turning tomorrow into another disaster like today. Nothing good ever came from a poor night’s sleep.

Around him, the Force was thrumming in a way that didn’t feel quite right, but he tried to ignore it, falling into yet another restless sleep.

***

Obi-Wan awoke with a groan, shielding his eyes from the blinding glare of sunlight shining through his window. Why in Sith’s Hell did he not think to close the curtains last night? Forcing himself out of bed before he could attempt to fall back asleep, Obi-Wan showered and meditated. There was no use in delaying the inevitable, no matter how tired – or how comfortable – he was. All night, the dreams had continued to come and go, making for yet another sleepless night full of shame and embarrassment. If only the dreams could just _go_ , and then all of his problems would be solved. Well, nearly all of them anyway.

Instead of dwelling on it any longer, Obi-Wan set about brewing himself a tea, disappointed to see that Anakin wasn’t awake to join him again. While yesterday had been rather... unexpected, Obi-Wan wouldn’t object to it happening more often. It had been nice to have some company for once, but today, he was alone. Obi-Wan sat down, trying to ignore the growing feeling of agitation that clawed at his stomach. Something was most definitely off, although he couldn’t quite put his finger on what that was.

The longer he sat there, the more persistent the feeling became, almost as if the Force was screaming at him to listen. Obi-Wan wasn’t sure if it was an onset of delirium or just the lack of sleep, but he had to physically fight back the urge to scream _listen to what?_ as if that would somehow help to vent his frustration. However, the temperament wasn’t very Jedi-like, and it was obvious he needed to do something to clear his head. Maybe some fresh air – or as close as he could get to fresh air while living on the city-planet of Coruscant – would help. At the very least, it couldn’t hurt to try.

***

About half an hour later, Obi-Wan returned to the apartment having finally regained some of his composure, however short-lived this sense of clarity may have been. Now that he had a fresh viewpoint, it allowed him to see that the air of tension was most definitely centred around the apartment or more specifically, around Anakin. By this time, Anakin was nearly always awake, drawn from his slumber by his ever-persistent hunger. However, there was no mistaking the emptiness of the common areas of their quarters, nor the level of unrest Obi-Wan could so clearly sense within the Force.

Leaning against the wall with a sigh, Obi-Wan began to reach out through the Force to brush against Anakin’s mind, hoping to discover the source of the problem. In all honesty, he wasn’t sure why he was trying; lately, Anakin had been keeping his distance, preferring to shield himself from their bond that was only growing weaker with every day that passed. It shouldn’t bother him as much as it did; after all, this was what he had wanted. However, it was also more proof they were closer than they should have been. Closer than the Council and the Code permitted.

After preparing himself to be met by the cold, unforgiving shields of Anakin’s mind, the reality of the situation was much worse. Obi-Wan was glad for the wall against his back, for if not, he feared he would’ve been overcome by the intense wave of emotion he just felt. And the pain. The echoes were faint, barely escaping through the cracks, but there nonetheless. Almost like Anakin was trying to contain it, but couldn’t stop it from spilling over his carefully constructed walls and into the Force. It would certainly explain the on-edge feeling he’d had all morning. There was definitely something amiss, and now that he had a better idea of what that was, he could do something about it.

Despite the strength of Anakin’s Force signature telling him that he was awake, when Obi-Wan knocked on the bedroom door, he received no response. However, as he’d also received no objections, Obi-Wan realised that this was as good an invitation as any to enter.

With the curtains still tightly drawn, the room was dark and it took a few seconds for Obi-Wan’s eyes to adjust. Anakin was lying on his back, awake as predicted, but staring up at the ceiling with unseeing eyes. His bed sheets had been thrown to the floor, pillows tossed aside in a similar manner; while it couldn’t be comfortable to lay on the mattress like that, Anakin made no effort to move. Now that they were in the same room, the feeling had grown much stronger, the atmosphere like static around them. Anakin didn’t look up when Obi-Wan came in, but the way that his breathing quickened suggested he was aware of his presence.

”Anakin?” Obi-Wan tried as he hovered by the doorway, not wanting to intrude, not really sure what else to do. “Is there something wrong?”

Once again, there was no response, nor any indication he had been heard. Biting his lip, Obi-Wan took a tentative step forward, allowing himself a clearer view of Anakin’s face. At this closer distance, Obi-Wan could see just how awful Anakin looked, with dark circles under his eyes and his skin pale and ashen.

”Are you sick?” Obi-Wan asked, resting the back of his hand against Anakin’s forehead to check his temperature. Anakin recoiled from the touch, flinging himself across the bed, staring up at him with wild eyes. Obi-Wan frowned and took a step back. He didn’t appear to have a temperature but that reaction was... bizarre.

”Sorry,” Anakin mumbled before climbing out of bed with a wince, nearly tripping over the sheets on the floor as he started to limp towards the door.

Obi-Wan narrowed his eyes. “You’re hurt.” He made sure to not phrase it as a question because that would only give Anakin the opportunity to deny it; Obi-Wan knew from experience that he’d take any chance he could to avoid admitting that he was hurt, out of both his stubbornness and his hatred for visiting the healers. Their resentment of the healers was something that they shared although, at this point, it was practically their second home.

Anakin stopped, turning around to face him. “No, I’m fine, I just... didn’t sleep very well.”

Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow, not believing that for a second. From the looks of it, Anakin hadn’t slept at all. It wasn’t hard to tell when Anakin was lying through his teeth; he knew him too well for him to have much success with that. But even if he didn’t, the way that he was fiddling with his sleeve and refusing to make eye contact suggested an avoidance of the truth. Even if Anakin’s shields were much stronger now, he’d felt the extent of his pain and he couldn’t just ignore that.

But before he could be questioned further, Anakin said something about needing to shower and escaped into the fresher, limp much less obvious now. Obi-Wan exhaled loudly as he picked up the discarded sheets from the floor. Anakin couldn’t avoid him forever.

Although, maybe he could.

Ten minutes turned into twenty, twenty minutes turned into forty, and Anakin was taking much longer than he’d anticipated. 

It was no secret that Anakin favoured longer showers – Obi-Wan suspected this had something to do with the lack of water available on Tatooine, although this theory had never been confirmed. Instead of asking, Obi-Wan had kept his musings to himself, not wanting to cause Anakin any discomfort. If Anakin wanted to have showers twice as long as his own, Obi-Wan wouldn’t stand in his way. But forty-five minutes? This was starting to get ridiculous.

Obi-Wan sighed, tapping his foot impatiently. He’d finished the mug of tea he’d made to help pass the time and was now staring at the empty mug in his hands, not having much else to do. Patience was an important virtue, one that Obi-Wan usually had, but he was also very aware of the time. He’d agreed to take over some of Master Windu’s classes while he was off-planet – it really was the least he could do – but he also had a feeling it wouldn’t go over too well if he left the younglings to teach themselves. The Jedi Master was frustrated enough already and he’d rather not give him a reason to add to that.

_ For Force’s sake, Anakin, would you hurry up? _

Huh. He’d thought it out of frustration so he was mildly surprised when he noticed that the sound of the water had stopped. Maybe the Force wasn’t completely intent on making his life as difficult as possible.

A few minutes later, Anakin emerged from the fresher with damp hair, still looking a little too pale for Obi-Wan’s liking. He didn’t appear to notice Obi-Wan right away but when he did, he took a sudden step back, eyes wide. “I thought you’d have left by now.”

”I wanted to make sure that you were okay first, dear one.”

Anakin scoffed. “I’m sure you did. I’m going to bed.”

Feeling rather taken aback by Anakin’s behaviour, Obi-Wan could only nod. “If you need anything, let me know.”

Anakin nodded, disappearing back into his bedroom. Somehow Obi-Wan doubted that he would, but some more sleep would do him good – he looked nothing short of death warmed up.

***

Teaching the younglings wasn’t something Obi-Wan had ever had a problem with. In fact, he’d gladly do it more often if he wasn’t always so busy with missions and assignments. Today, however, it felt more like a chore because all that he wanted to do was to get back to Anakin, to make sure that he was okay.

It seemed like the Force had changed it’s mind again because no sooner than his classes had finished, Obi-Wan received a message informing him that there was a meeting taking place in one of the situation rooms. A meeting that hadn’t been scheduled, attendance mandatory... did that mean something had gone wrong? At this stage in the war, the Jedi really couldn’t afford any more setbacks and if something had happened on Utapau, it would be all of his fault.

No – there was no use in worrying about things that had not yet happened. Instead, Obi-Wan made his way to the meeting rooms, desperate to avoid being late again. That would simply not do. Not again.

“Masters,” he greeted, moving towards the edge of the holotable, standing next to Kit Fisto. The holopresences of Windu, Yoda, Mundi and Secura each acknowledged his arrival with a nod of the head. Things couldn’t have gone _too_ disastrously wrong if Windu was here, although he didn’t look best pleased.

”Why isn’t Skywalker here, Kenobi?”

”Anakin is sick.”

Yoda hmmed. “A shame, that is. Helpful, his presence would’ve been.”

Across the table, Secura and Mundi nodded in agreement. Mace looked as if he wanted to say something else but thankfully decided against it.

”What was this urgent matter you called us here to discuss, Master Windu?” Fisto interrupted, drawing the topic of the conversation away from Anakin’s absence.

“Right.” Windu cleared his throat, hands held behind his back. “The reason I called you here today is to confirm that Grievous has been defeated. As soon as I finish with the clean-up on Utapau, I will be returning to Coruscant where I shall deliver the mission report in full.” He paused to glance around the table before continuing. “While I am certain this will benefit both the Republic and the outcome of the war, we cannot allow ourselves to get overconfident now. We must continue to persist in our efforts, work closely with the Senate and most importantly, _put our duty above all else_.”

Obi-Wan shifted awkwardly as Kit Fisto eyed him, both certain that the last part had been aimed at him.

”The Sith Lord is still hiding in the shadows, controlling the Separatists from the sidelines. The war is unlikely to end until we can uncover his true identity and confirm his motivations. We must make this our priority and act quickly, before he takes on a new apprentice.”

The defeat of Count Dooku and now of General Grievous provided the Jedi with an unmistakeable opportunity to end the war; they’d be foolish not to take full advantage of that. However, the complete mystery surrounding the Sith Lord’s true identity was a major cause of concern. He had great power, but the loss of the two most significant leaders of the Separatist movement made him unpredictable; it would be a grave mistake to underestimate his threat now. Despite the success of Windu’s mission, this was no time to be celebrating.

“Following this new development, if the Chancellor does not agree to surrender his emergency powers, we should move for him to be removed from office.” Mundi suggested and Windu seemed to agree.

“If that were the happen, the Council would have to temporarily assume control of the Senate to ensure a peaceful transition,” Windu added, speaking in his consistently grave tone. Sometimes, even Obi-Wan wished he’d lighten up a bit. “I sense that the dark side surrounds the Chancellor but we also have to believe him to be reasonable. I shall set up a meeting to discuss this matter upon my return to Coruscant.”

”A wise precaution, this would be,” Yoda agreed and Obi-Wan found himself nodding too. It was no longer necessary for the Chancellor to possess this level of power. While Obi-Wan had to believe that the Chancellor had the best intentions, the consequences of the Senate falling under the influence of the Sith would be catastrophic. It was critical for them to defeat the Sith now, before it was too late.

”What do you suggest we do in regards to the Sith Lord, Master Windu?” Aayla asked, taking the words right from Obi-Wan’s mouth.

”For now, continue with your respective missions but remember that our current course of action is to defeat the Sith once and for all. Any information that may be of some importance should be relayed to the Council immediately,” Mace said. “Does anyone have anything they wish to add?”

No one spoke up and Mace nodded his head with satisfaction. “Very well, then. May the Force be with you.”

”May the Force be with you,” Obi-Wan repeated as the blue lights from the holograms flickered and faded, leaving him standing alone with Kit Fisto. Obi-Wan turned to acknowledge him with an awkward nod of the head. He still felt slightly uncomfortable about yesterday and he doubted that Fisto felt any different. It had been awkward situation.

”You seem tired, Kenobi. How are you doing?” Surprised by the question, Obi-Wan found himself blinking uselessly at the Nautolan Jedi as he tried to come up with a suitable answer.

”I’m fine,” Obi-Wan eventually settled on, starting to head towards the turbolift. “I’m only looking forward to finding this Sith Lord and finally putting an end to this war.”

“As am I, my friend,” Fisto laughed, resting a hand on his shoulder. “Did you say that Anakin was sick?”

Obi-Wan stepped into the elevator with Fisto not too far behind. “Yes, he didn’t seem to be feeling very well this morning, though of course he denied it.” Obi-Wan tried to laugh but it fell flat – the look on Anakin’s face this morning had been far from amusing and the situation wasn’t funny in the slightest. “He’s back at the apartment trying to sleep it off, but if he hasn’t improved by tomorrow, I’ll have no choice but to send him to the healers!”

Fisto smiled. “He won’t like that!”

”No, I don’t think he will,” Obi-Wan agreed as the lift came to a stop.

”Well, tell Anakin that I hope he’s feeling better soon.

Obi-Wan nodded. “I will.”

Fisto waved goodbye before hurrying off down an adjacent corridor. Obi-Wan exhaled, leaning back against the wall. His schedule was clear for the rest of the afternoon and he had nothing to do besides returning to the apartment. While he had been itching to get back to Anakin all day, now that the opportunity had presented itself, Obi-Wan wasn’t so sure. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to be with Anakin because there was nowhere else in the entire galaxy he’d rather be. No, the issue was more to do with Anakin not wanting him to go back.

What if _he_ was the problem?

This morning when Anakin had flinched away from his touch, seeming to look right through him, it had been rather concerning. Anakin had never seemed to have a problem with it before – quite the opposite, actually – and he was rarely ever quiet. Something had happened, Obi-Wan was sure of it.

No matter how hard he tried to push the thought away, it kept coming back: what if Anakin had finally found out the truth? Last night when Anakin had come home, he’d been thinking about the dreams; it wouldn’t be too much of a stretch to suggest that he’d sensed his thoughts. Although he’d done everything he possibly could to conceal the true extent of his attachment, feelings could still slip through the cracks. Anakin would be just as disgusted – if not more so – than Obi-Wan already was with himself. It would be enough to ruin their friendship forever...

Obi-Wan physically shook his head, earning himself a strange look from a passing knight in the process. It was true that he’d been feeling things no Jedi should ever feel, but he’d also taken precautions to make sure that his feelings remained hidden.

No, that couldn’t be it. There had to be another explanation.

Anakin was out late last night; he could’ve gone anywhere and could’ve been with anyone. Maybe something had happened with Padmé; if they’d had an argument, it could explain Anakin’s low mood and... sickness? His former Padawan had always felt far more strongly than others so it wouldn’t be impossible. But even that didn’t account for the pain Obi-Wan had felt radiating through the Force.

There had to be something he was missing. Maybe if he wasn’t so kriffing tired, he’d be able to see what that was.

***

When he eventually summoned the courage to return to their quarters, Obi-Wan was greeted by a cold and unrelenting silence. He’d have taken back all of those times he’d pleaded with Anakin to be quiet, if he’d only known just how empty the silence would be.

Now that it was mid-afternoon, he was fully expecting Anakin to walk into the room with a smile on his face, teasing him about Force knows what. No such luck. He could go and see Anakin but he felt like, somehow, his presence wouldn’t be appreciated.

Instead, Obi-Wan retrieved his datapad from his bedroom, taking a seat at the kitchen table. He busied himself with flicking through the Holonet, headlines already appearing about Grievous’ defeat. Scanning through a couple of articles, he realised that the details were sparse, entailing nothing he didn’t already know. They were hailing Mace Windu a hero, so there was that at least.

He had been so engrossed in his reading that he barely noticed Anakin leaving his room until it was too late. He’d slid into the fresher without even acknowledging him – if Obi-Wan had to hazard a guess, he would say that Anakin was avoiding him. After their encounter earlier, it didn’t come as too much of a shock.

Obi-Wan frowned when he heard the shower turn on. This would be Anakin’s second shower today— third if you counted the one he’d had last night. Whilst Anakin had always favoured longer showers, three in one day was a bit extreme, even for him.

He directed his gaze back down to the datapad in his hands but found that he’d lost his ability to concentrate. Forgetting what he’d been reading, Obi-Wan resorted to aimlessly staring into space while he waited for Anakin to finish up in the fresher.

About half an hour later, Anakin finally appeared in the doorway. He didn’t say anything but stood staring at Obi-Wan with a vacant expression on his face. It didn’t take very long for his silence to become unnerving.

”Aren’t you clean enough yet?” Obi-Wan joked in an attempt to lighten the mood. He regretted his decision almost instantly when Anakin’s shoulders tensed up and a flash of hurt passed over his face.

”No.”

Anakin turned on his heel, disappearing into his room once again. Obi-Wan sat in stunned silence for a few moments before getting up to follow him. He knew that he should probably leave Anakin to his own devices – no matter what he said or did, he only seemed to make everything worse. But at the same time, he couldn’t leave it like this, not when Anakin was so clearly in distress. 

A sense of hope blossomed in his heart when he saw that Anakin hadn’t closed the door behind him. Maybe he wasn’t being avoided after all.

”Anakin?” Anakin was sat cross-legged on his bed, staring down at his hands, but he looked up at the sound of his name. Obi-Wan stepped further into the room when Anakin made no objections to his being there. “I’m sorry.”

”Don’t be,” Anakin said in barely a whisper. “It’s my fault anyway.”

There was a chair relatively close to the bed so Obi-Wan decided to sit down. Anakin’s eyes tracked every step he took, almost like he was wary of what he was doing, but he didn’t object to that either. When he sat down, Anakin twisted to face him, still keeping his distance.

”What do you mean by that?” Obi-Wan asked when his mind failed to determine what Anakin was referring to.

”Nothing,” Anakin replied as he pulled his sheets up to his shoulders, wrapping them around his body. “I just– Thank you for staying. I’m really glad that you’re here.”

”Of course,” Obi-Wan said, meeting the blue-eyed gaze that was staring across the room at him. Maybe he wasn’t the problem after all.

”I bet the Council weren’t very pleased that I asked you to stay, were they?”

There was no point in lying, the answer was painfully obvious. He could only hope that Mace hadn’t stooped so low as to tell Master Yoda the real reason as to why he’d stayed behind. That would only guarantee a lecture on attachments and responsibility, and, honestly, that was the last thing Obi-Wan needed right now.

”Not particularly, no.” He stopped when he saw Anakin frowning, no doubt feeling guilty about his role in the situation. It may not be the best idea to mention the argument he’d had with Mace, then. Not that he’d really planned on mentioning it anyway.

”There’s no need to worry about it, dear one, because–“ _because you asked me to stay and there was no way I’d leave you after that–_ “Master Windu went in my place. In fact, Grievous has already been defeated, giving us a much-need advantage against the Separatist onslaught.”

Anakin gave him a half-smile. “That’s good.”

”It most certainly is. Now that he’s been defeated, we can put all of our energy and resources into finding the Sith Lord and finally ending this war. What do you say, you and I? After all, Sith Lords do seem to be our specialty!”

While he hadn’t been expecting Anakin to literally start jumping for joy, he had hoped for some show of relief or maybe even a laugh at his poor attempt at a joke. Instead, Anakin visibly paled and almost curled in on himself, silence filling the room once more. Obi-Wan swore that he wasn’t doing it on purpose but whatever he said only seemed to make everything worse. It would probably be best if he left before he said something else that he’d regret.

”I’m going to get some dinner, do you want me to bring you anything?” Obi-Wan asked as he rose from the chair, acutely aware of the way Anakin continued to track his movement until he reached the door. Anakin only shook his head in response and Obi-Wan couldn’t help the sigh that escaped his lips as he left the room.

He was no closer to understanding what was bothering Anakin; any progress that he had made had been undone in a matter of seconds. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh, Obi-angst... the best kind of angst if you ask me ;)  
> Maybe that makes up for the fact that this chapter is a complete and utter mess, lol.  
> Also, I couldn’t resist adding an appearance from Aayla Secura, mainly because I have no self-control and I love her too much! Don’t judge :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Consider this Chapter 5, Part 2 if you will. I sat down to write what will now be Chapter 7 but the words just wouldn’t flow, like something was missing... after humming and hawing over it for ages, inspiration suddenly hit and we ended up with this! A little bit of deviation from the original plan never hurt anyone, right?
> 
> If you catch any mistakes, please don’t hesitate to let me know! (Majority of this chapter was written instead of sleeping, I really need to stop doing that... )
> 
> Same warnings apply to this chapter as for the rest of the story :)

It was dark. The Coruscant air was cold and bitter; eerily quiet. Anakin blinked, realising that he was standing at the bottom of the temple steps. A figure clad in black swept its way towards the entrance, gliding past the fallen bodies of clone troopers and guards. He’d been here before, he knew what would happen. This time he’d stop it.

Swallowing back the rising sense of dread, Anakin reached for the hilt of his lightsaber. It wasn’t there; it was never there. Instead, he started to run after the hooded figure as it disappeared into the mouth of the temple, stepping over the bodies of everyone he was too late to save, dead before he’d even arrived. 

The darkness of the hallway seemed to stretch into oblivion, illuminated only by the glow of a blue blade. Although it was a Jedi’s weapon, it was no Jedi holding it. This was something purely evil; a deadly creature that harrowed his dreams.

Anakin was suddenly aware of faces emerging from the darkness; faces of everyone he knew and everyone he loved. Each one was staring helplessly at the hooded figure in the centre of the room, making no effort to run or fight, simply accepting that this was their fate. There were a few seconds of awful silence as everyone held their breaths, waiting for the man to pounce. Anakin tried to scream at them to move, to fight back, _to do something_ , but no sound escaped from his mouth. He couldn’t move fast enough, and before he knew it, the onslaught had commenced.

The blade sliced through clone after clone, Padawan after Padawan. The men he’d fought beside for years – all of them dead, lying in a crumpled heap on the floor. Before Anakin had the chance to catch up to them, the man had already moved onto his next victims, showing little mercy to whoever he came into contact with, each one meeting an equally violent end. Padmé and Sabé were both suspended in mid-air, clutching at their throats as the man carelessly choked the life out of them, not even bothering to look at them, attention focused on the other Jedi he was slaughtering with ease. Anakin could only watch as his friends collapsed to the floor, each step taking him further away from their bodies.

Sparing only a few seconds to confirm they were both dead and beyond saving, Anakin resumed the chase, the hooded figure now so deep into the temple his silhouette was barely visible. Anakin leapt over the bodies of more Jedi and clones, the terrified screams of the younglings chilling him to his core. How could someone be so cruel, so terribly evil and heartless? It didn’t matter how much Anakin wanted to stop and help, he knew that he couldn’t afford to spare them a second thought, all too aware of what was coming next.

Anakin looked on in horror as he passed the bodies of Aayla Secura, Shaak Ti and Agen Kolar. All of them were great Jedi, yet all of them were dead, matching lightsaber wounds burned into their chests. He tried to quicken his pace as he passed the lifeless, unblinking head of Kit Fisto lying next to the mangled corpse of Luminara Unduli and, fucking hell, there was Ahsoka – what was she even doing here? Anakin was going to kill that monster, even if it was the last thing he ever did.

Trying to suppress the waves of nausea, Anakin forced himself to continue, knowing that the horrors were far from over. Running as quickly as he could, Anakin realised that he wasn’t going to make it in time. He watched with wide eyes as Mace Windu’s head was sliced clean off his body, Obi-Wan slowly coming into focus. He tried to scream, to shout, to tell Obi-Wan to fight back, but it escaped as nothing more than a hoarse whisper. He was getting close now, close enough that he might just make it. He had to make it.

He didn’t.

As the weapon embedded itself into Obi-Wan’s abdomen, Anakin’s vision blurred with tears. Once again, he’d made it in just enough time to catch his master’s body as it fell to the floor but he hadn’t been quick enough to save him. He was never quick enough to save him.

”Please, no– You’re going to be alright, Master, you have to be!” Anakin sobbed, his voice finally having found him again. “You can’t leave me like this, Obi-Wan, you can’t!”

Obi-Wan reached up with a shaking hand, brushing it against Anakin’s tear-stained cheek. He opened his mouth to speak, but before he could even begin his sentence, he was dead, and Anakin was left completely alone. He looked up from where he was sitting with Obi-Wan still cradled in his arms, casting his gaze over the massacre before him. The hooded figure had disappeared but that didn’t matter anymore. Everyone he loved was dead. Everyone he loved had been murdered right before his eyes and he hadn’t been able to stop it.

Anakin leant over to press his forehead against Obi-Wan’s, pulling his lifeless body as close to his chest as he could possibly manage. The room around him burst into flames.

  
***  
  


Anakin awoke in a cold sweat, running his hands through his hair. His breathing came in harsh, laboured pants as he tried to calm down, struggling to adjust to this new reality. It was just a dream. Just a dream and nothing more. It didn’t matter how many times he had this particular dream; it never failed to shake him up, mainly because it felt so real, the phantom smell of burning lingering in the air. But that didn’t matter; he was awake now and everyone he loved was safe.

Only that statement was no longer true. The entire Republic was in danger because of him. Chancellor Palpatine was a Sith Lord. Chancellor Palpatine was _the_ Sith Lord. _The Sith Lord was also the kriffing Chancellor!_ Everything in his life had crumbled overnight and he hadn’t done anything to stop it. Nothing at all.

Anakin felt like he was on the verge of a panic attack; his heartbeat racing and his head spinning as he struggled to breathe. He felt smothered and dirty and he needed to escape, to get away, to– he didn’t even know. He didn’t know what he was going to do after everything that had transpired the night before. All he knew for sure was that the darkness was inside of him and it was eating him alive.

He needed it to stop; the events of the previous night were flooding back in a muddled rush. As the Jedi tasked with watching over the Chancellor, it was his responsibility to inform the Council of this newfound information. It would be, whether this was his job or not; after all, he’d found out the true identity of the Sith. But how could he even begin to tell the Council that? What would happen to him if he did? Would they ask him questions about the night before that he’d be unable to answer? Would they even believe him?

The poisonous thoughts continued to invade his mind:

_I never meant to hurt you, Anakin, I just had to show you the truth._

_You need me._

_Without me, you’ll be powerless._

_Don’t doubt the Council won’t turn on you too._

_You’re weak._

”Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!” Anakin screamed at no one in particular, kicking his bed sheets to the floor in the midst of his craze. He decided to take his anger out on one of the pillows, punching it repeatedly until he gave up, throwing them all to the floor. Now that they were gone, Anakin no longer felt as constricted and laid back with a sense of relief. His breathing was still slightly erratic and it hurt to move, but he also felt strangely calm and distant from his body, like an imposter. Anakin accepted this lack of control, allowing the darkness to rush over him and take away his pain. Rationally, he knew that this was in no way solving the problem, but putting some distance between himself and reality allowed him to focus on anything other than what had happened.

Like how the Council was probably searching for the Sith Lord right now, possibly working with the Chancellor himself and– okay, he was lying to himself. He couldn’t think of anything _but_ what had happened last night.

A knock on the door caught his attention. It was faint; so faint that he’d probably imagined it. Which, after everything, hearing things would be just another unfortunate development to add to his ever-growing list.

However, the door slid open and out of the corner of his eye, Anakin could see that it was Obi-Wan. It shouldn’t have surprised him as much as it did, because if it was going to be anyone, of course it’d be Obi-Wan, but what was he doing here?

”Anakin? Is there something wrong?”

He didn’t want Obi-Wan to see him like this and an uncomfortable surge of panic threatened to spill it's way from his gut. He tried to keep it under control but his chest was rising and falling much too quickly, and Obi-Wan _had_ to have noticed that. Fearing that if he so much as looked in Obi-Wan’s direction he’d burst into uncontrollable sobs, Anakin kept his gaze distant and impassive, focusing on the ceiling. Perhaps if he kept this up for long enough, Obi-Wan would get bored and leave before he had a chance to find out what a failure Anakin had been.

Despite his silent pleas to be left alone, Obi-Wan was coming closer, resting a hand on his forehead, asking him if he was sick.

 _Hands. Hands. Hands. Hands all over his body, touching him, hurting him, violating him._ Anakin flinched away, putting as much distance between himself and Obi-Wan as he could possibly manage. He only regretted it when he saw the look on Obi-Wan’s face, full of shock, horror, hurt and confusion. None of which were the outcome he’d hoped for.

”Sorry,” Anakin heard himself say, although it sounded distant and forced, like his voice wasn’t his own. In his haste to get out of the room, Anakin nearly tripped over the bed sheets he’d forgotten about on the floor, a sudden stab of pain shooting through his body. His hope of escaping without question was shattered when Obi-Wan called out behind him, 

“You’re hurt.”

Fuck. He knew, he knew, he’d figured it out and he was going to be so ashamed of him, so disgusted. But, from his blind state of panic, Anakin realised that logically this couldn’t be true. Unless the Chancellor was going around revealing his second identity to everybody now, Obi-Wan didn’t know anything; he was in control of the situation. Despite everything the Chancellor had said about Obi-Wan, Anakin knew him better. Whether or not he could trust him was another matter entirely, but he could trust him enough not to hurt him.

And so, Anakin stopped, turned to face him, summoned as much courage and dignity as he could muster and lied. “No, I’m fine, I just didn’t sleep very well.”

A pause followed that seemed to stretch into eternity, both daring each other to make the first move. Was Obi-Wan going to call him out on his obvious lie? Anakin could tell that he didn’t believe it; surely he could’ve come up with a more convincing excuse than that? He had to get out of there, and quickly, before he crumbled.

”I’m, um, going to have a shower.” Anakin said, practically running out of the room, desperate to get away before he could be questioned any further. And, as much as he wanted to stay, to tell Obi-Wan everything that had happened, he didn’t.

***

Anakin shivered as he dragged the blade across his thigh one more time, moving under the spray of water to wash away the evidence. His skin was rubbed raw, aggravated by repeatedly scrubbing at it, unable to shake the feeling of being dirty and used. Soap mixed with blood, blood mixed with water, stinging as it seeped into the fresh cuts marking his skin. The pain was a welcome distraction; the pain was what he deserved.

After a while, Anakin stepped out of the shower, hoping he’d been in there long enough for Obi-Wan to have left. It wasn’t that he didn’t want Obi-Wan to stay with him, because he did, more than anything – he just didn’t deserve any more of his kindness and concern. Couldn’t stand to see it turn into pity and disappointment.

Careful to avoid his reflection in the steam-fogged mirror, Anakin dried himself off with a towel. The flow of blood had more or less stopped so there was no need to bother with a bandage. He hid the blade towards the back of the cupboard, making sure to hide it on the top shelf where it wouldn’t be found. The stretch caused his side to ache and Anakin had to stop, pinching at the violent bruise spreading from his hip to his thigh. He hissed in pain, the ugly purple contrasting with his pale skin. It was disgusting; a stark reminder of how weak he’d been.

Overcome by a sudden wave of nausea, Anakin collapsed to the floor, dry-heaving into the toilet. Tears burned the back of his eyelids but he couldn’t get anything to come up, retching pathetically as he laid in a crumpled heap. As he pushed himself away and up against the wall, Anakin made sure that his shields were still firmly in place. He couldn’t risk Obi-Wan finding him like this. He took a couple of deep breaths, wondering why he was having this reaction now. Maybe the other Padawans had been right when they’d said he was too emotional and overdramatic to make it as a Jedi. Right now, he certainly didn’t feel very much like a Jedi. As much as his stomach clenched and his body shook with tremors, he couldn’t achieve even this relief. Useless.

He forced himself to sit there for a bit longer, waiting for the nausea to pass and his breathing to steady. Once certain that he wasn’t about to throw up or pass out on the floor, Anakin got up to turn off the shower, cleaning up all of the mess he’d left behind.

Anakin finished up, emerging from the fresher not long after. He’d been so certain that Obi-Wan had left, he nearly startled at the sight of him waiting patiently on the couch. Of course Anakin would’ve been a fool to think Obi-Wan had let him get away that easily. Still, he’d clung to the hope of being left alone to wallow in his self-pity and despair.

Taking a deep breath, Anakin found his composure and forced himself to look Obi-Wan in the eye. “I thought you’d have left by now.”

Obi-Wan gave him a small smile, leaning forward in his seat. “I wanted to make sure that you were okay first, dear one.”

 _Dear one_. That was something Anakin hadn’t heard for a while. He’d thought that he’d missed it but hearing it now only filled him with anger. After months of being as good as ignored, why was Obi-Wan pretending to care about him now? It wasn’t up to him to just pick and choose, doing whatever he felt like whenever he felt like doing it! How dare he just sit there, faking concern like nothing between them had ever changed? Anakin wasn’t sure if he wanted to laugh or to cry.

 _He doesn’t care about you, he never will_.

The strangled noise of disbelief that escaped his throat wasn’t a conscious decision. “I’m sure you did,” Anakin bit back, perhaps slightly harsher than he had intended to. “I’m going to bed.”

Obi-Wan seemed genuinely surprised by his response, although Anakin wasn’t sure what else he had expected to achieve. Obi-Wan was still talking to him but Anakin couldn’t focus on the words anymore. Obi-Wan’s gaze had returned to that of a Jedi Master, the slightest slip of emotion gone as quickly as it came. _Whatever_.

Feeling his temper flare once more, Anakin just nodded, hoping that would be enough to satisfy whatever Obi-Wan had said, leaving before he said or did something else he’d regret.

Maybe he’d have allowed his misplaced anger to fester and grow, but when Anakin returned to the safety of his bedroom, he realised that his bed had been remade for him, sheets fresh and clean. Guilt racked his conscience; he’d been so dismissive towards Obi-Wan, but was it possible that he truly did care?

_”Oh, Anakin. I can’t possibly imagine how that would make you feel,” Palpatine said, inviting Anakin to sit down at his desk._

_”I’m just so fed up with it! I’m not delusional, I know that the Council will never fully trust me, but this is starting to get ridiculous! We’re at war, for kriff’s sake! Do they not have better things to do than to constantly reprimand me for every single mistake that I make?” Anakin vented, grateful that the Chancellor was lending him an ear, although he wasn’t sure why the man continued to make time for him when all he did was complain. At least someone was listening to him. “It’s not like I don’t try but I guess that no matter what I do, I’ll never be good enough.”_

_The Chancellor nodded, clasping his hands in sympathy. “Well, I think that’s an awful shame. I simply do not understand why they’re refusing to appreciate you, especially after everything that you’ve done for the Republic.”_

_”They’re just so... frustrating!” Anakin cried, all too aware of how hysterical he sounded. “I know that I’ve only been a Knight for a few months, but that doesn’t mean they have to treat me like a child! Both the Council and Obi-Wan see me as nothing more than a disappointment and I suppose that’s all I’ll ever be. Obi-Wan didn’t even try to defend me!”_

_”That’s not your fault, Anakin. I must admit, I have always found the Jedi on that Council to be rather... pretentious,” Palpatine said, pausing as Anakin stifled a giggle. “You, on the other hand, are kind and loyal, too willing to give love to people who are unwilling to give love back. From what I can tell, Master Kenobi is a great Jedi who values the Order above all else, but unfortunately, my dear boy, that is why you’ll never come first.”_

_And although Palpatine hadn’t said it, the implications were clear; no matter what he did, Obi-Wan would never be able to truly love him_. 

Anakin collapsed into bed, breathing in the scent of fresh linen, relishing in the softness of the sheets. He could no longer sense Obi-Wan’s presence in the apartment which meant he’d probably already left, off to do whatever it was that he was doing today.

But now that he was gone, Anakin was regretting his decision to not tell him what had happened. He should’ve told him about the Sith Lord, thanked him for not going after Grievous, apologised for being such a let down and told him – well, told him everything. But he hadn’t. What if something happened to him? What if Palpatine decided to make a move on the Jedi? What if, what if... nothing was certain, all thanks to Anakin. 

Since waking up, Anakin had been fighting back the tears. Now that he was alone, he finally allowed them to fall. 


	7. Chapter 7

So far, Obi-Wan’s day had been decidedly very boring. Upon waking up, there’d been no sign of Anakin and from what he could gather, the boy had been fast asleep. When he’d left the apartment, he’d elected to leave him sleeping in peace, seeing no reason to bother him. As far as he was aware, Anakin had no pressing commitments, but then again, neither did he.

Aside from a quick errand in the Senate District (that he’d already completed), Obi-Wan had nothing to do. Ever since his confrontation with Windu a couple of days ago, he hadn’t been assigned another mission, which was both a blessing and a curse. For one, sitting around doing essentially nothing was making him feel rather useless, like he should be doing more. After suffering a few crucial losses in the recent weeks, the Separatists were understandably quiet. _Much like the quiet before the storm,_ Obi-Wan’s brain supplied unhelpfully. He really hoped that wasn’t the case though; the war was finally beginning to draw to a close, but another unexpected attack could hit the Jedi hard.

Then there were the circumstances surrounding Anakin’s... low mood – Obi-Wan still wasn’t sure as to what he should be calling it, but either way, it was still very much an issue. The more the days went on, the more certain he was that staying on Coruscant was the right decision; after all, Mace had managed just fine and would have to get over himself eventually. Obi-Wan was glad he’d listened to Anakin when he’d begged him to stay, realising that the reality of the problem was actually much worse than he’d thought. Although he wasn’t sure how much his presence was helping, he dreaded to think what would’ve happened if he’d gone and Anakin was left alone. Somehow, he got the distinct feeling it would’ve been bad, much worse than the situation was currently.

But that was why he was here, walking through the corridors of the Senate Building. Despite his best efforts, Anakin wasn’t giving him anything more than a couple of half-hearted shrugs and vague, one-worded answers. That wasn’t to mention any of his strange behaviour, or the brief echoes of pain that floated through their bond on the off-chance Anakin let his shields drop. His emotions were so complex and troubling, Obi-Wan doubted he’d be able to sort through them all, even if he had more than a few seconds to try. Without being more invasive, he’d probably never find out, and quite honestly, he was at a loss of what to do.

Hopefully, Padmé could provide him with some answers, whether she knew what had caused it, or even if she’d caused it herself. While Obi-Wan didn’t know her as well as he’d like to, he doubted she’d ever cause Anakin harm intentionally, although if they’d had a fight or something, she probably wasn’t aware of what was going on. But the more Obi-Wan thought about it, the less sense that explanation made. Maybe she wouldn’t know either and this would all be a waste of time. It was still worth a try though, mainly because he was beginning to run out of ideas and if anyone could help him, it’d be her. He was certain of it.

Obi-Wan came to a stop outside Padmé’s office, the door wide open for some reason. He did a quick survey of the room but there was no one in there besides Padmé, standing in the centre of the room with her back to the door, shuffling through some documents. She seemed rather busy and Obi-Wan regretted not taking the time to schedule a proper meeting, instead dropping by unannounced. However, in his defence, he hadn’t actually planned to come here today until he found himself walking through the door anyway.

Just as he was about to announce his arrival, Padmé whirled around like she’d sensed that someone was watching her, bringing her papers close to her chest, mouth half open in shock.

”Oh! Master Kenobi, I wasn’t expecting to see you here today,” Padmé admitted, beckoning him into the room with her free hand. She turned and moved towards her desk with the kind of dignified grace you’d only expect to see from senators or royalty. Something about her just commanded respect and attention.

”Senator Amidala,” Obi-Wan greeted with a slight incline of the head. The sentiment was pointless for she was too preoccupied to notice, placing her papers down on the desk. She smiled when she’d finished, gesturing for him to take a seat.

”Padmé’s fine,” she told him, but her smile faded when Obi-Wan didn’t offer her the same courtesy. The atmosphere quickly turned awkward as Padmé looked down at her desk, busying herself with sorting through some papers, clearing her throat to interrupt the silence. “Well, what can I do for you? I presume you’re here on behalf of the Jedi.”

”No, not exactly. I’m here about Anakin.”

”Oh.” He had her full attention now and she paused to push the papers to the side, looking up to meet his eyes, clearly worried. “Is he okay?”

”I’m not sure,” Obi-Wan said with a sigh. “I was hoping you could shine some light on that for me.”

”How so?”

”Anakin’s...” Obi-Wan felt the words die in his throat, unsure of how best to word it. He wasn’t sure how much Anakin would be comfortable with her knowing, but he also didn’t know how to explain the situation. “He hasn’t been himself lately and I have the feeling something has upset him. I don’t suppose he’s mentioned anything to you?”

Padmé’s mouth twisted with concern. “Well, I haven’t heard from him for a few days, although that’s nothing unusual. The last time I saw him, he seemed fine. A bit quiet perhaps, but considering everyth–” She cut herself off, averting her gaze to the side of his head, refusing to make eye contact. If that wasn’t a sign she knew something, Obi-Wan didn’t know what was.

”Considering what?” he asked her carefully when she didn’t speak again.

”It’s not my place to say.”

”Senator Amidala, if you know something, you must tell me,” Obi-Wan insisted, keeping his voice steady as if that would be enough to persuade her. She still looked hesitant and it dawned on him that this may have something to do with her relationship with Anakin, in which case her reluctance made sense. He’d just have to assure her this wasn’t his main concern; after all, he’d been aware that they were probably more than ‘just friends’ for a while now, and he’d never said anything before. Mainly because that would’ve been rather hypocritical of him. “I don’t mean to overstep, but I am aware of how close you and Anakin are and... you can trust me with this, whatever it may be.”

”Anakin’s a dear friend and while I know that he trusts you with his life, I am not comfortable with betraying his trust for something he told me in confidence.” Padmé sighed, tapping her fingers on the edge of the desk.

”I understand that, believe me I do, but if you think you know something, even if that concerns the two of you and your, um, _your relationship_ , you can trust me. I can assure you, I only want what is best for Anakin and I’d never intentionally jeopardise that by exposing the two of you to the Council.”

Obi-Wan tried not to cringe at the awkwardness of his words, failing miserably when he met Padmé’s icy glare. He looked away in shame. 

”Master Kenobi, if you’re implying what I think you’re implying, I’m afraid you’ve been misinformed. We are friends and nothing more, although even if we were, I’m not sure what that would have to do with anything.” Her tone was firm, leaving no room for argument. Not that he was in any position to be arguing with her; he’d probably fail at that too. After a few seconds of tense silence, Padmé spoke again, her expression softening. “But back to Anakin; how bad is he? He hasn’t..?” Padmé trailed off, concern written all over her face as she waited for her answer.

”He won’t tell me what the matter is but I can tell that something’s bothering him. He spent all of yesterday in bed and I– I just don’t know how to help him.” Obi-Wan paused, looking down at his hands. “I suppose that’s why I’m here. I thought that if you didn’t know what was wrong, you’d at least know how to help.”

”I’m sure he’s fine, Obi-Wan.” She didn’t sound very confident, more like she was trying to convince herself rather than him. “I’m not sure how much help I’d be anyway. If he’s going to talk to anyone, it’d be to you.”

”I don’t think–”

A sharp look from Padmé cut him off. “He would. But if you’d prefer it, I could drop by tomorrow morning and see if there’s anything I can do. I would come over later today, but I’ve got meetings all afternoon that I simply can’t reschedule.”

”No, of course. Thank you.”

Padmé smiled, reaching across the desk for his hand. “I’ll be there first thing tomorrow, but for now, just... make sure you’re there for him.”

Obi-Wan nodded, getting up to leave.

He’d made it halfway to the door when Padmé called after him. “Obi-Wan, wait a minute.” He slowed down to allow her to catch up and she walked him to the door. “What about you? Are you okay? You look tired.”

Why did everyone keep asking him that?

”I’m fine, Padmé, truly.” He felt a pang of regret for his earlier behaviour, realising that she was genuinely concerned about him. It was never his intention to be so cold towards her, nor as confrontational. Honestly, he’d let his personal feelings get the better of him and she didn’t deserve that. “I feel the need to apologise for my behaviour. There is no excuse, it was uncalled for and completely unacceptable on my part.”

”No, don’t be silly. You’re just worried about Anakin, it’s understandable,” Padmé assured him, resting her hand on his arm. “In fact, our conversation is already forgotten. If it makes you feel any better, Anakin and I are really just friends. I’m not sure what gave you the impression we were ever anything more.”

She gave him a knowing smile and patted her hand on his arm once more before letting him leave. Obi-Wan just stood there, staring at her in disbelief. He’d spent all of five minutes with her and she already seemed to have him figured out. He hadn’t been that obvious, had he? Oh Stars, what did she think of him? Obi-Wan tried not to think about it, forcing out some laughter as he said goodbye, hurrying down the corridors in embarrassment.

Their meeting hadn’t achieved very much, but Padmé definitely knew something he didn’t. To make it all ten times worse, he couldn’t stop thinking about what she’d told him before he’d left. It wasn’t very often he found himself jumping to conclusions, but maybe this time he had. He’d been so certain of Anakin’s infatuation with the Senator; from the way he’d sneak away to comm her on particularly long missions, to the looks they’d exchange when they finally saw each other in person again, or even that time he’d overheard a group of Padawans gossiping about how Anakin ‘totally had the hots’ for a certain Senator. Although, looking back, maybe Padawans weren’t the most reliable source of information.

Obi-Wan was so caught up in chiding himself for being such an idiot, he nearly didn’t notice the other man rounding the corner until it was too late. They collided rather unceremoniously and only then did he realise that this other man was in fact the Chancellor.

”Oh! Do forgive me, Chancellor Palpatine, I wasn’t paying attention,” Obi-Wan apologised. He also found himself wondering why this kind of thing only ever happened to him.

”No, not at all, Master Kenobi, that would be my fault,” the Chancellor said, staring him up and down.

When the man didn’t say anything else, Obi-Wan stepped to the side to let him get past. “Well I’ll–” Obi-Wan began, trying to leave before getting cut off by a firm grip on his arm. The Chancellor was looking at him with an unreadable expression on his face; Obi-Wan really just wanted to go home but he forced himself to smile politely.

”Have you seen Anakin lately? I haven’t heard from him for a while and I was hoping he’d be able to meet with me.” The Chancellor paused, looking at him carefully. “We have things to discuss.”

”Ah. Well, I apologise on Anakin’s behalf but I’m afraid he’s been feeling rather under the weather lately.”

”I see.” Palpatine exhaled slowly, nodding his head. The corners of his lips curved up ever so slightly until they resembled something similar to a smile. “That is a shame. Well, when you next see him, would you inform him that I’d like to meet with him?”

”I’m not sure when that’ll be... Anakin’s very unwell at the moment.” The lie flowed easily enough; if whatever the Chancellor needed was that important, he could relay the message to the Council instead of feeding everything through Anakin. “Is there anything I can do to assist, or perhaps a message I could pass on?”

”No, no, that won’t be necessary,” the Chancellor said hurriedly, waving a hand in dismissal. “Well, I won’t hold you up for any longer. I’m sure you’ve got other responsibilities to attend.”

Before Obi-Wan could answer him, the man had walked away, already halfway down the corridor. Staring after him in bewilderment, Obi-Wan wondered what that could’ve been about. He’d always felt a little unsettled around the Chancellor and today was no exception. If only he could’ve avoided that whole interaction because it had certainly been much weirder than usual.

*** 

  
Obi-Wan made it back to the apartment with little incident, immediately shrugging off his outer robe and folding it over the back of a chair. He did a quick scan of the apartment, however, Anakin was nowhere to be seen. But just as he was about to sit down, the familiar prod of Anakin’s Force signature brushed up against his mind, checking him over like he was desperate to see him. Well, Obi-Wan wouldn’t argue with that; he was desperate to see him too.

“Where were you?” Anakin accused as soon as he’d entered the bedroom. He was sitting up in bed, arms folded tightly over his chest, glaring at him like he’d done something wrong.

Obi-Wan swallowed, trying for a breezy smile. “Oh, you know, meetings and such.”

“You weren’t here when I woke up. I was worried.”

”Oh.” He hadn’t been expecting that; since when was Anakin worried about him? He found himself apologising anyway. “I’m sorry, Anakin. You weren’t awake when I left and I didn’t want to wake you.”

”You should’ve,” Anakin said, relaxing a little. “I wouldn’t have minded.”

”Well, I’m here now. Are you alright?”

”Yep,” Anakin answered in an emotionless tone, sounding about as far from alright as you could possibly be.

”I ran into the Chancellor today,” Obi-Wan said after a pause, realising that Anakin hadn’t planned on elaborating any further. “He wanted to know how you were and mentioned something about needing to meet with you. It sounded important, although he refused to pass on a message so I wouldn’t worry about it too much.”

Anakin’s eyes widened and the blood drained from his face. “What did you say?”

”I told him that you were sick and wouldn’t be able to meet with him for a few days.” Obi-Wan frowned. “Was that alright?”

Anakin nodded, looking relieved. “Thanks.”

Obi-Wan sighed as the conversation fell quiet again. Anakin reached behind him for his pillow, bringing it round to the front of his body and hugging it close to his chest. He rested his chin on top of it, looking up at Obi-Wan through his lashes. Obi-Wan found he was unable to look away.

The sound of Anakin’s growling stomach cut through the silence, and it was only then did Obi-Wan realise he hadn’t moved for the past few minutes. Anakin looked up like he’d just realised this too, although he didn’t seem to mind.

”Have you eaten today?” Obi-Wan eventually asked. Anakin shrugged, then shook his head, providing him with the perfect opportunity to leave. “I’ll go get you some food then.”

Once in the kitchen, Obi-Wan inwardly groaned, leaning forward on the counter with his head in his hands. He felt drained, both emotionally and physically. It didn’t seem to matter what he tried, Anakin still wouldn’t talk to him. In a way, Obi-Wan couldn’t even blame him; he hadn’t been the most available in the past, nor was he the most understanding. Remembering all of the times he should’ve been a better master – a better friend – it only added to Obi-Wan’s guilt.

Because of all of his mistakes, Anakin was no longer willing to trust him, even if Padmé had seemed so certain he would. _If he’s going to talk to anyone, it’d be to you_. What did she even mean by that? To Obi-Wan, it seemed more likely that if he was going to talk to anyone, it’d be to her. But considering how mistaken he’d been when he’d thought Anakin and Padmé were... well, he wasn’t sure what he’d thought. He was behaving like a jealous teenager instead of the thirty-eight-year-old man that he was, and it was starting to get pitiful. _What was wrong with him?_

At least Padmé had agreed to come over tomorrow; hopefully she’d have more success with figuring out what was going on.

Emotional crisis over, Obi-Wan began to sort through the cupboards, trying to find something to eat. He eventually settled on some sandwiches – quick and easy – and made a couple for both himself and Anakin. He delivered them wordlessly and Anakin accepted the plate with a mumbled thanks. Deciding it would be best to leave him alone, Obi-Wan returned to the kitchen to eat in peace. After that, he settled down for a night of self-prescribed meditation and sleep; all he needed to do was clear his kriffing head.

***

_Anakin was on the floor, limbless and writhing in pain. A river of lava flowed endlessly behind him, the atmosphere thick and ashy. Reaching out with his only remaining appendage – his durasteel hand – he tried to pull himself up, silently pleading for help. But with each desperate attempt, he slipped further and further down the bank._

_Anakin was burning now, crying out in pain. Crying out for help._

_Obi-Wan couldn’t move, couldn’t make it down the steep, volcanic bank to help him. Embers danced through the smoke, barely muffling the torturous cries that pierced his heart._

_He looked down at the glowing lightsaber held in his hand, the blue blade painfully obvious against the backdrop of this Sith-cursed planet. Was he the monster that did this?_

_He couldn’t be._

_But when Anakin looked up at him, grasping at the crumbling rocks, Obi-Wan knew that he had his answer. Eyes yellow and full of hatred, Anakin screamed at him, a scream he would never forget._

_”I HATE YOU!”_

Obi-Wan sat up in bed, blinking into the darkness. His heart was beating fast as he tried to forget the dream, turning on his bedside light and rubbing at his eyes. _He could still hear the cries._ The time on the chrono read 00:37, the flashing numbers mocking him and his inability to sleep. At least this time he was able to get a couple of hours rest before being violently awoken by, well, whatever that was.

Another muffled sob caught Obi-Wan’s attention. Was that Anakin? Now that he was fully awake, he could be certain that the strangled cries were more than just an echo of a dream; these were real.

Obi-Wan sighed as he got up to check on him, grabbing his robe on the way out. He came to a stop outside Anakin’s door, knocking once, twice, waiting for an answer.

He was about to give up and go back to bed, even though he probably wouldn’t be getting a lot of sleep anyway, but then he heard Anakin clear his throat and he was granted permission to enter. Obi-Wan opened the door, seeing that the room was lit by the dull orange glow of the bedside light. Anakin was sat on the edge of the bed, one leg hanging over the side as he furiously wiped at his face with his sleeve.

”Hey,” Anakin said, like this was a perfectly normal occurrence for 00:39 in the morning and he hadn’t just been crying his eyes out.

”Hello,” Obi-Wan replied, closing the door behind him. Anakin gave him a watery smile as he went to sit down opposite him in the chair pulled up to the side of the bed. “I thought I heard you crying. Is everything alright?”

Anakin looked down in embarrassment. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

”There’s no need to worry about that, I was awake anyway,” Obi-Wan said, giving him a reassuring smile. Anakin looked up at him and then over to the chrono, raising an eyebrow in question. “I had a nightmare.”

”Dreams pass in time,” Anakin said before clamping a hand down over his mouth, eyes wide in horror. “I’m so sorry, Obi-Wan, I didn’t mean–”

“No, stop, it’s fine. I– Well, I suppose I deserved that one,” Obi-Wan admitted with a mirthless laugh. Anakin didn’t look convinced.

”Do you want to talk about it?”

”Not particularly. I don’t suppose you want to tell me why you were crying?”

”I can’t.” Anakin sniffed, turning away as silent tears began to stream down his face. Another sob rang out through the room and Obi-Wan could no longer allow himself to sit idly by while Anakin suffered.

As he moved to sit on the bed next to Anakin, he was careful not to invade his personal space. When the mattress dipped, Anakin turned over his shoulder to watch him, confusion plastered all over his face. Reaching out slowly, Obi-Wan placed his hand on Anakin’s back, watching his expression closely for any signs of the reaction he’d prompted yesterday. It didn’t come; Anakin tensed up at first, still shaking from the crying but he eventually relaxed into the touch with a gentle sigh. Obi-Wan felt himself relax too, rubbing small, comforting circles into the material of Anakin’s shirt.

”It’s okay. Whenever you’re ready to talk about it, I’ll be ready to listen. Whatever you need, I’ll be right here.”

Anakin shifted around completely, causing his hand to move from his back to his shoulder. He looked up at him with eyes that glistened with tears. The sight broke his heart, but at least they were blue and not the hideous yellow they’d been in his dream. “Thank you, Obi-Wan,” Anakin said, sniffing as he removed the hand from his shoulder. “Can you sleep here tonight? It’s just– I don’t want to be alone anymore.”

”Yes, of course,” Obi-Wan promised, getting up to move back over to the armchair. It was a little small but comfortable enough, maybe not the ideal place to sleep but he supposed it would have to do. He could still sense Anakin’s discomfort, and whether that was to do with himself or something else, he knew that respecting his boundaries would help to alleviate some of that.

He’d barely left the bed when a metal hand clamped down around his wrist. “Where are you going?”

”I’m going to sleep on the chair, what does it look like?” Obi-Wan asked, raising an eyebrow. Trust Anakin to ask him something, only to forget about it mere seconds later.

Anakin chuckled quietly. Stars, he’d missed that sound. “You’re not spending the whole night in that chair, no way.” He shifted over to the other side of the bed, pulling back the sheets and patting the now empty space on the mattress. “You can... you can sleep here. I promise I don’t snore.”

”Are you sure?”

”Yeah, I’ll just stay over here and you can have the other side. If you’d like.” Obi-Wan looked down at Anakin who was staring up at him sincerely.

”Very well,” Obi-Wan accepted as he slid under the sheets, immediately relaxing. Anakin smiled down at him before leaning over to turn the light off, plunging the room into sudden darkness. “Goodnight, Anakin.”

”Goodnight, Master.”

It took Anakin a while to get comfortable, tossing and turning every few minutes. Obi-Wan was lying on the edge of the bed, as was Anakin, about a foot of distance between them. It didn’t feel like very much though; this was the closest they’d been in ages. After a few more minutes, Anakin’s fidgeting stopped and his breathing slowed, snoring softly into his pillow. _So much for not snoring,_ Obi-Wan thought, although he couldn’t find it within himself to care, the sound slowly lulling him to sleep as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Confession: I had planned for the conversation between Padmé and Obi-Wan to be a lot more awkward but I was getting too much secondhand embarrassment and I had to call it quits...
> 
> Also, should I stop with all the dream scenes?? I know I’m not great at writing them but I’m also starting to enjoy them way too much...! :)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to take a moment to say thank you to everyone who has supported me and this fanfic so far, your encouragement means so much! I honestly can’t explain how much I appreciate you all, I’m shocked that people are even interested in this! <3

When Anakin woke up in the morning, he was alone. Although the empty bed didn’t come as much of a surprise, it still stung a lot more than he cared to admit. The space next to him was just empty, like no one had ever been there in the first place. Maybe it was naive expectation that he’d hoped for it to be anything more – anything more than alone.

It was fine though; Anakin knew he should feel grateful Obi-Wan had agreed to stay with him last night. It wasn’t so often his master was agreeable to activities of that nature, however, his willingness may have had something to do with Anakin crying his eyes out like some kind of pathetic mess. He did not want to be making a habit out of that; _it was humiliating._

Despite the initial embarrassment, Anakin had actually managed to sleep through the night for the first time in months; not once had he awoken and the nightmares were non-existent. It may have been nothing more than a coincidence, but he was thankful for Obi-Wan all the same. Even if he’d left halfway through the night, he’d at least stayed long enough for Anakin to fall asleep and that was all he’d needed.

Anakin sat up and stretched, unfamiliar with sleeping comfortably enough to need to do that – comfortably enough to almost forget the reason he’d been crying in the first place. But he was awake now and he no longer had that luxury; shame and embarrassment were beginning to take hold. _What had he been thinking?_ The last thing he’d wanted was for Obi-Wan to walk in on his breakdown, but he had, and he couldn’t do anything to remedy that now. He’d successfully solidified Obi-Wan’s opinion of him and now he’d never be seen as anything more than a weak and pathetic mess. In fact, Anakin was certain the only reason Obi-Wan had agreed to stay with him was out of pity.

Choosing to push those thoughts aside, at least for now, Anakin groaned and forced himself out of bed. After hiding in his bedroom for two days straight, he was beginning to detest the very sight of it. It wasn’t like there was much to it; a decently-sized bed, a bedside table that housed a couple of holographs, a desk full of droid parts, a wardrobe, and an armchair. That was it. And although the room lacked personality, Anakin knew that most Jedi would still find it distasteful, citing something stupid about having too many possessions or another spew of crap he didn’t care to listen to. Either way, it didn’t really matter; he was fed up with it. At least if he transferred his self-loathing to the couch, he’d get a change of scenery.

Anakin had no plans to leave the apartment today, even if he should be training or getting some form of exercise or, you know, _actually fulfilling his role as a Jedi for once._ But that wasn’t out of fear, just... self-preservation. The only person he’d seen since that night was Obi-Wan, and he was perfectly content to keep it that way. Because, despite how much he loved and trusted his master, he could barely control his reactions around him; how bad would he be around someone else?

He didn’t want to see anybody else.

Besides, as soon as he left the safety of the apartment, he’d have to face up to the reality of the situation and all of the consequences that came along with it. Obviously not telling the Council what he’d found out was wrong, but as far as he was aware, the Chancellor had not yet made a move. The more time passed, the clearer it was becoming that Anakin was expected to make that move first. But if he never made said move, how long would it be until the Chancellor gave up?

It was too much pressure for him to deal with. He couldn’t shake the feeling that everything relied on him. What made it worse was that he couldn’t stop thinking about what the man had said, what he’d been offered. That night in the office, he’d felt the power and the pull of the dark side, he’d been shown how weak he was without it. There was a small part of him, a part that he tried to push down, that needed that power too. Without it, he’d never be strong enough to protect his loved ones, strong enough to learn the secrets of the Force Palpatine had promised to teach him. It was wrong that a part of him, however small it may be, craved the darkness, craved the power. It was wrong that he couldn’t ignore it. But he also knew that if he gave in, he wouldn’t just be letting himself down, he’d be letting Obi-Wan down too. It’d be more than a disappointment, it would be a betrayal of the strongest form. Anakin wouldn’t be able to live with himself if it came to that.

Confiding in Obi-Wan was the obvious choice – the only choice – but after that, things would change forever. All of the things Anakin thought about himself, Obi-Wan would think too. It’d be so much easier to just disappear and then none of this would be his problem anymore.

On his way out of the bedroom, Anakin grabbed himself a fresh set of clothes and a towel, planning to distract himself with a shower. His skin was crawling, aching for a release, the tension only growing stronger the longer he waited.

But before he could make it to the fresher, Anakin noticed a faint, distant humming sounding from the kitchen, a smile spreading across his face as the familiarity of the sound calmed him. Over the past few years, Anakin had realised that his master often sang when he thought he was alone. Thought being the key word because Anakin had taken to hiding behind corners or lingering just outside of tents, rooms and showers just so he’d get to hear it. Whenever Anakin made his presence known, the singing would immediately stop, like it had never even happened. His master’s voice was just too lovely for him to keep to himself, so Anakin continued to hide, hoping Obi-Wan would never catch on to what he was doing. 

Anakin didn’t feel like hiding today so he instead stopped in the doorway, the humming fading immediately, just as he’d predicted. Obi-Wan smiled at him, setting his mug down on the side. The sunlight caught his hair bringing out its golden undertones, his Jedi robes hanging loose on his body. Knowing him, he’d probably been awake for a while now, although he didn’t look too tired, considering.

”Good morning, Anakin.”

”Morning, Master,” Anakin replied, earning himself a frown from Obi-Wan in the process. Anakin frowned back before remembering how Obi-Wan didn’t seem to like being called that anymore. Anakin couldn’t see what the problem was. He liked doing it, so what?

”Did you sleep well?” Obi-Wan asked, thankfully choosing not to comment on it as he leant back against the counter, bracing himself with his arms.

”Yeah, I did actually.” Anakin said after a pause, trying to decide whether or not to mention what had happened last night or if it’d be best to pretend it had never happened. Obi-Wan had asked though, so maybe he should acknowledge it. At the very least he could apologise. “Thank you for staying with me last night, I’m sorry you had to see that.”

There were so many other things Anakin wanted to say to him: he wanted to know how long he’d stayed last night, had he felt uncomfortable or pressured to do so and did he think any less of him because of it, but Anakin managed to hold himself back. If he started, the questions would be endless. Besides, that may be pushing it too far; maybe they were questions he didn’t want the answer to. As long as he stayed blissfully ignorant, he could pretend that his master was completely fine with it, however unlikely that may be. After all, this was the man who became awkward at the merest hint of physical contact or affection. Oh Force, what had he been thinking?

”It’s no bother, Anakin. I’d gladly spend the whole night watching over you if that’s what you needed.”

The words were said so casually, yet Anakin still had trouble believing what he’d heard. It wasn’t until he truly thought about what Obi-Wan could’ve meant by that did his eyes widen in horror. “Did you not get any sleep last night?”

He’d been so selfish, he hadn’t even stopped to think about how Obi-Wan would feel.

_Selfish, selfish, selfish._

”What?” Obi-Wan paused for a moment before seeming to realise what Anakin was thinking. “Oh, no, I slept very well actually. I only meant to say that there is no need to apologise because I’d rather make sure you were okay than have you be alone and hurting.”

 _Oh_.

He hadn’t been expecting that. He hadn’t been expecting Obi-Wan to care. Or to at least imply that he cared, the point still stood.

”Speaking of,” Obi-Wan continued before Anakin could ask any questions, “Do you want to talk about what happened last night? I could make you some breakfast and we can talk about it, if you’d like?”

An the cold grip of panic flowed within him but Anakin fought to push it down. How could he tell him? He wasn’t ready yet, he’d barely had time to process everything that had happened himself; Obi-Wan wouldn’t _understand_.

But, more than anything, Anakin was scared. Scared of himself, scared of what would happen, scared of damaging their relationship beyond repair.

Just as he was about to make up another excuse to brush him off, Anakin remembered the bundle of clothes in his arms and that he’d actually been doing something before getting sidetracked. Anakin straightened up, taking a deep breath before speaking, trying to project confidence and calmness into the Force.

”I appreciate the offer, but I was actually going to have a shower.”

Obi-Wan stared at him in disbelief while Anakin awkwardly tried to gesture to the clothing held in his arms. Obi-Wan just nodded, pressing his lips together. ”Okay then. Maybe later.”

”Mmm,” Anakin hummed in half-agreement. There was only so long he could avoid this for but right now, the last thing he wanted to do was talk about it.

He didn’t know what to say or how to explain what had happened, but he’d work up the nerve eventually. Soon, he corrected. Soon. The longer he waited around here though, the closer he came to risking another episode like last night. Obi-Wan had already witnessed one crying fit, he’d rather not make that two. And so, Anakin left, eager to get to the fresher, away from all of his problems.

Because showers were no longer just showers; for Anakin, they were an escape.

***

After his shower, Anakin emerged from the fresher feeling slightly cleaner, hiding a bloodied towel amongst the clothes he’d already dumped in the laundry basket. He’d have to remember to deal with that later, but for now, he didn’t really care.

He found Obi-Wan in the living area, typing something up on a datapad. When Anakin sat down, Obi-Wan glanced up at him, putting his datapad to the side without a second thought, giving him his full attention. And, although Anakin appreciated the gesture, he couldn’t help but feel guilty for interrupting, fully intending to have sat in silence enjoying his master’s company.

”What were you doing?” Anakin eventually asked, shifting in his seat as he struggled to get comfortable.

”I was only writing up a report for the Council, nothing too important.”

Anakin almost snorted at that, certain the Council wouldn’t be too impressed if they’d heard Obi-Wan refer to their report as ‘nothing too important’. He managed to hold it in though, thrown off by how casually Obi-Wan had dismissed it. After all, how many times had he been lectured for not treating Council reports and assignments with enough seriousness?

”Are you feeling alright?” Obi-Wan asked, furrowing his brow. Anakin tugged at his sleeve and checked over his shields, making sure he hadn’t let something slip accidentally..

“Yeah, I’m–” Anakin began, but his lie was cut off by the sound of the doorbell buzzing. He glanced over his shoulder to look at the door, eyeing it warily. It was still quite early, but then again, Jedi did tend to be fond of getting up at the most ridiculous times, so he shouldn’t be surprised. However, it was rare that someone visited them directly at the apartment, and Anakin’s surprise was quickly replaced by apprehension.

Obi-Wan had already gotten up to answer the door, unaware of Anakin’s unease. Anakin forced himself to push it down, getting up to follow behind him, just in case. He realised he was hovering a bit too close though when Obi-Wan sent a questioning look over his shoulder, reaching the door before him. Anakin took a reluctant step back and allowed him to open it.

While he hadn’t had any idea of who it’d be, he’d had a pretty good idea of who it wouldn’t be. Yet, despite all odds, that person was the one standing behind the door, smiling widely.

”Padmé?” Anakin asked, unable to keep the shock out of his voice. “What?”

Anakin wasn’t just surprised to see her – after all, she rarely visited him here at the Temple – but he was also surprised that Obi-Wan didn’t seem surprised to see her, greeting her like he’d been expecting her. After giving Obi-Wan a quick hug, Padmé moved over to greet him.

“Hello, Ani.” She opened her arms to give him a hug but Anakin dodged it at the last second, instead opting for an awkward pat on the shoulder. A flash of hurt passed over her face but it was gone in an instant. She turned to say something to Obi-Wan instead, while Anakin collapsed back onto the sofa, trying to ignore the voice in his head that mocked him for being so weak.

Not long later, Obi-Wan and Padmé joined him, Padmé sitting down next to him. She arranged her skirts and aimed a look at Obi-Wan Anakin was sure he wasn’t supposed to see. He ignored it though as both focused their attention onto him. Anakin suddenly felt rather overwhelmed, trying to avoid eye contact.

”Is everything okay, Anakin?”

Anakin nodded, despite knowing that everything _wasn’t_ okay, but it was so much easier to lie to her when he didn’t actually have to speak. It was obvious she didn’t believe him though; both were looking at him expectantly, waiting for him to give them more of an answer. After a few more seconds, Anakin just pressed his lips together, trying for a shrug instead. Padmé eventually gave up, turning her attention back over to Obi-Wan.

”Well, what about you Obi-Wan? How are you doing?”

Little by little, it dawned on Anakin that this wasn’t just a friendly meeting, nor was it a professional one. Padmé seemed a lot more interested in small talk which was unlike her to not get straight to the point. That could only mean that small talk _was_ the point; Obi-Wan had probably gone to Padmé, fed up with his childish behaviour, hoping she’d be able to fix it. Now he wasn’t just wasting Obi-Wan’s time, but Padmé’s as well. Over the past few days, he’d tried hard to hide how badly he was hurting, not wanting to burden anyone else with his problems, but he clearly hadn’t succeeded.

”I’m... fine,” Obi-Wan said carefully, directing his gaze over to Anakin who immediately looked down to the floor. “How were your meetings yesterday?”

”They were tense,” Padmé admitted. “I’m trying to encourage negotiations with the Separatists to help end the war peacefully, but I’m afraid that not everyone agrees with my proposal.”

”Ah, I see. Well, now would be the time to do it considering all of the progress we’ve made recently.”

”I agree.”

Anakin stopped following the conversation after that. They weren’t talking about anything of interest; sometimes he’d catch the odd comment and realised they’d moved on from politics to talk about the Jedi and the war, then they were onto the topic of Naboo, and at some point, they even began to talk about some Holodrama he hadn’t realised Obi-Wan watched – if he’d been in a better mood, he probably would’ve teased him about that. To Anakin’s surprise, they even tried to hold a conversation about ships and flying, clearly hoping to catch his attention but he made no effort to join in. They moved on pretty quickly after that and Anakin zoned out completely.

They we’re both here for him, that much was clear. He should feel lucky that they were both here, safe. He should feel grateful that he had two people sat here for no other purpose than to talk to him. But he didn’t feel like that, or at least not primarily. He wanted to run, far, far away from here. He’d caused too much trouble already, he wasn’t worth the energy. How much easier would it be if he just disappeared?

It wasn’t fair to them. Padmé already worried about him far too much; if he told her what had happened, she’d never stop. She’d never look at him in the same way ever again. Not to mention Obi-Wan, who was sat stroking his beard thoughtfully, listening to whatever it was that Padmé was saying. Did he actually care or did he just want him to stop sulking and get on with it? Let go of his emotions or something. Anakin had never been any good at that.

Every so often, he’d catch one of their eyes accidentally and he’d force himself to nod, smile or laugh to make it seem like he’d been listening.

_He wasn’t._

_He couldn’t._

They were both right here; either one of them he could tell. Or, even better, he could bite the blaster bolt and tell them both. Get it over with quickly.

_Hey, just to let you know, Chancellor Palpatine is the Sith Lord. I know this information could help end the war and bring peace to the galaxy, but for some reason, I decided to keep it to myself. Possibly because I think I’m expected to join him in whatever he has planned. I’m sorry I let you all down, I’ll do better next time._

But he couldn’t say that, could he? They wouldn’t believe him! And what about... the thing that happened afterwards. Could he tell them that? No. The confession, although on the tip of his tongue, refused to leave his lips. It would be so easy to tell them, and yet, so difficult. It was pathetic.

He was Anakin Skywalker, for kriff’s sake; he’d never had a way with words, it would only come out as a jumbled rush and that wouldn’t help anyone. As soon as he told them, it’d put them both in danger and he couldn’t do that. But weren’t they in more danger if they didn’t know? Padmé was a Senator, she saw the man on a daily basis. Although they hadn’t always seen eye to eye in the past, she trusted the Chancellor, trusted the mask he wore. They wouldn’t believe him. They’d hate him.

Anakin was spiralling, he knew that, and his thought process wasn’t making the most sense either. Somewhere along the way, he’d started briefing heavily, bringing his knees up to his chest. The conversation around him had stopped and he could feel their eyes burning into him, no doubt concerned with his behaviour. Everyone was always concerned, weren’t they?

”Anakin?” A voice asked. _Padmé_. It was Padmé who was trying to get his attention. Anakin forced himself to look up, trying to focus on her eyes rather than everything else. But he couldn’t calm down and everything was spinning in and out of focus and he felt like he was being buried alive. 

”Anakin!” Padmé repeated, louder this time. “What’s going on? Are you alright?”

She rested a hand on his knee and Anakin instinctively flinched away, scrambling to get off the couch, falling straight onto the floor in the process.

Padmé looked down at him in horror, hand still suspended in mid-air. But before she could say anything, Anakin had already pushed himself to his feet, panting heavily as he stood in the middle of the room.

”Anakin,” Obi-Wan began, looking just as horrified as Padmé.

”TEA!” Anakin cried suddenly, surprising both himself and everyone else in the room.

Now Obi-Wan just looked confused. “Excuse me?”

”Yes, tea!” Anakin repeated, realising he could use this as an opportunity to leave. Although in hindsight, he probably could’ve thought of a better excuse than that. He looked between Obi-Wan and Padme who were exchanging uneasy looks with one another. Anakin took a steadying breath and tried again. “Would you like some tea?”

Obi-Wan sighed in exasperation. “What in the world has gotten into you? Sit down.”

Anakin stayed standing, moving his attention away from Obi-Wan and over to Padmé, silently pleading with her to accept and provide him with an excuse to leave. He couldn’t stay here any longer, not after the scene he’d just made.

”Padmé?” he prompted when she did not immediately provide him with an answer. Padmé sat up straight, picking at something invisible on her skirt as she considered his offer.

”Yes, okay, Ani. Tea would be... nice.” Padmé turned to Obi-Wan, giving him a half-shrug that Anakin pretended not to notice. Instead, he hurried away to the kitchen, determined not to make himself look like even more of an idiot.

Tea? Seriously? Thank the Force for Padmé granting him an excuse to leave. If he’d had a full-fledged panic attack in front of both of them...

Now that he no longer had two pairs of eyes on him, watching his reactions and prying for answers, Anakin felt a lot calmer. He wanted to tell them, he did, he just... couldn’t.

Because once he did, everything would change and he’d lose all control. Not that he’d ever been in control in the first place.

Anakin suddenly remembered his reason for leaving and set the water to boil, grabbing the tea and a mug from the cupboard with shaking hands. Although he didn’t drink tea himself, he’d made it enough times for Obi-Wan for the process to become familiar, the routine helping him to regain some of his composure.

As he waited for the water to heat up, Anakin sunk to the floor with his back up against the wall. He rolled down his sleeve to absentmindedly scratch at the mess on his arms, the dull sting helping to alleviate some of his anxiety. Despite this distraction, however, it still wasn’t enough for Anakin to stop himself from eavesdropping in on the conversation going on in the living room.

”–he won’t even talk to me. I’m not sure he trusts me anymore.”

There was quiet for a moment, but then Padmé’s voice filled the empty silence. “We’ve been over this, Obi-Wan.” _So they had been talking about him_. Anakin found himself wondering what exactly had been said. “He does trust you, more than anyone. You... well, you mean a lot to him, whether he’ll admit it or not.”

Well, that was one way to put it. Of course Obi-Wan meant a lot to him, wasn’t that obvious? Even if Obi-Wan didn’t feel the same, Anakin had never tried to hide it. Well, not exactly, anyway.

There were another few seconds pause before Padmé added a quiet, but firm, “This isn’t your fault.”

Anakin froze. This... _what?_ Was that really what Obi-Wan thought? That couldn’t be further from the truth; Obi-Wan was the only reason he was still holding on. Anakin buried his face in his hands, overcome by guilt. He’d been so selfish, he hadn’t stopped for one second to think about how his master would feel. He was hurting him, he was hurting them both, all because they cared about him. It wasn’t fair.

”I’m just worried about him.” Obi-Wan admitted.

That’s when Anakin stopped listening; he didn’t want to hear anymore, it hurt too much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I really wanted to get into Anakin’s head for this chapter and as a result, we ended up with... this.  
> Anakin’s definitely experiencing a lot of internal conflict right now (light vs dark, right vs wrong, to talk or to not talk...), BUT, I think he’s slowly coming to terms with everything and accepting that he has to tell someone about it. Obviously Anakin isn’t the most reliable narrator when it comes to how he views himself and there’s still a lot of fear, however, some part of him is finally wanting to talk to Obi-Wan about it. I’m sure most of you will be pleased because we know what that means (bad news for Palpatine!)  
> Side note, I suck at writing panic attacks so I’m sorry if that scene fell flat. I tried :(  
> I’m gonna end this long-ass author’s note here because it’s nearly 4am again and I need to be up in 3 hours (seriously, who’s surprised?)


	9. Chapter 9

Padmé and Obi-Wan sat in stunned silence, too shocked to speak. With Anakin’s dramatic departure, the atmosphere had shifted and neither were quite sure of what to say.

When Obi-Wan had visited Padmé at her office yesterday, she’d have been lying if she said she wasn’t worried about how Anakin was doing, however, she also hadn’t expected him to be as bad as _this_. Since she’d arrived, Anakin had barely spoken a word to her despite how hard she’d tried to encourage him and then seemingly out of nowhere, he’d started hyperventilating on the couch, sounding like he was on the verge of a panic attack. She hadn’t prepared herself for the reality of the situation, and by the looks of it, neither had Obi-Wan.

Ever since Anakin’s mother had died, around the time the two of them became close, Padmé had realised just how badly Anakin struggled sometimes. It wasn’t surprising considering how much he’d been through already, especially when she seemed to be the only one he was willing to talk to. Even then, he could still be reluctant to open up, but Padmé was usually able to coax it out of him. It was how their friendship worked; she was there for him, he was there for her. And while she’d noticed how much stress Anakin was dealing with lately, she’d assumed it was just because of the war. Now, however, she was afraid she’d been mistaken and this was actually the cause of something much worse. Due to their separate responsibilities to the Republic, they rarely had the chance to see each other anymore – as a result, Padmé hadn’t realised just how steadily his mental health had declined.

With Ahsoka gone, Anakin only had herself and Obi-Wan to talk to, but even then, he liked to pretend that everything was fine, so set on proving he didn’t have any weaknesses. It didn’t matter how many times Padmé tried to explain to him that having these problems didn’t make you any more of a burden – or ‘pathetic’ as Anakin so often liked to put it – he refused to listen to reason. All of her suggestions of finding him someone to talk to went shut down, stubborn as always, and now it seemed like everything she’d feared would happen if he continued to let these problems grow and fester was happening. It wasn’t fair for Anakin to have to deal with this all by himself; Padmé only wished he’d realise there was no shame in admitting you needed help.

The heart of the matter was, if Anakin didn’t talk to her, he wouldn’t talk to anyone. Not even Obi-Wan, who would be so much better suited to help Anakin with the majority of his troubles – Padmé couldn’t understand why Anakin wouldn’t just talk to him when that was what he so clearly wanted to do.

She could still remember how distraught Anakin had been that day he’d come to talk to her, devastated because he was convinced Obi-Wan was trying to distance himself from him. Of course she couldn’t speak for Obi-Wan himself, but she’d tried her best to comfort him, explaining that it likely wasn’t anything he’d done, suggesting it was probably not intentional or just a result of him being under a lot of stress, but Anakin was inconsolable. He was convinced Obi-Wan simply didn’t care about him or had ‘finally grown sick’ of him, yet Anakin refused to confront him about it, adamant it would only make things worse. It was then that Padmé realised there was more to the story than she’d previously thought, and especially after seeing how worried Obi-Wan was about Anakin, she could say with all certainty that Anakin’s fears were untrue.

Padmé eventually managed to extract herself from her thoughts, turning to look at Obi-Wan who was sitting with his head in his hands, looking just as defeated as she felt. “Well,” she began in an effort to get his attention. “I suppose I see what you mean now.”

Obi-Wan just nodded, fixing his gaze firmly in the direction of the kitchen, looking like he was contemplating whether or not to get up and follow Anakin.

”Hey, I’m sure it’s not as bad as you think,” Padmé said, trying her best to reassure him. She wasn’t certain she’d been successful though, given she hadn’t yet managed to convince herself.

Obi-Wan finally turned to face her, giving her an incredulous look. “You did just witness that, right? That was not a normal reaction to you touching him.”

”No, I suppose not,” Padmé sighed, realising he had a point. Especially for someone like Anakin who found comfort in touch, the reaction did not match the action.

There was a brief respite in the flow of the conversation before Obi-Wan spoke again, leaning back against the sofa with one leg crossed over his knee. “Something similar happened to me the other day.”

“Oh. Did you ask him about it?”

”No, I just assumed it didn’t mean anything, but... I suppose I’ve been doing a lot of looking the other way lately,” Obi-Wan admitted with an edge of guilt to his voice. Padmé was about to scold him for being so unaware, but managed to restrain herself at the sight of Obi-Wan looking so utterly lost and helpless. “If only I’d been more insistent he told me what was wrong when I first noticed that something was bothering him, maybe I would’ve been able to help him sooner. But I didn’t, and now he won’t even talk to me. I’m not sure he trusts me anymore.”

Padmé reached over to rest a hand on his knee in an attempt to comfort him, no longer wanting to hear Obi-Wan talk so critically about himself.

”We’ve been over this, Obi-Wan,” Padmé told him, voice firm. “He does trust you, more than anyone. You... well, you mean a lot to him, whether he’ll admit it or not. This _isn’t_ your fault.”

She really wasn’t pleased with their complete lack of communication, but then again, she supposed she could see where they were coming from. Sometimes, Anakin would be impossible to talk to but as long as you were patient and persistent, he’d eventually open up. And while Anakin would always come to her first, Padmé knew that at least sometimes, he’d much rather be talking to Obi-Wan, he just didn’t feel like the man cared enough to listen. Yet, if their most recent interactions were anything to go by, Padmé could see that quite the opposite was true. If only they’d just talk to each other and admit how they really felt, but that was another matter all together.

”I’m just worried about him. I don’t know how to help.”

”I’m worried too,” Padmé admitted, trying to follow her own advice about the importance of healthy communication.

After a couple of seconds pause, Obi-Wan nodded and asked, “Are you sure that you don’t know what’s wrong?”

Padmé swallowed as she twisted her mouth, trying to decide if it would be appropriate to tell Obi-Wan what little she knew. After all, if she kept it to herself, how long would it be before the two of them decided to engage in said ‘healthy communication’ themselves? Knowing how terrible the two of them were at talking to each other, it could quite possibly be forever and even then that was a stretch. However, it also wasn’t her place to say; it was up to Anakin and Anakin alone to talk to Obi-Wan. She _could_ tell him about her concerns for Anakin’s deteriorating mental health, she _could_ tell him about Anakin’s stress and nightmares, she _could also_ tell him about how alone Anakin sometimes felt, yet somehow, she felt like not even she was aware of what was truly going on and everything that she did know was barely scratching the surface. Whatever it was, Anakin seemed intent on keeping it all to himself which really wasn’t the greatest coping mechanism. Although, Force knows Anakin didn’t always have the most healthy coping mechanisms.

”I thought I might have, but now I’m not so sure.”

Obi-Wan seemed to accept that as his answer, fortunately choosing not to press any further. Then Padmé noticed his gaze flit over to something behind her and she turned to see that Anakin had returned, carrying a small cup of tea in his hands. He appeared to have calmed down now or was at least hiding it well; if Padmé hadn’t witnessed his earlier outburst, she wouldn’t have had any idea something was wrong.

Anakin avoided Padmé’s eyes as he handed her the tea although he was unable to hide the shaking of his hands. “Here you go.”

”Thank you, Ani.” Padmé said, accepting the tea with both hands as Anakin went to sit back down, still making sure to keep some distance between them. Padmé pretended not to notice, taking a few sips of her tea to be polite before setting it down on the table in front of her. She hadn’t really wanted it, but Anakin had seemed very eager to find an excuse to leave, so she’d accepted his offer giving him the reason he was so desperately looking for. It had at least provided her with the opportunity to talk to Obi-Wan alone.

Now that Anakin had returned however, the room fell into yet another awkward silence. Anakin was shifting next to her, no doubt aware he’d been the subject of the previous conversation; there was no use in starting up another conversation to pretend that he hadn’t been. Padmé glanced between the two Jedi, realising they were still staring at each other defiantly, both stubbornly silent and refusing to talk. She was unable to hold back a sigh then, wondering how they ever managed to talk about anything if this was what they were like when she wasn’t here.

”Is there something wrong, Anakin?” Padmé asked when it became clear that neither one of them had any plans to break the silence. At the very least, someone should try to acknowledge what had happened before Anakin had left the room.

Anakin tore his gaze away from Obi-Wan and Padmé only now noticed just how bloodshot his eyes were. For a second, Anakin appeared to hesitate, pulling at his sleeve but then he grinned at her, smile not quite meeting his eyes. “What do you mean? I’m fine.”

”Are you sure?” Padmé risked a glance over to Obi-Wan just as he let out an exasperated sigh, pinching at the bridge of his nose. She shot him a glare and he looked away, resigning himself to picking at a bit of fluff on the side of the couch. Anakin watched their whole interaction without saying a word, nodding his answer when Padmé eventually turned her attention back to him.

”Okay, well–”

“How’s Sabé?” Anakin interrupted before she’d had a chance to follow through with the thought.

Obi-Wan looked up and raised an eyebrow. “Sabé? As in...?”

Before Padme could answer him, Anakin cut in again and she gave him a subsequent glare – one that he either didn’t see or chose to ignore.

”Yes. Sabé is Padmé’s wife.”

”Oh,” Obi-Wan said, eyes widening in surprise. “I’m sorry, Padmé, I didn’t realise you were married.”

Padmé laughed a little at the sincerity of his apology. “That’s quite alright, Obi-Wan, and hardly any of your fault. I don’t tend to make our relationship public knowledge since that would put her life in unnecessary danger, so you wouldn’t be the only one who wasn’t aware,” she explained with a smile.

Obi-Wan nodded, slumping down in his seat slightly. “I suppose that makes sense.”

Leaving Obi-Wan to process this newfound information, Padmé turned her attention back to Anakin who was looking vaguely amused. “But back to your question, Ani,” Padmé said, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear. “Sabé‘s very well, thank you for asking. She is, however, worried about you, as am I and Obi-Wan.”

Anakin’s face fell when he realised she wasn’t going to drop the subject easily. He turned his focus to Obi-Wan instead, anger spreading across his features. “So you _have_ been talking about me! I suppose it was only a matter of time before you finally decided you were fed up with me. What did you tell them, Obi-Wan?” Anakin spat, face reddening. “Why would you talk to them and not to me?”

Padmé was about to interrupt, desperate to stem this sudden outburst before it erupted any further, but it seemed she didn’t have to. Anakin had already shrank back against the sofa, curling in on himself. If she hadn’t been right next to him, she wouldn’t have heard the whispered “Why won’t you talk to me?” added on the end.

”Anakin, that’s hardly fair. I’ve been try–”

Padmé raised her hand to get him to stop talking, and thankfully he listened. The room was thick with tension, albeit slowly dissipating, but if Obi-Wan said the wrong thing, he could risk setting Anakin off again. That wouldn’t be his fault of course; he just hadn’t understood what Anakin was _actually_ upset about. Padmé, on the other hand, had, and she had an idea of how to remedy the situation.

”Obi-Wan only came to see me because he was worried about you. We both are, and we only want to help. We’re here because we care about you, isn’t that right?” Padmé said, directing the question to Obi-Wan, hoping he’d finally get the hint. Anakin was looking between the both of them, waiting to see what Obi-Wan would say.

He didn’t say anything though, only nodding in agreement.

“I’m sorry, Padmé. I’ve wasted your time.”

”You’re never a waste of time, Anakin,” Padmé told him, reaching for his hand. He let her take it this time, curling up against the side of the sofa.

After that, Anakin resumed his uncharacteristically silent state and there wasn’t much else she could do. Padmé fell back into her meaningless conversation with Obi-Wan although it felt much too forced, neither one of them wanting to talk about anything of importance, both too preoccupied by Anakin. She could tell that Anakin wanted to talk about whatever it was that was bothering him, although she also got the impression he’d be more likely to open up about it if she wasn’t there. Hopefully she’d done enough to get them to start a conversation; she’d never known it was possible for two people to be so completely oblivious to how the other felt.

Sometime later, Padmé made her excuse to leave, realising she’d spent nearly the whole morning with them and she was supposed to be meeting Sabé for lunch in less than an hour.

”I can walk you out if you’d like,” Obi-Wan offered, getting to his feet at the same time she did.

”Yes, that would be lovely, thank you.”

Obi-Wan left her to say goodbye to Anakin, who surprised her by wrapping her into a sudden hug. She reciprocated the embrace, resting her head against his shoulder.

”Thank you for coming, Padmé. I’m glad you’re okay.”

Padmé pulled back slightly, looking up at him with a frown on her face. “Of course I’m okay. It’s you that I’m worried about.”

Anakin nodded, glancing at Obi-Wan who was waiting for her by the door. Padmé followed his line of sight, realising what he was thinking about.

”You know, he really is worried, Ani. If you won’t talk to me, at least promise you’ll try to talk to him.”

”I’ll try,” Anakin said, giving her a sad smile.

Padmé smiled back, knowing that would be the best she’d get. “I’ll see you soon then. Remember, I’m always here if you need me.”

”Yes, I know.” Anakin rolled his eyes and for a moment, Padmé could almost believe that everything was alright. She knew that Anakin thought she worried too much, sometimes even Sabé would tell her as much, but she just couldn’t help it.

”Be safe!” Anakin called after her as she was walking to the door.

”I’m always safe,” Padmé shot back, her turn to roll her eyes. And then, she was out in the hallway of the Temple, standing next to Obi-Wan who looked miserable.

”What are you thinking?” Padmé encouraged as they walked side by side through the empty halls.

”It’s just–” Obi-Wan stopped, running a hand through his hair. “He’ll talk to you but he won’t talk to me. Everything I do only seems to upset him further.”

Padmé sighed, feeling like he’d missed the point of their previous conversations. “You do realise that he wants to talk to you, right? He just doesn’t think that you care.”

”But–” he started to object before cutting himself off, exhaling long and slow. “Did he tell you that?”

”Yes he did, but I also know that’s not true. You just need to show him that.” There was silence after that, and Obi-Wan didn’t look like he was going to be saying anything else any time soon. Padmé decided it was time for a more direct approach. She looked over her shoulder to check the hallway was still completely empty before grabbing Obi-Wan’s arm and pulling him to a stop.

”You love him, don’t you?”

Obi-Wan flushed red, looking up and down the corridor like he was convinced someone was about to jump out at them. “I... I shouldn’t,” Obi-Wan sighed, staring down at the floor with a guilty expression on his face. “I’m a Jedi,” he added in a small voice, like that was explanation enough.

And that was when all of Padmé’s suspicions were confirmed. For a while now, she’d had some idea of how Anakin felt and now she knew for certain how Obi-Wan felt too.

Padmé wasn’t naive, she understood what the code entailed; Anakin had certainly complained about it enough times for her to have learnt it by heart, and so it made sense that Obi-Wan felt like he should be ashamed. But that was something she’d always struggled to comprehend; how could a group of people who were supposedly selfless and compassionate be so adverse to the idea of love, or more specifically, _attachments_? While it wasn’t her place to comment on whether the code was right or wrong, it did seem rather outdated. There was nothing more selfless or compassionate than to love another, to do so is what made you human. Forbidding it seemed cruel and heartless, especially when love can make you a better person – stronger, even. But when you grow up being taught that love is not allowed, of course it would make sense for you to deny yourself that and close yourself off. While Anakin had thought Obi-Wan was growing distant because he didn’t love him, it was actually quite the opposite. As a result, it had caused them both a lot of pain, heartbreak and miscommunication, whereas if they’d just talked to each other sooner, all of this could’ve been resolved.

It was painfully obvious to Padmé how the two of them felt, yet neither one of them seemed to be aware that the other felt the same. _Oh, how she loved the art of communication._

Although it would be easy enough to tell Obi-Wan to consider sitting down and talking to Anakin about this, or to even try opening his eyes a little bit, she knew that it was important she didn’t get involved and let them figure it out by themselves. Padmé gave him a small smile instead, taking his hand within her own. “Loving somebody is never wrong and Anakin could never hate you for that. In fact, it may be exactly what he needs to hear.”

Obi-Wan scoffed, staring down at their linked hands. “Somehow, I doubt that.”

Padmé sighed, deciding it wasn’t worth it to argue with him, realising she’d get nowhere without actually telling Obi-Wan how Anakin felt. Instead, she settled for the next best thing. “Just please don’t push him away again, Obi-Wan. Show him how much you love him.” Obi-Wan opened his mouth to object but Padmé stopped him before he could interrupt. “ _Show him_. I don’t know what’s wrong with him but I do know that he needs you more than ever. Just be patient and he’ll open up soon enough. And don’t be so harsh on yourself either, all you can do is try your best and be ready to listen when he wants to talk.”

”I– Okay,” Obi-Wan said as they began to walk again. “Thank you, Padmé.”

And Padmé smiled, finally satisfied she’d gotten through to them both.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Padmé knows what’s up (she’s a literal queen, I love her.)


	10. Chapter 10

The apartment was once again empty when Obi-Wan returned; Anakin was nowhere to be seen.

Honestly, Obi-Wan did not know what else he’d expected, yet he’d still hoped for the possibility Anakin would be waiting for him, ready to talk. But the sofa was empty, the apartment was silent and his heart felt heavy. A sense of apprehension, impossible to shake, crept in at the edge of his subconscious, overwhelming all ability to think. Obi-Wan leant back against the couch, attempting to ignore it as he tried his best to organise his muddled thoughts.

Anakin wasn’t here which meant he was most likely being avoided. Again. The sad thing was, that didn’t even come as much of a surprise. He hadn’t been the most patient earlier and he’d only succeeded in upsetting Anakin further. While it was far from intentional, it seemed like whatever he said or did only managed to make things worse. Maybe Padmé was wrong and Anakin didn’t want to talk to him. Maybe he just wasn’t trying hard enough.

Padmé had said to be patient and persistent and Anakin would come to him eventually.  Although she’d also said a lot of things Obi-Wan found himself struggling to believe.  It was shameful enough she’d managed to read him like an open book – although she was a politician so that one was on Obi-Wan for not being more guarded – but now she wanted him to go confessing the  very depths of his soul to Anakin on the possibility it _might_ help him.  As ridiculous as the idea seemed, he was seriously beginning to consider it, having already exhausted all other viable options.  It wasn’t like he could cause more problems than he had already.

According to Padmé, Anakin was under the impression Obi-Wan did not care at all, which could not be further from the truth. Obi-Wan had never intended to put their relationship under so much strain; at the time, distancing himself from Anakin seemed like the logical solution to a problem that should have never existed. While he’d hoped the additional space would cause his attachment to wither and fade, it had somehow caused it to grow instead. By putting the code above Anakin, he’d inadvertently hurt the one person who mattered to him the most.

But it didn’t matter how he felt anymore – it never had. All Obi-Wan knew was he’d do everything within his power to convince Anakin to trust him again, even if that meant providing him with an explanation for his past behaviour. If and when Anakin finally decided to talk to him, as Padmé seemed so convinced he would, Obi-Wan would do everything he possibly could to help him. Anything and everything.

There wasn’t much else he _could_ do.

Padmé’s visit hadn’t had the outcome he’d hoped it would. Aside from Anakin’s panic attack, Obi-Wan somehow managing to aggravate him further and Padmé putting him under her intense scrutiny, they hadn’t managed to achieve anything and were no closer to finding out what was wrong. Now it seemed like Anakin was intent on making it impossible for them to talk, doing everything he possibly could to avoid him. _Again_.

But he couldn’t blame Anakin for that; the only person he had to blame was himself.

A soft click interrupted Obi-Wan’s thoughts and he turned his head to see Anakin coming out of the fresher looking pale and exhausted. He walked over to Obi-Wan, stopping a few steps away from where he was standing and took a deep breath.

”I need to apologise to you, Obi-Wan.”

”For what?” Obi-Wan asked, genuinely surprised. Out of all the things Anakin could’ve said, an apology was the last thing he’d expected to hear.

”I didn’t mean to yell at you earlier – I didn’t _want_ to yell at you, I just don’t know what came over me,” Anakin explained, swaying slightly as he stood.

Obi-Wan furrowed his brow, looking at Anakin carefully. “Don’t apologise for that, Anakin, it was entirely deserved. Are you feeling alright?”

”Actually, no. I’m feeling a bit... lightheaded,” Anakin admitted after a pause.

”Sit down then, I’ll make you some lunch,” Obi-Wan said, pushing himself up from the back of the couch and waiting for Anakin to take a seat before leaving the room. Once again, it’d appear Anakin hadn’t been taking care of himself – as far as he was aware, Anakin hadn’t had a chance to eat breakfast today, so there was no wonder he wasn’t feeling too great. Or it may have had something to do with his exhaustion from last night’s lack of sleep or even this morning’s panic attack, who was to say? Either way, Obi-Wan felt his concern rising.

Obi-Wan put together a small plate of food and poured Anakin a glass of that Muja juice he so weirdly loved, hoping it would increase his sugar levels. He carried the food through to Anakin, noticing how his eyes immediately lit up upon seeing the drink and he downed it in one go.

”Thank you, Obi-Wan, I’m feeling much better already.”

”Well, I’m glad to hear it,” Obi-Wan replied, unable to suppress the fond smile from forming on his face. He left Anakin alone to eat the rest of his food in peace, still debating over what he should do. Padmé had said to be patient, but he’d been patient for days and it had gotten him nowhere. If he kept asking, Anakin would end up feeling like he was being pressured to talk and that wasn’t likely to help either. However, if he waited for Anakin to come to him, who’s to say that he actually would?

Over the past few days, the majority of their conversations had consisted of nothing more than Obi-Wan asking Anakin questions such as ‘are you okay?’ and ‘is everything alright?’ despite it being very clear that everything was _not_ alright. Surely Anakin was getting just as fed up with going around in circles as he was? Yes, his former Padawan was stubborn, but even Anakin would have to give in at some point.

At least, that was what he was telling himself. For now though, Obi-Wan busied himself with completing a couple of chores, certain he’d be able to think much clearer if the apartment was also cleaner. Or maybe that was just a thinly-veiled excuse to distract himself from matters he couldn’t help.

After he’d finished cleaning the kitchen, Obi-Wan ventured back out into the living room only to find Anakin still sat on the couch, sitting with his head tilted back and his eyes closed. Although he didn’t appear to be asleep, Anakin ignored him as he collected his dirty plate and Padmé’s half-empty cup of tea, taking them with him back to the kitchen. He washed them up and returned them to their rightful places in the cupboard, feeling a sense of satisfaction now that everything was no longer so disorganised. There was something strangely therapeutic about the act of cleaning.

Deciding it would be best if he didn’t waste more time by cleaning the office as well, Obi-Wan went back through to the living room and took a seat on the couch next to Anakin. He’d opened his eyes now but did not look up as Obi-Wan sat down, vacantly staring into the space in front of him. Obi-Wan chose not to disturb his silence, mirroring Anakin’s position as they sat side by side on the couch, quietly enjoying each other’s company.

One of Anakin’s only flaws was that he found it extremely difficult – if not impossible – to remain quiet for long periods of time. Hopefully if they sat together for long enough, Anakin would be unable to resist starting up a conversation with him, especially when he so clearly had something on his mind. Counting the minutes as they went by, Obi-Wan listened to Anakin’s steady breathing, every so often glancing across to look at him but his expression remained resolute, giving nothing away.

Eventually though, Anakin did speak, just as Obi-Wan had predicted.

”Why do you put up with me?” he blurted out suddenly.

”Excuse me?” Obi-Wan asked, the question catching him off guard as he turned to face Anakin fully. Anakin’s steadfast gaze remained fixed firmly in front of him; aside from the rise and fall of his chest, he hadn’t moved at all.

”I mean it, Obi-Wan. Why do you put up with me?” Anakin repeated, softer this time. “You no longer hold any obligations towards me and I cause more problems than I’m worth. Everything I do, I kriff up. It must be tiring having to deal with someone like me.” Now that Anakin was finally speaking, Obi-Wan was wary of interrupting for the fear he’d stop, even if everything he was saying was blatantly untrue. “If you wanted to get rid of me, I’m certain the Council wouldn’t object. In fact, they’d probably welcome it; they already dislike how we still share apartments, they know it’s not normal.”

”Is that what you want?” Obi-Wan asked carefully. Although he didn’t understand why Anakin was choosing to bring this up now, he had to admit he did have a point. While they were the only Master–Padawan pair to never completely separate after the latter’s knighting, other than a few strongly worded suggestions from the Council, no one had ever forced them apart. It wasn’t like there was much point considering how often the two of them were sent away on off-planet missions anyway. Obi-Wan had tried to speak to Anakin about it, suggesting he’d much prefer to have his own space but Anakin had argued all of his claims stating he was perfectly happy as it was, so he’d just never moved out.

”I’m asking you if that’s what you want. If you did... I wouldn’t argue it.”

”You’re welcome to stay with me for as long as you’d like, Anakin, you know this.”

”But _why?_ ” Anakin asked, finally turning to face him. “I don’t get it! One minute you’ll be talking to me like this and I can almost believe that you care, but the next, you’re back to pretending like I don’t even exist! It doesn’t make any sense. Why can’t you just make up your mind?”

Now that he had a clearer view of Anakin’s face, Obi-Wan could see the sadness in his eyes and the tears that threatened to fall, feeling a pang of guilt as he realised he’d caused this. If he’d felt like a terrible person before, it was nothing compared to the way he was feeling now. But what could he say? He didn’t particularly _want_ to tell Anakin the reason for his past behaviour, yet he also knew he deserved an explanation. The longer he lied, the more damage he’d cause; at least this way, Anakin would know the truth, even if he’d never be able to take it back.

Mind made up, Obi-Wan began to talk. ”You’re completely right, I haven’t been fair to you at all. It’s my fault for–”

”No, no, I think I understand now,” Anakin interrupted, staring down at his gloved hand as he flexed its fingers.

”You... do?”

Obi-Wan’s heart climbed to his throat. It was one thing to prepare himself to confess his deepest, most shameful secret; it was another thing entirely to have the words taken right from his mouth. Anakin couldn’t possibly know... _could he?_

”Yeah. Why would anyone in their right mind want to spend time with a monster like me?” Anakin spat, his hatred clearly aimed at himself rather than Obi-Wan. The relief Obi-Wan felt was short-lived, quickly replaced by his concern for what Anakin had said.

“You are not a monster, Anakin, far from it. Why would you say that?”

Anakin let out a mirthless laugh and averted his gaze. “You don’t get it, do you? I’ve done horrible things. I don’t deserve your kindness, let alone your time.”

There was silence for a while as Obi-Wan considered Anakin’s words, but there was one phrase in particular he couldn’t ignore. “What do you mean _‘horrible things’?_ ”

Next to him, Anakin appeared to hesitate, taking a deep breath as he prepared himself to speak. One arm was slung carelessly along the back of the sofa giving the false impression he was completely at ease, but if the way Anakin’s mouth twisted as he looked up at the ceiling was any clue, he’d much rather disappear than have to talk about this. It was rare for Obi-Wan to feel genuinely anxious, but even he couldn’t help the sudden wave of uneasiness that overcame him.

”The code, I’ve broken it. Not just once or even twice, but repeatedly. I’ve let you down, I’ve failed my duty as a Jedi, I– I’ve... the dark side, I–” Anakin stopped as he took another deep breath, attempting to calm himself down. “When my mother died – the raiders, after they’d killed her – I killed them. All of them... I didn’t spare anyone! Even as I was doing it, I knew that it was wrong, I really did, but I couldn’t stop myself. I was angry – scared, and... and afterwards, Padmé told me that it was okay, but it wasn’t! I could see the fear in her eyes and I knew that I’d let you down. And that wasn’t the only time, I’ve been tempted before, and–”

Anakin cut himself off again and Obi-Wan found himself struggling to follow his incoherent rush of words. “On our last mission with Dooku, I killed him too. I shouldn’t have– I shouldn’t and I know that, but the Chancellor, he–” Anakin started to cry, burying his face in the crook of his elbow. His words were becoming even more unintelligible now, muffled by his sobs as he spoke into his sleeve. “He was unarmed, I should’ve arrested him – I was _going_ to arrest him but I let my anger for what he’d done overcome me. For what he’d done to you! And the war, I couldn’t... I should’ve... I shouldn’t have listened to him, Obi-Wan! I’m so, so sorry–”

“Anakin, stop!” Obi-Wan said, trying to mask the horror in his voice. “You’re not making any sense. Please try to slow down and breathe.”

Anakin was shaking, his body racked with tremors as he pushed himself further into the back of the couch, hiccuping slightly as he hid his face. Obi-Wan took the moments pause to try and think over what Anakin had said, wondering how he could’ve been so blind. He hadn’t been there for Anakin when he needed him the most, he hadn’t even realised something was wrong. Why hadn’t Anakin come to him sooner?

The crying next to him showed no signs of slowing down; if anything, it had only intensified, becoming scarily reminiscent of Anakin’s earlier panic attack.

”You... hate... me,” Anakin sobbed, struggling to speak between breaths.

”I could never,” Obi-Wan affirmed, resting an awkward hand on his thigh, unsure of how else to comfort him. Anakin peered up at him with a tear-stricken face. “What you did... I can’t condone it, but I understand. You should’ve come to me sooner, Anakin. I would’ve helped you and we could’ve worked through this together.”

”But I’ve let you down! Why aren’t you angry with me? Why don’t you hate me?”

”You haven’t let me down. If anything, I’ve let _you_ down. It’s my fault for not realising there was a problem sooner.”

”No, stop saying that!” Anakin cried. “This isn’t your fault, it’s mine! Why can’t you see that?”

Obi-Wan sighed. “Do try to calm down, dearest, and let me talk.”

Anakin sat up and wiped at the side of his face with his sleeve. “But– but that’s not even the worst of it...”

Throughout the course of his breakdown, Anakin had gravitated closer to Obi-Wan, close enough for him to reach out and pull him into a cautious hug. Anakin immediately slumped against his shoulder, wrapping his arms loosely around his waist. Tears soaked the fabric of Obi-Wan’s tunic but he didn’t pay them any mind, continuing to rub comforting circles into Anakin’s back until the crying slowed to a stop.

”Shh, it’s okay. Whatever it is, we can talk about it later.”

Anakin shifted his weight to look up at Obi-Wan, nodding slowly. He pulled away from Obi-Wan’s arms after that, sniffing as he moved back over to the other side of the couch. “I’m so sorry for crying all over you, Obi-Wan. You must think I’m pathetic, or be disappointed or angry or...”

”Not at all,” Obi-Wan said, giving him a sad smile. “I am disappointed you didn’t come to me earlier, but I’m not angry. I promise you, I’m going to do everything I can to help you and we’ll get through this together. I just need you to be honest with me.”

Anakin nodded again, letting his head fall back against the couch. It was clear to Obi-Wan that Anakin was in no state to talk about this any further, so he allowed him to rest, trying to ignore the general sense of discomfort that settled around him and the Force. As worrying as it was that Anakin had admitted to having a few brushes with the dark side, at least now he knew about it and would be able to help him deal with it. Once he’d heard the whole story, he’d have a better idea of what to do. For now though, the only comfort he could offer was his reassurance and trust.

They sat together quietly while Obi-Wan felt against Anakin’s shields, attempting to soothe his suffering, but Anakin was still shutting him out. Obi-Wan sighed loudly and received a questioning look from Anakin, but he decided not to mention it.

”Could we maybe meditate?” Anakin asked suddenly, taking Obi-Wan by surprise. There weren’t many things Anakin hated more than meditation and he usually avoided it at all costs, so the question was more than just unexpected – it was unheard of. Although Anakin’s request was rather unusual, Obi-Wan chose not to question him, glad he was finally taking an interest in the practice that so often brought him balance and stability.

”Of course we can, dearest.”

Together they got up, sitting side by side on the floor without another word.

It was relatively easy for Obi-Wan to fall into the state of meditation, however, Anakin seemed to be having some difficulty. His unrest was palpable, too distracting to ignore.

Obi-Wan opened one eye to see Anakin squirming uncomfortably, finding it impossible to sit still and focus. Obi-Wan could never understand why Anakin had such a hard time with meditation when to him, it was like second nature.

”Anakin.”

”What?” he grunted, refusing to open his eyes.

”Let go of your emotions, feel the Force.”

Anakin’s eyes flew open and he turned his head in exasperation. “What do you think I’m trying to do? It’s not working, Master. I’m trying, I really am, I just can’t concentrate.”

Sighing, Obi-Wan shifted around to face him, offering Anakin his hands. Anakin stared down at them in confusion before flicking his gaze back up to Obi-Wan’s face.

”What are you doing?”

”Helping you concentrate.”

Anakin glanced down at his hands one more time before reluctantly placing them within Obi-Wan’s open palms. He looked skeptical and Obi-Wan couldn’t exactly blame him; they’d never meditated like this before, but there was always a first time for everything. Obi-Wan lowered his hands to the floor, bringing Anakin’s along with him, resting his forearms on his knees. He could feel it when Anakin’s agitation began to diminish and he slowly slipped into his meditation, finding it much easier to relax with the additional support of a physical anchor.

”Breathe with me, Anakin. Open yourself to the Force.”

Since their eyes were closed, Obi-Wan couldn’t see the exact moment Anakin nodded, but more felt it as the Force flowed through them both, calming and soothing. Obi-Wan’s force signature brushed against Anakin’s own and he carefully lowered his shields in response, allowing Obi-Wan to feel some of his emotions.

_Guilt. Pain. Anger. Embarrassment._

_Fear. Shame. Self-hatred. Despair._

All followed by a hollow sort of emptiness.

But the longer they sat together, the more Anakin opened himself up and the closer they became. Their Force signatures intertwined, melding seamlessly as they healed the shattered remnants of their bond, strengthening it as the galaxy around them faded from existence. It had been so long since Obi-Wan last felt Anakin’s familiar presence strong in the back of his mind and he found himself reaching for it, Anakin doing the same.

 _Meditation has never felt like this before_.

It was Anakin’s voice, clearer than his own as the thought floated across their bond and through his mind. Which was strange in itself; even at their strongest, a training bond rarely allowed for communication to extend beyond simple feelings, emotions and fleeting images. Sometimes in the heat of a battle, warnings could be projected or even the odd sentence fragment, but never as clear as Anakin’s voice was now. It was most likely the cause of their rather... _intimate_ meditation position, but even then, it was unusual.

Is _this unusual, Master?_

Anakin’s voice again, almost like he was reading his mind. Obi-Wan tested the theory, consciously trying to project a thought across their bond.

_Only slightly, Anakin. We can stop if it’s bothering you._

_No, it feels good. I like it._

Anakin seemed completely at ease now, a stark contrast from earlier. Time no longer existed; it was just them and the Force.

By the time they’d extracted themselves from their meditation, it could’ve been minutes or hours but the Force still connected them, stronger than ever before. It felt comforting; reassuring and familiar.

At first they sat in silence, Obi-Wan observing Anakin’s movements with a watchful eye as he stared down at their joined hands, flushing a soft shade of pink. He eventually looked up and withdrew his hands, brushing a strand of hair from his face wearing an unreadable expression.

”How are you feeling?” Obi-Wan asked, more than ready to break the silence.

Anakin shrugged and bowed his head. “I... don’t know. I could hear you, _feel you even_ , and it felt right, but also... you seemed concerned, I guess. Does that make sense?”

Obi-Wan hummed in agreement. “I’ll admit, it was rather strange.”

Anakin laughed a little before frowning again. “Did you know that would happen?”

”No, I can’t say I’ve ever experienced anything like that before,” Obi-Wan answered honestly.

Anakin began to get up, offering Obi-Wan a hand. “Are you angry?”

”Why would I be angry, Anakin?” Obi-Wan asked, allowing him to help him to his feet.

”I just thought because of what I told you or how you’ve been avoiding me, you wouldn’t want to be close like that,” Anakin explained, sounding unsure of himself. Obi-Wan could feel Anakin’s worry echoing through the Force; while he’d rebuilt his shields, they weren’t as strong as before, a sign he was willing to trust and be honest. “You don’t seem angry but I also can’t tell what you’re thinking. I’m just wondering, that’s all.”

“I’m not angry in the slightest,” Obi-Wan assured him. “As long as you’re fine with... whatever that was, then I’m fine with it too.”

Although barely noticeable, something had shifted within the Force and it didn’t feel wrong at all. It felt _right_.

“You promise?”

”Promise.”

Anakin took a step back then, fiddling with the edge of his sleeve. Though slightly on edge, he seemed satisfied with what Obi-Wan had said.

“I’m actually getting quite tired. I think I might try to get some sleep.”

”Of course, Anakin. Sleep well.”

While it was still rather early, Obi-Wan had to admit that Anakin had had quite an exhausting day – that, coupled with last night’s lack of sleep, it’d be cruel to make him stay and talk about this for any longer. Although it was clear they still had quite a way to go, after the events of this morning, Obi-Wan was overall very happy with the amount of progress they’d made. Maybe Padmé’s visit hadn’t been so pointless after all.

After Anakin had left, Obi-Wan sat down on the couch and tried to finish the report he’d been writing earlier. It wasn’t the easiest task with his mind largely elsewhere, thinking about what Anakin had told him and how he was planning to help. It was a great relief Anakin was finally beginning to open up, even if his confession had been rather unexpected – _too unexpected, how hadn’t he realised?_ – but at least now he had a better idea of what was going on. Although Anakin had also said there was more to the story, and his stomach turned into a heavy pit of dread as he wondered what else there could possibly be.

Obi-Wan’s left forearm started to itch as he reached the halfway point of his report but no matter how many times he scratched at it, it was an itch that couldn’t be scratched, seeming to sit just under the surface of his skin. He pushed through though, finishing the report much earlier than expected, taking that as an excuse to get an early night as well, the fight against exhaustion quickly turning into a losing battle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this chapter took a weird and unexpected turn towards the end but we’re just going with it. *shrugs*
> 
> If you’re still reading this, thank you so much, your support means the world!! And I’m very aware this wasn’t _quite _what we were hoping for, but at least it’s a start? (Please don’t hate me, we’re getting there, I promise!!)__


	11. Chapter 11

It was dark. The Coruscant air was cold and bitter; eerily quiet. Anakin blinked as he realised where he was, the onset of fear immediate. His own personal hell. A special kind of torture. A nightmare from which there was no escape.

In front of him, the hooded figure had already began its ascent up the Temple steps, stalking towards the entrance with murderous intent. Wasting no time, Anakin started to chase after him, doing his best to avoid the numerous corpses scattered across the floor, reaching for a lightsaber that was never there. He was weaponless, defenceless, but this time he’d stop it. This time it would be different.

The massacre inside the Temple had already commenced, a single blade sweeping effortlessly through the air, cutting down everyone in its path with little remorse. There were bodies everywhere, too much death and destruction he’d failed to prevent. Distant screams echoed through the air but Anakin couldn’t stop. He couldn’t afford to waste another second, not even for Padmé or Sabé, Ahsoka or Aayla, or any of the other countless Jedi strewn across the floor. Time was crucial; throwing it away in a futile attempt to save his friends would get him nowhere. He’d relived this nightmare enough times to know that by now. As selfish as it was, even if he only managed to save one person, it’d be worth it.

There was still time.

Anakin picked up the speed, charging forward with a strong sense of determination – or maybe it was just desperation – making good time as the hooded figure began to materialise in the distance, leaving a trail of bodies in his wake. Anakin willed himself to continue, knowing what was at risk if he allowed himself to falter. He was getting close now, closer than he’d ever been before. Close enough that he might just make it.

There was still time.

Mace Windu, the final hindrance between that monster and Obi-Wan, loomed into view, staring back at the creature with emotionless eyes. He made no effort to fight back as his head was sliced clean off his body, falling to the floor with a sickening thud.

It didn’t matter how many times Anakin experienced this particular horror, the image of Mace Windu’s mangled corpse lying lifeless on the floor would be forever burned into his brain. Mace Windu, the Jedi Master who was usually such a formidable fighter, reduced to nothing more than a crumpled heap on the floor. When Anakin finally caught up to him, there was nothing he could do to help, the hooded figure already advancing towards Obi-Wan without a second thought.

He had to stop him. There was still time.

Anakin didn’t think he’d ever moved so fast in his life, yet he was finally beginning to feel doubtful, realising he hadn’t thought this through at all. If he did make it in time, what would he do? Scream and shout and pray that somebody listened to him? Grab Obi-Wan by the wrist and drag him away as fast as he could? Throw himself in front of the blade instead? Start attacking the monster with his bare hands and hope for the best? Even he had to admit, none of those options made for a particularly foolproof plan and he really should’ve thought this through.

But it turned out none of that mattered. Only mere metres away and Anakin found his feet frozen to the floor, body held in place by a pair of phantom hands, inhibiting all ability to move. Even with all of his strength, Anakin was unable to free himself, once again rendered useless; so close and yet so far.

His view of Obi-Wan was clear, however, the other man’s face remained largely concealed by the hood of his cloak, dark robes flowing endlessly to the floor. The striking blue of his lightsaber demanded attention, contrasting against the dull, shadowed halls of the Temple, a weapon designed to protect and serve used only to kill. And Anakin was completely powerless to stop it.

”NO!” he shouted, unable to do anything else but beg and plead. His voice echoed back to him sounding disembodied and far away. “Please don’t do this! I’ll do anything, just don’t kill him too!”

But his anguished cries fell on deaf ears, neither Obi-Wan nor the man in the hood paying him any attention. The blade stayed low to the ground, held with such a terrifying level of control that Anakin was unable to tear his gaze away, keeping a wary eye on it at all times. The longer the scene dragged out, the further it served to torment him; the agonising feeling of waiting, helpless to prevent the inevitable.

Obi-Wan glanced in Anakin’s direction, seeming to look right through him as all of his frantic pleas to run, to fight back, to do _something_ went ignored. He turned his head back to the hooded figure standing in front of him, raising his gaze ever so slightly to look him in the eye.

”Why are you doing this? I loved you.”

 _Loved?_ What? How could Obi-Wan possibly love the monster standing before him?

Anakin felt his anger flare as he struggled to free himself from the invisible hold, failing miserably with each feeble attempt. There was nothing he could do. He was trapped.

With a venomous laugh, the figure turned its head back to look at Anakin, corners of his mouth twisting upwards until they bore the faintest resemblance of a smile. It was him. His own face was staring back at him, yellow eyes mocking him, taunting him. It had been him all along. He’d killed them. He’d killed them all.

Paralysed by both his fear and his shock, Anakin’s blood ran cold. The figure – Anakin? – withdrew his blade and thrusted it deep into Obi-Wan’s abdomen while Anakin could only watch, unable to stop it, unable to stop him, unable to do anything.

Powerless.

Everything was a blur after that. The figure retreated into the shadows, lightsaber flickering as he disappeared, nothing left to do, no one left to kill. No one except Anakin.

The invisible restraints relaxed their hold and Anakin fell forwards, collapsing onto the floor next to Obi-Wan’s lifeless corpse. He was too late. He was dead. Anakin pulled the slack body into his arms, shaking it as he did so, hoping that this time he’d be able to wake him up.

But Obi-Wan would never wake up again and it was all because of him. It was his fault. He’d killed him, he’d killed him, he’d killed him, he’d–

“Obi-Wan, please. I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to, it wasn’t me. I’d never hurt you like that!” Anakin sobbed, all too aware he was talking to a dead man. But even if this was just a dream, it was starting to feel all too real and he hadn’t woken up yet. Either way, his apologies went unheard because everyone was dead.

He’d killed them all.

Everyone.

Out of the corner of his eye, Anakin watched as the flames crept along the length of the corridor, spreading rapidly across the walls, floor and ceiling. The smell of burning filled his lungs, stinging at his throat as he pulled Obi-Wan closer, doing his best to protect his body from the raging smoke and fire. Any minute now, he’d wake up and realise this was all just a horrible dream and everything would be fine.

But the nightmare hadn’t ended yet. He was still here and the flames were growing, doubling in size as they towered over him, debris falling from the ceiling.

He wasn’t waking up. _Why wasn’t he waking up?_

Anakin was shouting, voice already hoarse from the sheer amount of smoke in the room. _This wasn’t real, this couldn’t be real._

But the flames were consuming him, eating away at his skin as they burned him alive.

Anakin could only scream.

***

When Anakin woke up, there was screaming. Screaming, shouting and crying. It took him a couple of seconds, much longer than it probably should have, to realise those screams were coming from him. He was awake now. Awake, but still screaming.

As he bit down on the heel of his hand in an attempt to muffle his cries, Anakin focused on calming himself down. It was the middle of the night, he couldn’t be making all of this noise; he wouldn’t be surprised if he’d managed to wake up the whole temple already.

He was awake now. It wasn’t real.

It wasn’t real and he was awake. Everyone he loved was safe; he hadn’t killed them.

 _But he had, hadn’t he?_ Dream or not, he’d killed them all.

Anakin began to cry harder, silent tears streaming down his face.  A pair of cold, yellow eyes invaded the dark abyss of his mind, the image a permanent scar he could never erase; the mark of the monster he was destined to become.

A sudden stream of light flooded the bedroom, interrupting the darkness as Anakin shielded his eyes from the unforgiving glare. A second later, he removed the hand from his face and allowed his eyes to adjust to the unexpected influx of light. Obi-Wan was standing in the doorway wearing only his sleep pants, looking half-asleep as he rubbed a hand over his face, fumbling for the light switch.

He was going to turn on the light. _He’d see._

”Stop!” Anakin shouted, wincing at the volume of his voice. “Please keep the lights off, I... _I like the dark._ ”

As he cringed at his poor attempt for an excuse, Anakin felt around for his sleep tunic, having taken it off before going to bed, it being much too hot to sleep in so many layers. A foolish mistake leading to a close call he’d only narrowly avoided.

After he’d pulled the stupid piece of clothing over his head, Anakin looked up to find Obi-Wan already gone. His door had been left open, the harsh light from the hall still shining into his room. He’d left him. He’d left and he hadn’t even bothered to close the kriffing door behind him. With Anakin screaming his head off like some sort of crazed maniac, it wasn’t exactly surprising, but it still hurt a lot more than expected. Even for Obi-Wan, to leave without saying anything seemed unnecessarily heartless.

Anakin leant forward, groaning into his hands. He wasn’t entirely sure what he wanted from Obi-Wan anyway. If he was here then he’d have to witness yet another pathetic breakdown, if he wasn’t, then he was alone. And Anakin didn’t want to be alone. Not anymore.

_Force, why was he such a kriffing idiot?_

He’d woken Obi-Wan up, no wonder he was annoyed. But why bother getting up to check on him if just to leave? Although maybe that was for the best; he was clearly dangerous to be around. At least Obi-Wan wasn’t dead and he hadn’t actually killed him. He’d only watched as himself, or a clone of himself, _someone,_ had murdered Obi-Wan right before his eyes and he’d been helpless to stop it. Dream or not, murderer or not, that made him just as bad, if not worse.

He’d killed him.

A hand on his back shocked him from his thoughts, the bed dipping as someone pressed something cold into his hands. Anakin blinked and vaguely managed to make out the shape of a glass, his vision taking a moment to focus with the room being cast into darkness once more.

”Can you drink this?” Obi-Wan asked from somewhere to his side, hand still resting on his back.

Anakin nodded, gulping down the water, relieved that Obi-Wan hadn’t actually left him. Who was he kidding? – of course Obi-Wan hadn’t left him, even if he probably should have.

The water did help though.

”What happened?” Obi-Wan asked as Anakin leant back against his shoulder, needing the physical reassurance he was really here with him.

”Nightmare,” he managed to choke out, throat still slightly sore.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

”There’s nothing to say,” Anakin said, withdrawing his head from Obi-Wan’s shoulder. “I killed you, I killed everyone! It was me all along, I’m clearly dangerous to be around. Why are you even here?”

Obi-Wan needed to understand; he was a monster, a murderer! He’d killed them all, whether it was a dream or not. Padmé... Sabé... Obi-Wan... _everyone_. What if the dreams were a warning from the Force? A vision of the future? He had to stop himself before it was too late. The darkness was already inside of him, he was a lost cause.

Obi-Wan frowned. ”Are you aware of how little sense that made? I’m not a mindreader, Anakin, you’re going to have to explain it to me.”

Right. Of course. Anakin looked over at Obi-Wan, struggling to make out his face in the dark. He wouldn’t want to hear this. Yes, Obi-Wan had forgiven him earlier, but this time he’d realise Anakin was beyond hope. And as much as it pained him to say it, maybe that was for the best.

”I’ve been having these nightmares for a few months now,” Anakin began, unable to meet Obi-Wan’s eyes as he prepared himself for the inevitable disappointment. “Every night they’re always the same.”

”Months? Why didn’t you speak to me about this sooner?”

”Are you really going to sit here and tell me that you would’ve listened?” Anakin asked, hating himself even as he said it. Even if he couldn’t see Obi-Wan’s face, the shared feeling of guilt was immediate. Anakin ignored it and continued to talk before Obi-Wan could answer his question. “The dreams always start in the same way, with me on the Temple steps watching as this... man... starts to kill everyone. I always try to stop him, but I never have my lightsaber and I’m always too slow...”

Anakin paused, glancing over to Obi-Wan as he listened to his words, genuinely concerned. He carried on talking before he could change his mind and spiral down a never-ending hole of self-doubt. “Anyway, this man kills everyone and all I can do is follow him through the Temple, watching as everyone I love dies, and I’m completely powerless to stop it. Padmé, Sabé, everyone. And it’s always the worst right towards the end because I think I can get to you in time, I think I can stop him but I never do. He kills you and all I can do is watch.”

Surprised that he hadn’t been interrupted by an inevitable lecture on the danger of attachments or something, Anakin swallowed, trying to work up the nerve to admit the final part of the story. The part that would ensure Obi-Wan never wanted anything to do with him ever again.

”Tonight it was different. I don’t know why, but usually the dream ends with the man leaving you for dead on the floor and you die in my arms as the Temple bursts into flames or something. But this time I saw his face and... it was me. I killed you, even after– no, that part doesn’t matter, but the point is, I killed you. I killed everyone and it was me all along,” Anakin finished, feeling a strange sense of relief now he’d gotten that off his chest. Even if this time Obi-Wan finally realised how much better off he was without him, at least he’d know the truth and Anakin would no longer be his burden to deal with. It was out of his control now; whatever happened, happened.

After a pause that seemed to stretch into eternity, Obi-Wan finally spoke. “Thank you for telling me this, Anakin. I’m glad you felt like you could trust me.”

Well, of course. Who else would he trust, aside from maybe Padmé?

”So that’s it? No lecture? No disappointment? No... nothing?”

”I don’t mean to belittle you, my dear, I truly don’t, but I feel like you’re upsetting yourself more than necessary.” Obi-Wan stopped, sounding hesitant. “No wait, that came out entirely wrong. Forgive me, dearest, I’m very tired–”

Tired because _he_ woke him up. Anakin had no idea what the time was, but he did know that it was late – too late. And this was the second night in a row this had happened, not to mention all of his earlier behaviour as well. It wasn’t fair to Obi-Wan, yet he remained endlessly patient and forgiving. Why wouldn’t he understand?

”But... I killed you.”

”No you didn’t.” Obi-Wan reached for his hand. “I’m right here, it was just a dream.”

”But what if it’s not? What if it’s a vision and I really do kill you? What then? I don’t want to kill you!”

Obi-Wan sighed. “Then don’t. It was just a dream, this time I can promise you that. Do try to think about this logically, dear one. For one, rooms don’t just tend to spontaneously combust,” Obi-Wan said with the slightest hint of a smile. Even if he was beginning to feel a bit like an idiot, Anakin couldn’t help but relax. “Also, in a temple full of Jedi, not one of them thought to defend themselves? Not to mention what you just told me yourself; you don’t want to kill me, so don’t. You’re in control, the future is not set in stone due to one recurrent, and mildly unrealistic, dream.”

Anakin looked up and narrowed his eyes. “You’re making fun of me.” But even as he said it, he realised that maybe Obi-Wan had a point. Either way, Anakin felt a lot more levelheaded, put at ease by Obi-Wan’s simple, if teasing, reassurance.

”Of course I’m not making fun of you. I’m simply pointing out that you haven’t exactly thought about this.”

“No, you’re right. They’re just dreams, I’m in control.” Anakin said, as if saying it out loud would ensure it’s truth.

But rationally, Anakin did know that everything Obi-Wan had said was true, at least to some extent. He was only that monster if he let himself be. A lot of things were out of his control but this was his decision and his alone. Palpatine had made it seem like he didn’t have a choice anymore, but Anakin was starting to realise that maybe he’d been wrong.

Obi-Wan was still here, even after everything he’d said and done, even after Palpatine had said he’d never understand. He was beginning to think he’d been lied to and everything he’d ever been told was nothing more than an elaborate manipulation.

”Could you maybe sleep here tonight?” Anakin asked before he could think about what he’d just said, mentally kicking himself when Obi-Wan stilled at his words.

”Are you sure...?”

”Positive,” Anakin affirmed, trying to project confidence into the Force. He’d asked now, he couldn’t exactly take it back. Best to just go with it and hope that he could convince Obi-Wan to stay with him. He didn’t want him to go. “Please? I slept a lot better with you here last night.”

”Very well then.”

Anakin felt himself relax, some of the tension leaving his body. There was still a doubtful voice in the back of his mind telling him that Obi-Wan had only agreed to stay out of pity, that he didn’t really want to be with him, but he ignored it, immensely grateful that Obi-Wan hadn’t left him.

When Obi-Wan made no move to get into bed, Anakin reached over to pull the sheets back, gesturing for him to lay down. “You should really get some sleep, Obi-Wan. I feel bad for waking you up again.”

”You didn’t wake me up.” Obi-Wan lied, but he complied with Anakin’s request anyway, lying far on the other side of the bed.

”Are you sure about that?” Anakin asked, raising an eyebrow in disbelief. “I wouldn’t be surprised if the whole temple was awake because of me.”

Obi-Wan huffed into his pillow. “Well even if you did wake _me_ up, I doubt you managed to wake up the rest of the temple as well. That would be quite an impressive feat, even for you.”

”You think?”

”Oh yes. I don’t mind though.”

Obi-Wan continued to talk, rambling on about something that didn’t _quite_ make sense, but Anakin was more than content to listen, even if he couldn’t follow what was being said.  His voice was a welcome alternative to the self-deprecating noise in his head.  Maybe Obi-Wan was aware of that and that was why he kept talking to him, despite being very clearly sleep-deprived; either way, Anakin was glad he wasn’t alone.

Sometimes, Obi-Wan would be impossible to understand, a man made entirely of contradictions. At times they were so in tune with each other, it felt like that man was the other half of his soul. Other times, it felt like Obi-Wan wanted nothing to do with him, like Anakin had finally overstayed his welcome. Yet these past few days, Obi-Wan had spent all of his time worrying over him, like he had nothing better to do, nowhere else to be, helping him in ways he couldn’t begin to comprehend, and Anakin _still_ hadn’t managed to tell him the one thing he needed to without question. Obi-Wan had assured him he would never think any less of him, even after seeing him at his lowest, even after all the horrible things he had admitted to, but this was different. Somehow, Anakin got the impression Obi-Wan wouldn’t take this quite so well.

He was scared of what his reaction would be. Would he even believe him?

Eventually Obi-Wan stopped talking and Anakin turned over, thinking he’d fallen asleep. Upon closer inspection, Anakin realised that Obi-Wan was still very much awake, lying on his back as he stared up at the ceiling, faintest hint of blue visible even amongst the shadows.

Anakin shifted a bit closer, catching Obi-Wan’s attention. “You’re not asleep yet.”

”I could say the same thing about you.” Obi-Wan retorted, completely unfazed.

”Yeah, well...” Anakin trailed off, unsure of what else to say. “Can I ask you something?”

”Go ahead.”

There was only one thing on his mind, something that had been bothering him for a while, something he’d always been too afraid to ask. Too afraid of what the answer might be. And even if he still felt uncertain, he had to know. He had to know that he could trust Obi-Wan. And he had to ask now, before he could change his mind.

”You don’t have to answer this if you don’t want to, but... do you _actually_ care about me?”

As soon as he said it, he regretted it, the comfortable atmosphere of the room thickening with tension. Of course Obi-Wan would never admit that he cared about him, not in the way he so desperately wanted. Why couldn’t he just be happy with living in blissful ignorance? Why couldn’t he learn to keep his mouth shut?

The silence seemed never ending, the only sound being Anakin’s heavy breathing. But just as he was about to tell Obi-Wan to forget about it and go to sleep, Obi-Wan turned over to face him.

”Of course I care.” he said softly. “I’m sorry if I ever gave you the impression otherwise, it was never my intention.”

_Oh._

Anakin smiled to himself, unable to find the words to accurately describe the relief he felt. Maybe that was for the best though; at the end of the day, Obi-Wan would always be a Jedi and he would always put the code above all else. Anything he said would likely guarantee a lecture on attachments and the importance of the code, even if he had been fairly lenient lately. And forgive Anakin for not being in the mood for that.

With his words failing him, Anakin resorted to actions, closing the gap between them in a matter of seconds, resting his head on Obi-Wan’s chest as he wrapped his arms around him in some sort of half-hug. Beneath him, Obi-Wan’s movements stilled and Anakin felt the need to move away, about to apologise for being so impulsive.

But before he could do so, Anakin felt an arm wrap around him, hesitant but strong. And suddenly he felt safe, protected and comfortable, like maybe things weren’t quite as hopeless as they’d seemed before. Like there was nowhere else he’d rather be. And maybe, just maybe, Obi-Wan felt like that too.

”Not to be awkward, Anakin, but do you think you could move down a little bit?” Obi-Wan suggested after a minute or so. “I can’t really breathe and your hair is going up my nose.”

Anakin moved away, embarrassed as he apologised. “Sorry, Obi-Wan.” He moved again, pressing his back up against Obi-Wan’s chest, pulling one of his arms around his waist. “Is this better?”

”... I suppose.”

”Great. Can we get some sleep now?”

Obi-Wan sighed against his ear. “It’s you who keeps asking all of the questions, dearest.”

Anakin scowled and chose to ignore that comment; even if he knew for a fact that Obi-Wan couldn’t see him, it was the thought that counted. The question was more aimed at Obi-Wan anyway, who thankfully fell asleep pretty quick after that. Maybe it was because of him or maybe it wasn’t, but Anakin wasn’t sure how much sleep he’d been getting lately. Obi-Wan didn’t just seem tired, but completely drained. Just because Anakin hadn’t said anything about it did not mean that he wasn’t worried. He already felt guilty enough about waking him up last night, but he’d only gone and done it again today as well, practically forcing Obi-Wan to sleep with him.

But as selfish as it was, Anakin didn’t feel as bad about it as he probably should. With Obi-Wan pressed up against his back, he finally felt safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing sleep-deprived characters when you’re sleep-deprived yourself is... an experience. And probably not the best idea :)
> 
> That nightmare scene got pretty dark and I probably (definitely) had too much fun writing it...


	12. Chapter 12

The apartment was quiet and peaceful; it was still early and Anakin was asleep, clearly not sharing Obi-Wan’s penchant for early mornings.  Obi-Wan sat at the kitchen table staring down at his half-drank cup of tea, absently swirling the liquid around in a circular motion.  Despite the glaringly obvious lack of company, Obi-Wan was glad that Anakin was finally getting some much needed sleep, even if he couldn’t say the same was true for himself.

It wasn’t as if he’d slept poorly – in fact, it was quite the opposite. Obi-Wan had been entirely too comfortable sleeping with Anakin in his arms, and if he didn’t have any other commitments today, Obi-Wan could’ve quite happily stayed there forever. And _that_ was the problem. But as long as Anakin was alright with it, Obi-Wan was perfectly fine with it too, gladly staying the night if only to make sure that Anakin was okay. Because that was his main priority above all else, it always had been. He only wished he’d made that clearer before.

Sometime later, Anakin slunk into the kitchen, already dressed but dragging his feet as he walked. To Obi-Wan’s relief, the first thing he noticed was how much better Anakin looked this morning – well-rested with some of his usual colour returning to his face, no longer looking quite so grey and worn-down. However, Obi-Wan’s relief was short-lived for the frown on his face was impossible to ignore.

Anakin grabbed a glass from the cupboard and filled it with water, taking a long, slow sip as he started to make himself some toast. He carried out the routine without conversation, offering Obi-Wan an awkward smile when he turned around and accidentally caught his eye. Obi-Wan watched him carefully and without comment, wondering what it was that had gotten Anakin so quiet this morning. Could it be something to do with last night?

”Morning, Anakin,” Obi-Wan greeted as Anakin sat down in the chair opposite him.

Anakin tore off a piece of his toast, staring down at it with a vague disinterest before putting it into his mouth and chewing it slowly. “Morning, Master.”

”How did you sleep last night? You didn’t have anymore nightmares, did you?” Obi-Wan asked. Something seemed off, although he couldn’t quite put his finger on what that was.

”No, just the one,” Anakin said, ripping off another piece of his toast, repeating the process once more.

”That’s good.” Obi-Wan took a sip of his tea and grimaced, deciding it was much too cold to drink. He got up to rinse his mug out in the sink. “I’m sorry if I came across as being dismissive towards you last night, Anakin. Whether you think they’re just nightmares or if you think they’re something more, you can always come to me. About anything, no matter how big or small the problem may seem.”

Anakin nodded. “I know, but you’re right. They’re just nightmares, nothing for you to worry about. I shouldn’t have overreacted like that.”

Obi-Wan sighed as he sat back down. Anakin was taking an agonisingly long amount of time to finish his breakfast. “If something is bothering you then it’s never an overreaction. You shouldn’t be keeping things like that to yourself, Anakin, it’s not healthy.” Anything that was Anakin’s problem was Obi-Wan’s problem too; he just wished Anakin could see that and allow him to help.

”What are you doing today?” Anakin asked when there was finally nothing more than crumbs left on his plate.

”Mace still hasn’t returned from Utapau so I’ve agreed to take over another one of his meditation classes today, although that will only be for the morning...”

Obi-Wan trailed off as Anakin’s frown deepened and he began to trace invisible patterns onto the table with his durasteel hand. “I didn’t realise you were still doing that.”

”Well, it is only a temporary arrangement,” Obi-Wan told him, taking note of Anakin’s tense expression. “You’re more than welcome to join me, if you’d like?”

Anakin hesitated. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

”I don’t see why it would be a bad one. Unless you’d rather stay here, of course.” Obi-Wan shrugged, leaving the decision up to Anakin even if he was quite hoping he’d agree to come with him. After all, Anakin had hardly left the apartment for days and it was quite probable his boredom and lack of human interaction was feeding into all of the negative energy surrounding him in the Force. Maybe later he’d suggest they try meditation again; Anakin could certainly benefit from clearing his head.

”Okay then,” Anakin responded after a few seconds pause. “I guess it couldn’t hurt.”

***

Anakin sat in the back corner of the classroom, watching as Obi-Wan instructed a small group of younglings from the front. There were only a handful of them, the group made up entirely of younglings who hadn’t quite yet gotten the hang of meditation – some took to it naturally while others just needed a bit more support and guidance.

With Anakin refusing to participate, insisting he’d much rather sit in the corner and watch, Obi-Wan was certain he must be bored. Yet, for some reason, he seemed perfectly content to just sit there. Which if Anakin hated meditation, it seemed rather strange he’d prefer to _watch_ others meditate and do so without complaint. Still, Obi-Wan supposed it didn’t really matter, just glad that Anakin had agreed to join him.

After about an hour, Obi-Wan began to wrap the lesson up, allowing all of the children to leave apart from one small girl who was finding the concept of meditation particularly hard to grasp. She had many questions about why meditation was so important, all of which Obi-Wan was more than happy to answer.

As the girl continued to talk, her list of questions seemingly never-ending, Obi-Wan realised the room was not as empty as he’d previously thought, the sound of soft chatter filling the air. He glanced in Anakin’s direction only to discover that two of the boys had not yet taken the opportunity to leave, instead jumping on the chance to talk to Anakin about something. With his focus largely on the questioning child in front of him, Obi-Wan couldn’t quite make out what their conversation was about but could gather from their eager voices they were asking Anakin a lot of questions, all of which he was doing his best to answer. Throughout his time as a war general, Anakin had managed to gain himself quite the reputation amongst the younglings and as a result, the two boys seemed rather awestruck by his presence. Since Anakin didn’t seem particularly bothered by the bombardment of questions, nor the over-enthusiastic children, Obi-Wan left him to it, just happy to see him smile.

Once the girl seemed convinced that all of her questions had been answered to a satisfactory standard, Obi-Wan dismissed her too and she ran off to join the two boys who were still gathered around Anakin, no doubt having another round of questions to ask him as well.

Eventually the talking faded but Obi-Wan was too deep in thought to notice, not realising until a hand appeared in front of his face, waving to get his attention.

”Hey, Obi-Wan, are you with me?” Anakin asked, snapping his fingers in front of his face for reasons unbeknownst to Obi-Wan.

He raised an eyebrow and pushed Anakin’s hand away. “Yes, Anakin, I’m just thinking.”

”Well please don’t think too hard, I wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself.” Anakin grinned, leaning back against the wall.

”Hilarious.”

Anakin shrugged, looking vaguely amused but clearly very pleased with himself.

”You seem like you’re in a good mood,” Obi-Wan said carefully. “What did the younglings want?”

”Oh, nothing much. They just had some questions about the war and stuff. Wanted to know all about the _Hero With No Fear_ and if I’d really managed to defeat Count Dooku by myself.”

Anakin frowned after he’d said that and Obi-Wan found himself thinking back to what Anakin had told him yesterday. Whatever good mood he’d been in before had been ruined.

”Well I do hope you told them of my assistance, I can’t have you taking all of the credit,” Obi-Wan joked, trying to lighten the mood.

”Of course, Master. You were such a great help, I couldn’t have done it without you,” Anakin laughed, even if it did sound slightly forced. “Do you want to go train or something? We haven’t done that for a while.”

”No, we haven’t,” Obi-Wan agreed. “I think that’s a great idea, Anakin.”

***

The rhythmic humming of their lightsabers filled the air as the two Jedi moved on to their third round of sparring for the day. The empty training room glowed as the afternoon sun filtered through the windows, the way the sunlight caught on Anakin’s hair making it appear golden. He smiled widely at Obi-Wan, clearly in his element, his smile contagious. It was just the two of them together in this moment, connected as one and nothing else seemed to matter.

Obi-Wan resumed a defensive stance, waiting for Anakin to deliver his first attack, both of them eyeing the other carefully. Anakin’s second of hesitation was brief but before Obi-Wan could mention it, his saber came crashing down in one fell swoop and Obi-Wan had to move quickly to block his overhead strike, the sudden movement catching him off guard.

He took a half-step back as Anakin withdrew, wiping the sweat from his brow and pushing the hair out of his face. Anakin took another second to recover before moving in for a second attack, their lightsabers clashing in the middle, meeting as one. They fell into their familiar dance with ease, each knowing the other's movements as well as their own. Whenever they fought together in battle or trained side by side as they were doing now, they were one.

With their bond gradually becoming more and more weighed down by their shared exhaustion, sparring together was always a task. Both of them were relatively on par with the other’s lightsaber abilities and so every time they trained together, the match could go either way.

But it was only when Obi-Wan began to gain the upper hand for the third time today did he start to suspect Anakin was holding back. It was only because Anakin’s movements were as familiar to him as his own did he even notice how Anakin’s strikes did not seem to hold all of their usual power, that his attacks were slightly halted, that their bond was marked by Anakin’s hesitation, that he wasn’t giving the match his all. That he wasn’t fighting to the best of his ability.

Obi-Wan took another step back and regained his defensive stance, looking at Anakin carefully. “What, I’m not wearing you out, am I?”

”No, not at all,” Anakin replied, slightly out of breath as he moved in for another strike. A strike that was much slower than usual, holding none of its expected power.

Obi-Wan blocked it and Anakin retaliated with another strike, once again lacking all of his usual enthusiasm. He tested the theory, deliberately leaving his left side unguarded, giving Anakin a clear opportunity to end the fight. He didn’t take it. Obi-Wan tried it again but came away with the same results, all of his suspicions confirmed.

”Okay, stop.” Obi-Wan turned off his saber and attached it to his hip. Anakin frowned and did the same. “What’s going on?”

”What do you mean?”

Obi-Wan crossed his arms and walked over to Anakin. “You’re holding back. What’s the problem?”

Anakin looked down to the floor. “I’m not, I’m just tired. You’re hard to beat.”

Obi-Wan sighed at his predictable excuse. “Anakin, I can tell when something is bothering you, don’t try to deny it. Is this about the nightmares?”

”What makes you say that?”

”I refuse to believe it is nothing more than a coincidence that you tell me about your nightmares, about what you do in them, only for this to happen the very next day. Or is there something else I should know about?”

”I’m n–” Anakin started to object before changing his mind with a shrug. “Okay, yeah, it’s about the nightmares. I just don’t want to hurt you again, like... like I did in the dreams.”

”Anakin, we’re just training, you can’t hurt me. Holding yourself back isn’t necessary, not now, not ever. You are not the same person as you are in your dreams, I trust you completely.”

”You really shouldn’t,” Anakin muttered, making a point out of staring at the floor.

”Well I do,” Obi-Wan said, causing Anakin to glare at him. “There’s no one else I’d rather have by my side, I trust you with my life and have done on many occasions.”

”I... I trust you too. I’m sorry, Obi-Wan.”

”Maybe it would be best if we decided to call it a day,” Obi-Wan suggested, knowing they couldn’t continue when Anakin was thinking like this. “It doesn’t matter how much you trust me or how much I trust you if you’re still not able to trust yourself.”

”Okay,” Anakin agreed, thankfully not putting up any more of a fight.

Obi-Wan narrowed his eyes, resting a hand on Anakin’s shoulder as they walked to the door. “Is there something else bothering you, Anakin? Your mind seems elsewhere.”

Anakin shook his head. “No, but I was thinking, if you don’t mind, could we meditate together like we did yesterday? I think it helped quite a lot.”

Obi-Wan blinked, the question coming as a surprise. He’d expected it to take a lot more effort than that to persuade Anakin to join him again, but he certainly wasn’t going to complain about it.

”Of course we can.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure how to end this chapter so here ya go! Maybe you noticed (or maybe you didn’t), but this chapter took slightly longer than usual to update and was also much shorter... sorry! With lockdown easing more and more every week, I’m actually having to be a normal, functioning human again which means less time writing and more time working... Updates may become slightly more sporadic but I’m still aiming to update at least once every two-three weeks, just to let you know :)
> 
> Also, I’m going to ask here because I don’t know anyone else who actually cares, but has anyone listened to Taylor Swift’s new album yet? If so, does My Tears Ricochet give anyone else major Obikin vibes or is that just me? THE LYRICS, I CAN’T!!


	13. Chapter 13

The soft buzz of conversation sounded through the Temple mess hall, relatively quiet for the early evening, even if that was something Anakin couldn’t say with all certainty for he rarely visited if he could help it. Of course he always had the option to but the refectories were simply someplace Anakin preferred to avoid, mainly on account of the bland and tasteless food they served there. Whenever he was on Coruscant, Anakin usually chose to eat with Obi-Wan back at their apartment or on the rare occasion he didn’t, he’d take the opportunity to meet up with Padmé and Sabé and eat with them instead.

Tonight though, Obi-Wan had suggested that after spending the whole day together, they should just eat in the mess hall to save some time and effort, to which Anakin had agreed. He knew that he could’ve just refused and Obi-Wan wouldn’t have objected, but the truth was, Anakin was glad to get out of the apartment, if only for a couple of hours.

Now they were sitting at a table towards the back of the room with Kit and Aayla, engaging in a discussion about Aayla’s most recent mission to the Outer Rim from which she’d apparently just returned. Anakin was only half paying attention to their conversation as he picked at the rather boring plate of meat and vegetables sitting in front of him, the other Jedi more or less finished with their respective meals. At least now Obi-Wan had someone else to talk to other than him which helped to alleviate some of Anakin’s guilt for what he’d come to realise he’d been putting him through lately. Even if he’d rather be with Obi-Wan alone, Kit and Aayla were still friends of his and it was nice to have some company.

Anakin lifted another forkful of food to his mouth, for once grateful for the meal’s overall lack of taste, not sure if he’d be able to stomach anything else. He was still feeling slightly overwhelmed, the feeling an unusual one for him; not something he was used to experiencing. He felt certain he was hiding it well though; Obi-Wan was sitting right next to him and had yet to say anything about it, which filled Anakin with the confidence he was shielding his discomfort well. While the refectory wasn’t as busy as it usually was on nights like this, Anakin still felt rather uncomfortable at the idea of being in a room full of Jedi, knowing he was hiding the truth from each and every one of them.

It was a similar feeling to earlier when he’d been ambushed by that group of younglings. He’d felt like a imposter, like those children had some warped perception of who and what he was. He wasn’t a hero, he was weak. He wasn’t a role-model, he was a disappointment. Everything that they thought he was, he was the opposite. A liar, a letdown, a liability. He was dangerous, even if Obi-Wan refused to see it. He wasn’t anything more than damaged goods; a burden who caused more problems than he was worth.

But despite all of that, Obi-Wan continued to provide him with his endless love, patience and support. Of course Anakin was grateful for that, but it was still more than he deserved. He’d never be good enough.

With that final thought, Anakin turned to look at Obi-Wan who was still talking to Kit and Aayla. He smiled when he caught Anakin looking, nodding along to whatever it was that Aayla was saying.

”I don’t want to jinx it but it certainly is unusual how quiet the Separatists have been over these last few days,” Aayla said, directing her gaze over to Kit.

Kit nodded. “I would agree, it is very uncharacteristic of them, even if you do take all of their recent losses into consideration. It also makes me wonder about the other Sith Lord and what it is that they’re planning. With Dooku’s death, it’s concerning they haven’t yet retaliated.”

Oh, so they were talking about _that_. Anakin swallowed and shovelled another forkful of food into his mouth, forcing himself to chew it slowly, not wanting to choke and draw attention to himself.

”Careful, Kit, it almost sounds like you’re _wanting_ something to happen!” Aayla teased, lightly elbowing him in the ribs. “You’re not getting bored already, are you?”

”No, of course not.”

Anakin’s ears began to ring as the conversation once again grew distant and far away. Obi-Wan gently squeezed his thigh under the table, concern radiating off of him as he silently asked Anakin if he was alright. Anakin took a slow, inconspicuous breath, risking a glance at the two other Jedi to see if they’d noticed, but thankfully they were still deep in conversation. He turned back to Obi-Wan and nodded, smiling brightly as he tried to project his confidence and reassurance into the Force. And it wasn’t even a lie because Anakin _was_ alright, just slightly overwhelmed...

”So, Anakin, how have you been lately?” Kit asked from across the table, furrowing his brow. “Obi-Wan mentioned to me that you weren’t feeling very well the other day, but I presume you’re feeling better now?”

Anakin glanced at Obi-Wan who just shrugged, removing his forgotten hand from Anakin’s leg. So that was how he’d covered for him.

”Yeah, I am, thanks for asking. I think it was just a 24-hour thing, nothing to worry about.”

Thankfully Kit just gave him a sympathetic smile and left him alone to finish his food. It wasn’t that Anakin didn’t want to talk to Kit and Aayla, he just wasn’t in the mood for any more small talk today. All he wanted to do now was to go back to the apartment and relieve some of his built up stress. It was tiring having to sit here and follow a conversation he had little interest in, particularly when his mind was largely elsewhere. It was always elsewhere. He could hardly focus on anything anymore, barely able to focus enough to catch the odd fragments of conversation, although even then there wasn’t much else he could add.

Well, aside from the obvious, that is.

“I think Mace is due to arrive back on Coruscant early tomorrow morning,” Aayla said after a lull in the conversation. “I heard the clean-up on Utapau has been successful.”

Obi-Wan frowned. “Oh. I wasn’t aware he was due back so soon.”

”Yes, I spoke to him earlier this afternoon,” Aayla continued. “He mentioned something about scheduling a meeting with the Chancellor tomorrow to discuss the future of the Republic and the next course of action for the war. You do remember us discussing that, right?”

”I– Yes I do actually. Sorry, Aayla, I’ve been a bit distracted lately.”

Kit laughed, shaking his head. “You, my friend, need to get some more sleep!”

Aayla and Obi-Wan joined in with Kit’s laughter, although Anakin couldn’t quite find it funny.

Tomorrow. Mace was meeting with the Chancellor tomorrow.

While Palpatine had been a constant concern of his, Anakin had managed to put some distance between himself and what had happened – what he’d been _told_. Now, however, the truth of the matter was staring him right in the face. He had to tell them. He had to. He didn’t _want_ to tell them but he no longer had any choice.

All that Anakin had been thinking about was his shame and his guilt but the truth was, this was a lot bigger than just him; the future of the galaxy was at stake. He couldn’t keep hiding like the scared little boy from Tatooine who was still hidden beneath the layers of the strong Jedi he tried so hard to project. He was better than that, he had to be. He’d been through worse, he could get through this as well.

There was still fear, there was still doubt, but there was also acceptance for what he had to do. Obi-Wan would listen to him, he’d proven that time and time again. What his reaction would be was another matter altogether, but the secret that Anakin was concealing was slowly eating away at him and he couldn’t lie to him for any longer. No, even if Obi-Wan was so disappointed with him that he’d never be able to look at him again, at least then he’d know the truth. Maybe then he’d be strong enough to do what Anakin couldn’t. Obi-Wan could be trusted.

But not now and certainly not here.

When though?

When would be the perfect time to tell Obi-Wan everything that had happened? There was only one person Anakin could even consider in confiding to, even if Obi-Wan would have no choice but to relay everything back to Master Yoda, Master Windu and the rest of the Council. Anakin just had to accept that, whether he be shunned from the Order, or perhaps something much worse, this was what he had to do. Anakin would just have to accept the consequences because it was clear that ignoring the problem wasn’t going to solve anything.

Anakin glanced at Obi-Wan, his heart skipping a beat at the mere thought of losing him forever. But this was what he had to do and not telling Obi-Wan would only hurt him further. It would put not just him, but everything that Anakin loved and cared about in danger.

There wasn’t going to be a perfect time, place or opportunity and there was nothing he could do to change that. Even if he couldn’t speak to Obi-Wan right now with Kit and Aayla sitting just across the table, he had to say something before Mace spoke to the Chancellor tomorrow.

Because it was better sooner than too late.

***

Anakin followed Obi-Wan into the apartment, his stomach a twisted knot of nerves and anxiety. The walk back to their quarters had been tense and quiet, Anakin half a step behind Obi-Wan as he wrestled between blurting everything out or just running away instead. But he was Anakin Skywalker and he didn’t run. No – instead he resorted to lying, hiding and hurting everyone around him in the hopes of achieving Force knows what.

_You’re being ridiculous, just tell him! Tell him now and get it over and done with!_

It had been less than an hour ago that Anakin had made up his mind to tell Obi-Wan the truth, yet in the short time it had taken him to finish his dinner and get back to the apartment, he was already beginning to second-guess himself, too caught up on the ‘what ifs?’ and unsure of where to begin. He should not be finding it this difficult; after all, they were just _words_. What made this any more difficult than rushing headfirst into battle, constantly putting his life at risk day in and day out? There wasn’t any danger here, no fear of impending death, nor the responsibility of having countless of other innocent lives to protect. This was just him and Obi-Wan, the man he loved and trusted above all else and he should be able to do this...

Why couldn’t he do this?

Anakin stopped just inside of the doorway, reluctant to follow Obi-Wan any further into the apartment, suddenly feeling rather out of place, like he didn’t quite belong. Not a second later, Obi-Wan stopped too, seeming to sense that something was wrong. Anakin felt a stab of guilt at that; Obi-Wan always seemed to just _know_ , sometimes before even Anakin did himself.

”Is everything alright, Anakin? You seemed rather quiet at dinner today.”

_Tell him. Tell him. Tell him!_

”Yes.” Before Anakin could even think about his response, the instinct to lie kicked in like a reflex.

_No! For Kriff’s sake, Skywalker, you’re better than this!_

”Are you sure about that?” Obi-Wan asked, narrowing his eyes as he shrugged off his outer robe and his boots. “I can tell when there is something on your mind, even if you do seem quite intent on keeping yourself shielded from me. Is there anything I can do to help?”

”I– um,” Anakin began, momentarily forgetting how to speak, a lump forming in his throat. He forced himself to swallow it down and walked over to Obi-Wan, taking the crumpled robe from his hands and folding it himself, needing something to do to distract his mind. “Yes. I mean no? I’m fine.”

Even before Obi-Wan’s frown deepened, Anakin could tell that he hadn’t been the most convincing. If he’d been in Obi-Wan’s position, he wouldn’t have believed him either. He also would have likely given up on himself by now and Anakin couldn’t understand why Obi-Wan continued to care so much, especially considering how dismissive he’d been towards him lately.

Obi-Wan narrowed his eyes further and looked at his former Padawan with a look he couldn’t quite discern, even if it had become a commonplace over the last few days. “You know, you’re really not as convincing of a liar as you seem to think that you are,” Obi-Wan said, retrieving his now–folded robe from Anakin’s hands. “I don’t know why you feel the need to lie to me but there is quite clearly something bothering you. You know that you can always talk to me, please just let me help you.”

Anakin felt a soft blush creep across his face as he looked down at the floor, throat tightening uncomfortably. Of course it was clear that Obi-Wan hadn’t believed him in the slightest, but now that he was being questioned about it, Anakin suddenly felt rather put on the spot. Even after Obi-Wan had provided him with the opportunity he’d been so desperately looking for, Anakin still couldn’t do it. What was wrong with him?

”Anakin?” Obi-Wan prompted when the silence began to stretch into uncomfortable depths, looking at him with concern etched clear across his face.

Anakin stepped back and ran a hand through his hair, trying to ignore the torrent of abuse his mind was throwing at him. “Yeah, I’m just– I’m sorry. For lying to you, for not...” Anakin wasn’t sure where he’d been going with that sentence so he just trailed off, gesturing aimlessly between the two of them, hoping that Obi-Wan would get the point.

He didn’t say anything though, just waiting patiently for Anakin to continue.

_Tell him!_

_Just tell him, it’s not hard!_

But despite all of the abuse, Anakin still couldn’t make himself do it and he’d never hated himself more than he did in that moment. He felt useless, so small and helpless and it was almost worse this time because he’d fully intended to confess, yet the words still wouldn’t form. He didn’t even know where to begin.

”I really am sorry, Obi-Wan,” Anakin apologised again, knowing he was just making this more painful the longer he dragged it out for. There was now a timer on his actions and Anakin was cracking under the pressure. _He couldn’t do this anymore._ “I need to go, I think I’m just getting tired.”

 _Liar_ his mind screamed at him.

_Liar. Failure. Burden._

The look on Obi-Wan’s face only made it ten times worse. Like he wasn’t even mad at him, just... disappointed? Sad? Let down by Anakin’s inability to do what was right? He didn’t even know and yet he _knew_. Obi-Wan could see right through him, he wasn’t fooling anyone.

A few sentences was all it would take but Anakin couldn’t even manage to do that.

He could feel Obi-Wan’s eyes burning into him as he instinctively escaped into the fresher, turning on the water as the door closed behind him. For now he just left the water running as background noise, trying to ignore the nagging guilt that berated him for such a careless waste.

Anakin slumped forward against the sink, taking a deep, steadying breath as he stared at his reflection in the mirror. How was he ever supposed to be anything more than _this_ , the so-called Chosen One, when he couldn’t even do the simplest of things? He didn’t particularly want to look at himself right now but he couldn’t tear his gaze away either, launching a barrage of self-hatred at the image staring back at him.

He knew that he was making this more difficult than it needed to be. At this particular moment, all Anakin wanted was to go back out to Obi-Wan and to take him into his arms, or to allow Obi-Wan to take him into his, and to tell him _everything_. Everything that he’d been lying about, everything that he needed to know. Because if anyone could help him, it’d be Obi-Wan, and he’d know exactly what to say and do. Anakin wanted his love, his comfort, his reassurance, even if he knew deep down that it was more than he deserved.

But the weaker part of himself forbade him from doing so, keeping him glued to the spot as it insisted Obi-Wan wouldn’t understand. The more Anakin allowed himself to listen to it, the more that voice started to sound like Palpatine and the less he started to believe it. But as much as he tried to argue with it, that fear, that doubt, that self-hatred... it always won.

He promised himself that at the next given opportunity, he’d come clean to Obi-Wan about everything. But that moment was not now. Instead, Anakin found himself going back to the one thing he could rely on for his release, once again choosing to take all of his anger out on himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> False alarm guys, sorry! Feel free to yell at me and tell me what a horrible person I am...
> 
> I feel bad for hurting everyone so much... I started out calling this a fix-it fic but I’m really not fixing anything at all. I think that Anakin’s emotions/perspectives are very warped/up and down in this chapter, but it’s hard to find a good balance for what is realistic for his character and what is realistic for his situation. I think that, at least in my experience, everyone has to reach a low point before they can truly move on, accept and heal. Anyways, let me know what you think, and feel free to add any input, it’s always appreciated :)


	14. Chapter 14

Obi-Wan was sat in bed reading, the soft yellow light from his bedside lamp casting a shadowy glow across the room. Well, he was trying to read anyway, but as he stared at the page, the words slowly melded into one black, solid blur, making less and less sense until he eventually forgot what he’d been reading in the first place.

The earlier events of the evening were still playing on his mind, severely affecting his ability to concentrate. Maybe it was fine and there was nothing to worry about, but every time he moved on to start a new paragraph, Obi-Wan found himself remembering how troubled Anakin had looked earlier, the way it had seemed like he’d had something to say but then changed his mind at the last minute, or even the panic-stricken look on his face when he’d ran into Obi-Wan after coming out of the fresher. Before he’d had the chance to ask him what was going on, Anakin had disappeared back into his bedroom, presumably with the intention of going to sleep. Or perhaps his intentions were more to do with avoiding Obi-Wan’s questions and concerns. That honestly wouldn’t surprise him.

While it was quite probable he was searching for problems that weren’t actually there, Obi-Wan still couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something very wrong. He was already beginning to regret not pushing Anakin harder earlier to find out the root of the issue, if there was even an issue at all. It was Padmé’s advice that kept making its way to the forefront of his mind: _just be patient, if there’s something he wants to tell you, he’ll tell you when he’s ready._ And really, she was right. Yes, relationships had to be built on trust and communication but it was also a two way street; it was all very well Obi-Wan asking Anakin to trust him, but for that to happen effectively, Obi-Wan would just have to trust Anakin too. He’d talk to him when he was ready.

As he went to restart the page he’d been trying to read for what must have been his fourth attempt of the night, Obi-Wan became aware of a sense of fear and foreboding edging its way into his subconscious, distracting him from his book yet again. It didn’t take long for him to come to the conclusion that those feelings were being projected by Anakin and not him, because as frustrating as his inability to read a book was, it didn’t quite amount to the intensity of the panicked feelings flowing through their bond at the moment.

Obi-Wan sighed and decided to give up with his book, setting it down on the bedside table. Reaching out into the Force supplied him with the knowledge that Anakin was still asleep, albeit restlessly, likely trapped deep in the throes of another nightmare, his shields having fallen in his sleep. Obi-Wan bit his lip and deliberated on what, if anything, he should do. Anakin was still asleep and if he went to wake him up now, it wasn’t likely to achieve anything. After all, there was still a possibility that Anakin would sleep through his nightmare and by the time morning came around, the dream would be forgotten about and in the past. Still, Obi-Wan felt incredibly guilty about just sitting here and doing nothing, knowing that there was a possibility he could help. That is, if Anakin would even want his help... he’d already made his reluctance to talk to him perfectly clear and there wasn’t a lot Obi-Wan could do to change that, despite his best intentions.

But just as he’d made up his mind to not get involved, the emotions that Anakin was projecting intensified, so much so that it almost physically _hurt_ and Obi-Wan couldn’t just ignore that. Obi-Wan got out of bed and began to head towards Anakin’s bedroom, still holding onto the hope that the dreams would pass and he wouldn’t be needed. Of course he wanted to be there for Anakin but the question was more did Anakin want him to be there too? There was a fine line between being supportive and being intrusive and it was one that Obi-Wan did not intend to cross.

The shouting didn’t start until he reached the bedroom, muffled cries growing more and more panicked as Obi-Wan rushed into the room and turned on the lights. An echo of an image flashed into focus; Anakin sitting broken on the floor, a blood-stained corpse held tightly in his arms, desperate screaming followed by a hollow sort of laughter. Obi-Wan shook his head and did his best to push the image from his mind, finally beginning to understand what it was that had Anakin so shaken the night before. But even with his obvious agitation and discomfort, Anakin was still very much asleep, despite all of his shouting and thrashing around in bed.

”Anakin!” Obi-Wan cried, raising his voice as he neared the bed, attempting to wake him up.  Whether or not Anakin had heard him, hardly a second later, Anakin’s eyes flew open and he half-sat up, eyes frantically searching the room until they landed on Obi-Wan and widened in surprise.

”Obi-Wan?” Anakin pulled himself into a more upright position and dragged a hand across his face, trying to regain his composure.

”Hello,” Obi-Wan replied after a pause, thoughts stilted by the initial shock of what he was seeing. His eyes found themselves drawn to Anakin’s bare chest and arms, or more specifically, what was on said chest and arms; cuts and scars littered nearly every visible expanse of skin, all in various states of healing and severity. On his right shoulder there was a fairly large bruise and when Anakin moved, the bed sheets slipped down to reveal another bruise stretching across his lower ribs. Anakin didn’t appear to notice Obi-Wan’s shock, vacantly staring into space with a haunted look in his eyes. Obi-Wan took a deep breath and sat down on the edge of the bed. “Was it the nightmare again?”

Anakin bit his lip and nodded. “Yeah, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

”I was already awake, my dear, no need to apologise,” Obi-Wan said, eyes drifting back down to Anakin’s arm which sat upturned in his lap, red, angry scars clearly visible. “Are you alright?”

Anakin nodded, his gaze following Obi-Wan’s line of sight down to his arm, a look of horror passing over his face when he realised what it was that Obi-Wan was looking at. He hurriedly shoved his arm back under the sheets, attempting to hide it from view as shame radiated off of him in waves.

”Anakin, you don’t need to hide it from me, I’ve already seen.”

”You weren’t supposed to,” Anakin muttered, using his durasteel hand to pull the sheets up even higher, still refusing to meet Obi-Wan’s eyes.

In all honesty, that was what Obi-Wan had been afraid of. If he hadn’t happened to see that just then, would he have ever found out? Probably not. Obi-Wan’s first instinct was to be angry with himself for not noticing that anything was wrong sooner but he forced himself to let go of those emotions, understanding how important it was to remain calm and rational, to make sure that Anakin was okay before he could even think about doing anything else.

”How long have you been... hurting yourself?” Obi-Wan asked, deciding to just get straight to the point, even if the mere thought of Anakin feeling like that was his only option made him sick to the stomach.

Anakin gave him an incredulous look. “Do you have to make it sound like that?”

Obi-Wan frowned. “Like what?”

”I don’t know, like it’s a bigger deal than it actually is! I don’t need your pity, I’m fine.”

”Anakin, I’m only trying to understand. If you don’t want to talk about this then I won’t force you to, but I do think it would be beneficial for you if you did. I only want to help you, I don’t want to do anything that you’re not comfortable with.”

”No, it’s okay. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap at you,” Anakin apologised. “If– if you mean this time, then not that long. It’s really nothing for you to worry about. You can just forget that you ever saw anything, I’m fine.”

Obi-Wan’s frown deepened: _this time?_ Obi-Wan wasn’t entirely sure if he wanted to know what Anakin had meant by that but decided to file that question away for later, choosing to keep his focus on the current situation at hand. If there was one thing that Anakin wasn’t, it was fine, although that much had been clear even before his latest discovery.

”Have you at least been taking care of them properly?” Obi-Wan asked, despite being certain he already knew what the answer would be and it wasn’t an answer he particularly liked.

“What’s the point?” Anakin shrugged.

” _The point_ is that this is an incredibly dangerous behaviour and if you don’t clean and bandage your wounds properly, you risk getting them infected. The cuts will scar if you don’t treat them with bacta.”

Anakin snorted. “Yes, thanks for that, Obi-Wan, but I’m really not in the mood for another lecture. They’re fine as they are.”

Obi-Wan sighed and looked pointedly at Anakin’s shoulder. “Well what about that bruise then?” he spoke rather bluntly. “I don’t suppose you’ve treated that either, have you?”

The silence that followed was answer enough.

”Can I at least have a look at them and check that they’re all healing properly? I think it would be a good idea for you to visit the healers as well, th–”

“No, absolutely not!” Anakin cut in defensively. “Can you just leave it alone, it doesn’t matter anyway.” Anakin’s eyes settled on the chair beside the bed next to where Obi-Wan was sitting, gesturing at an old sleep tunic that had been discarded and forgotten about. “Could you pass me that?”

Obi-Wan nodded and reached over to grab the tunic, wordlessly handing it back to Anakin who took it with a mumbled ‘thanks’. Obi-Wan turned away as Anakin began to put it on, hoping to offer him some semblance of privacy, not wanting to make him any more uncomfortable than he already had. He waited until he was sure that Anakin had finished before turning back around to find him sitting cross-legged on the bed, fiddling with the edge of his sleeve.

”Those bruises,” Obi-Wan began carefully, “they weren’t self-inflicted, were they?”

Anakin’s movements stilled and for a moment, Obi-Wan was afraid that he’d overstepped and his question was going to remain unanswered. Even if the answer was pretty obvious, at least to Obi-Wan, there were still a million different possibilities as to how those bruises could have occurred and something told him they were not just an accident, nor something intentional. No, they had looked far too violent for that but since Obi-Wan was not a mind-reader, he was going to need some kind of verbal affirmation before he could continue any further. If that was what Anakin wanted, of course.

”No,” Anakin admitted after a few painfully long seconds of deliberation. He looked up and finally made direct eye contact with Obi-Wan for the first time that night. “Obi-Wan, I need to tell you something.”

”I think you probably do,” Obi-Wan agreed, trying not to let his pure relief show on his face.

”Okay.” Anakin nodded. “I’m not sure how else to tell you this so I’m just going to tell you it how it happened. Can you promise not to interrupt or get mad at me until I’m finished?”

”I can promise that.” Obi-Wan gave Anakin a reassuring smile, even if he wasn’t entirely sure what there was to be mad about. It would take _a lot_ for Obi-Wan to be truly upset with Anakin and surely he must know that by now? Unless whatever he was about to be told was somehow far worse than anything he’d ever been told before...  
  
Obi-Wan put a stop to that train of thought before it could even begin, realising that thinking like that was helpful to neither himself nor Anakin, especially when he had no idea what it was that Anakin was about to say. Sensing Anakin’s growing anxiety, Obi-Wan returned to giving him his full and undivided attention, sending waves of trust and reassurance across their bond. Anakin seemed to relax a bit after that and after a couple of false starts, he finally began to talk.

”So a few nights ago, I went to visit the Chancellor in his office,” Anakin began, voice steady and detached. “He’d requested an update on the Grievous situation and so that was what I’d went there with the intention of doing. We were talking together, nothing any different than usual when he started to say some things that made me feel very... _uncomfortable_.”

Although Obi-Wan had promised not to interrupt, when Anakin stopped talking, he found himself asking, “uncomfortable how?”, already feeling apprehensive about the direction in which this story was heading.

”Uncomfortable like... like I had started to notice that every time that we talked, he would mention more and more things that didn’t exactly seem right and he’d also bring up topics such as the Jedi and the dark side.” Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow at that but continued to listen  attentively to everything that Anakin was saying.  “I know that it’s my fault and I was stupid to not take those conversations as a warning that everything wasn’t quite what it seemed, but I didn’t.  I didn’t want to see it. That night in his office, he’d been talking about the Council again, about you, and he was telling me that he didn’t think they’d ever be able to trust me, that there were secrets they were keeping hidden and they were holding me back.  That _you_ were holding me back.” Anakin paused and closed his eyes, pinching at the bridge of his nose.  “He said that he knew about the dark side and that he’d be able to teach me about it, make me stronger and more powerful than I could ever possibly be without him. That’s when I realised that he was the Sith we’d been looking for and he’d been right under my nose all this time.”

Obi-Wan blinked, taking a moment to process what Anakin had just said.  The Chancellor was the Sith Lord?  He’d always had an uneasy feeling around that man but he’d never considered the possibility of him being a Sith.  Never. But as many questions as he had, Obi-Wan got the distinct impression that Anakin still had more to say and now that he was finally beginning to open up, Obi-Wan didn’t want to do anything that could jeopardise that.  Instead, Obi-Wan stuck to his word and nodded at Anakin to continue.

”After that, it’s all a bit of a blur,” Anakin continued in a small voice. “I tried to do what was right, I really did, but when I tried to arrest him – when he realised that I wasn’t going to accept his teachings – he just _changed._ I should’ve tried harder to fight back but I didn’t and I couldn’t, and I think that he knew I wouldn’t be able to and... and then he raped me. That’s where the bruises are from.”

”Is that everything?” Obi-Wan asked, mind drowning in thoughts that made it impossible for him to form a better response – the response that Anakin needed.

”Yeah, I think so.” Anakin nodded, looking distant as he stared at the wall just behind Obi-Wan’s head, biting on a nail.

”Why... why didn’t you tell me this sooner?”

”I would’ve – I wanted to – but afterwards, the Chancellor said that if I turned him over to the Council, they’d just turn on me too. And I guess I was afraid of what would happen next; what Palpatine would do, what the Council would do, what you would do. The longer I didn’t say anything, the worse I knew it would be when I did say something because of what you’d think of me... I’m so sorry, Obi-Wan, I haven’t been fair to you at all. I was just so scared that I’d lose you, or that you wouldn’t believe me, or that you’d treat me differently.”

”Why wouldn’t I believe you?” Obi-Wan asked, the famed Negotiator finally at a loss for words – there was nothing that he could say to make this better.

”Because it’s the kriffing Chancellor, Obi-Wan, who _would_ believe me?”

”I believe you,” Obi-Wan affirmed, his heart aching for everything that Anakin had gone through – everything that he’d gone through alone. He should’ve been there for him. He should’ve persisted harder to get Anakin to talk to him. Instead he’d left him to deal with everything by himself and he was the only one to blame for that. He should’ve known. He never should have allowed the Chancellor’s borderline creepy obsession with Anakin to develop into the illusion of a friendship. He never should have agreed with the Council when they’d asked Anakin to spy on the Chancellor. He should’ve realised sooner but instead he’d been too selfish, too caught up in his own feelings to notice.

He had to do something.

”Where are you going?” Anakin asked, catching Obi-Wan’s hand as he stood up.

Obi-Wan gritted his teeth. “I’m going to sort this out.”

”It’s the middle of the night, there’s nothing you can do.”

Obi-Wan sighed, realising that he had a point.  As much as he’d like to  confront the Chancellor straight away and give Anakin one less thing to worry about, he also knew that there was very little he could do, at least at the moment.  Especially after everything that Anakin had told him, the last thing he wanted to do was leave him alone.  Rushing into things without thinking them through would never have a good outcome.  Reluctantly, Obi-Wan sat back down.

”You’re angry with me,” Anakin said dejectedly, staring down at the bed. “I can feel it.”

”Of course I’m not angry with you. I could never be angry with you, especially for something that isn’t your fault.”

Yes, Obi-Wan was angry, but not with Anakin. He was angry with himself, he was angry with the Council, he was angry with Palpatine, but not with Anakin. Never with Anakin.

”But it _is_ my fault, don’t you see? I should’ve been stronger, I should’ve stopped him when I had the chance. Instead I... instead I let him–”

”Anakin, look at me,” Obi-Wan cut him off, squeezing Anakin’s hand. “This is not your fault. There is only one person who’s fault this is and that person is not you. I know I can’t possibly imagine what you’re feeling right now but everything will be okay and I’ll do everything within my power to make sure of that. You are not weak, you are the strongest person I know and I’m so proud of you. Anything that you need, I’ll be right here. Palpatine will get what he deserves, I’ll make sure of that.”

Anakin nodded but remained quiet, distant and lost in thought.

”Is it... is it alright for me to give you a hug?” Obi-Wan asked, unsure of how best to comfort him, unsure of what was okay.

Anakin’s lips formed a half-smile as he glanced at him sideways, face resembling something close to amusement although it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “You don’t have to ask me that, Obi-Wan, it’s fine.”

”It’s just basic manners, my dear.” Obi-Wan smiled at him and opened his arms. “Come here.”

Anakin shifted closer and encircled his arms around Obi-Wan’s waist, grip tight and strong as he pressed himself into his chest. Obi-Wan brought his arms up to wrap them around Anakin’s shoulders, careful to avoid knocking the bruise on his right shoulder as he rested his other hand in Anakin’s hair, loosely threading his fingers through the strands.

”Obi-Wan?” Anakin spoke after a minute or so of silence, breath hot against his neck.

”Yes?”

”Thank you.”

”For what?”

”For everything.” Anakin shifted slightly, doing his best to get comfortable.  It had become clear that neither one of them planned to let go of the other any time soon so maybe that was for the best.  “Thank you for trusting me and believing me.  I don’t know what I would have done without you here, if you hadn’t listened to me or been so patient and understanding or just... you.”

The shock of receiving such an unexpectedly heartfelt confession from Anakin wore off quickly. “Anakin, that’s not something you ever need to thank me for. I’ll be here to listen to you for as long as you need me to be, I’m just sorry that I can’t be of more help.”

Anakin pulled back slightly to give himself a clearer view of Obi-Wan’s face, expression disbelieving. “You’re sorry? Why? I’ve caused so many problems for you and yet you’re still here. Even... even after Palpatine said that you’d never be able to truly trust me, that you’d never be able to l– _listen_ to me, you did. I should never have doubted that, but I did and I let you down. I must be such a disappointment.”

Obi-Wan frowned. Just what other lies had Palpatine been using to manipulate Anakin with and for how long? There could be years worth of damage hidden beneath the surface and he’d probably never know the true extent to what those manipulations caused, or what they could’ve caused. Hatred was a strong emotion, one that Obi-Wan rarely experienced but he was certainly experiencing it now. That man was a predator and he’d been preying on Anakin for years – no one, not even him, had been any wiser to what was going on. Anakin had thought he was a friend, for kriff’s sake.

”You are most definitely not a disappointment, Anakin, far from it. I don’t know what else the Chancellor has been telling you but you must realise by now that he is a liar. All of his lies are based off of unfounded knowledge and have no logical basis. At all.”

”Yes, I know. I can see that now. All of this time he’d been using me and I feel so stupid for not realising that sooner.” Anakin buried his head back into the crook of Obi-Wan’s neck, fisting his hands into the fabric of his robes. Obi-Wan sighed and pressed a gentle kiss to the top of Anakin’s head, sending feelings of comfort and reassurance through their bond. Anakin just hummed and mumbled into Obi-Wan’s shoulder, “You’re not going to go anywhere, are you? Tonight or tomorrow?”

”Not if you don’t want me to,” Obi-Wan promised. “I’ll stay for as long as you need me to.”

”Then I don’t want you go,” Anakin rushed to confirm, his fear beginning to subside. “I feel a lot better when you’re here with me.”

Truthfully, Obi-Wan felt a lot better being in Anakin’s presence too. Especially after everything that he’d been told, he wasn’t sure if he’d ever want to leave Anakin alone again. Whether it was the familiarity of the other that served as the comfort, or just the fact the alternative was being alone, Obi-Wan would gladly stay with Anakin forever if that was what he wanted. For too long had he kept his affection for Anakin hidden and for too long had he been distant. There was no way to make up for the past, nor anyway to change his past decisions and actions, but the one thing Obi-Wan could do for Anakin was to be there for him as a friend and to make sure that he didn’t have to go through this alone.

Palpatine would get what he deserved, Obi-Wan would see to that. As horrible as the situation was, Obi-Wan was just glad that it hadn’t turned out worse, like it quite possibly could have if Anakin hadn’t decided to confide in him. Anakin was still here and he was as safe as he could possibly be considering; at least he no longer had to carry the weight of this by himself and he was finally out of Palpatine’s clutches. He’d trusted Obi-Wan enough to tell him about what Palpatine had done, about what Palpatine was, and that made him stronger than he could ever possibly know. He only wished that Anakin could understand that too.

Obi-Wan was still angry, he’d perhaps even go as far as to say he was livid, but as Anakin gradually grew silent and fell asleep in his arms, Obi-Wan meditated those feelings away until he was left with a sense of clarity and acceptance. He wouldn’t be of any use to anyone if he was acting purely on his emotions, especially when they were as strong and as dangerous as the ones he was experiencing now. Instead, Obi-Wan focused all of his energy into staying calm and levelheaded, doing what little he could to make sure that Anakin’s sleep remained peaceful and undisturbed.

As the stress of the day finally began to catch up to him, his shoulder aching from supporting the full weight of Anakin’s body for so long, Obi-Wan moved to gently pry Anakin’s slackened arms away from his body, despite the half-slurred, mumbled protests that followed and laid him down on the bed, careful not to wake him now that he’d finally fallen asleep. After turning the lights off, Obi-Wan slipped in beside him, laying on his side as Anakin curled up behind him, the only sound that filled the room being Anakin’s steady breathing.

Despite being glad that Anakin had trusted him enough to finally open up to him, Obi-Wan’s sleep wasn’t particularly restful that night, perhaps even less so than usual.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, we finally got there. As always, any thoughts/comments are greatly appreciated :)


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter’s been driving me mad. You know when words just don’t want to work? Yeah.

Consciousness came to Obi-Wan slowly, the blurry image of a room gradually blinking into focus. It wasn’t his room; similar, yes, but it wasn’t his. After momentarily forgetting where he was and what he was doing, the familiar sound of Anakin’s soft snoring brought Obi-Wan back to the present and the memories of the night before came flooding back.

 _Anakin_.

Obi-Wan shifted around in bed only to come face to face with a sleeping Anakin, face half-hidden by his pillow. While sleeping, he looked so peaceful, so free from any stress and concern that Obi-Wan almost wished they could stay like this forever and just forget that anything else even existed. But as much as he wanted to do that, he couldn’t allow it; he had a responsibility to fulfil and too much time had already been wasted. As soon as Palpatine had been apprehended, he could allow himself to breathe again, if only for Anakin’s sake. It was too much weight for him – for _anyone_ – to carry by themselves and Obi-Wan would do whatever he possibly could to reduce the burden Anakin was carrying on his shoulders. There wasn’t much he could do, but one thing was for certain and that was that he’d absolutely not allow whatever it was that Palpatine was planning to come to fruition. He’d already caused too much damage.

In front of him, a pair of blue eyes blinked open, instantly finding Obi-Wan’s own.

”You’re still here.” Anakin said, phrasing it as somewhere between a question and a statement, surprise evident in his tone of voice.

Obi-Wan smiled, doing his best to stifle a yawn. “It would appear that I am, yes.”

Anakin didn’t say anything else, a hint of a smile taking shape on his face as he continued to stare back at Obi-Wan, both of them enjoying the moment's silence. Perhaps it should’ve felt more awkward, but it wasn’t. For the first time in months, they weren’t just closer physically, but closer emotionally too. Maybe closer than they’d ever been before.

It was that realisation that caused Obi-Wan to sit up with a start; the longer he stayed here and delayed the inevitable, the more time he spent laying around doing nothing, the higher the likelihood was of him falling back to sleep, which simply would not do. Anakin could stay here and rest, in fact, that was the preferable option, but for now, there were other matters for Obi-Wan to attend to.

The way the sunlight filtered in through the window suggested the day had only just begun, and therefore there was still plenty of time for Obi-Wan to find Mace or some other member of the Council and inform them of what Anakin had told him last night, and finalise their next, and hopefully final move on Palpatine, the Sith Lord who’s hidden identity had finally been exposed.

Next to him, Anakin sat up as well and frowned before asking, “Have you been awake for long?”

”No, not too long. I woke up just before you did,” Obi-Wan replied, absently running a hand through his beard. “Did you sleep well?”

”Yeah, I suppose. No more nightmares, if that’s what you mean.” Anakin gave him a weak smile which was immediately followed by a yawn.

Obi-Wan nodded. “Well, that’s good to hear. And how are you feeling today?”

”I’m... fine,” Anakin said slowly. “About the same as last night, but I’m glad that you know now.”

”As am I, my dear.”

Anakin shot him a sideways smile. “Yeah, I know. You were thinking quite loudly this morning.”

”Oh. Well, how about we go and get some breakfast, then we can think about getting all of this sorted out?” Obi-Wan suggested lightly, moving to get out of bed.

”You make it sound so easy,” Anakin muttered, half under his breath, quiet enough that Obi-Wan had to strain to hear him but he followed him anyway, eyes widening as they reached the door. “Wait, you’re not going to tell the Council _everything_ , are you?”

Obi-Wan sighed, taking note of the troubled look on Anakin’s face. “It’s entirely up to you what you do and don’t tell them, I’m not going to make that decision for you. Whatever you decide, I’ll support it.”

”Then I don’t think I’d feel comfortable with them knowing all of that, at least not yet,” Anakin said after a pause, sounding sure within his decision. “I wasn’t sure if I’d even be able to tell you, I certainly don’t want the entire Council to know as well. I don’t see why they should have to know, anyway.”

”No, of course not. If you don’t want anybody else to know about this then nobody else will have to know about this. I’m glad that you felt like you were able to trust me with this though.”

Ultimately the decision remained with Anakin and Obi-Wan wasn’t going to force him to do anything he wasn’t comfortable with. Yes, he was beyond relieved that Anakin had finally decided to open up to him, but if Anakin didn’t want anybody else to know the full details of that night, then Obi-Wan would accept his choice and support him in it. It was one thing for Anakin to talk to him about this, but to tell the whole Council was another matter entirely, and something that Obi-Wan could understand.

”Of course I trust you,” Anakin smiled and caught Obi-Wan off guard as he wrapped him in a quick hug. “Now can we please go and get some breakfast? I’m _starving_.”

***

  
  
After finishing up with their breakfast and finding out that Mace had landed back on Coruscant late last night with the intention of going to meet with the Chancellor anyway, Anakin and Obi-Wan approached the temple hangar, a sense of unspoken urgency hanging heavy in the air. Seeming to sense their arrival, Mace looked up from what he was doing, expression unreadable as he waited for the two Jedi to cross the short distance that separated them, arms folded across his chest.

”Kenobi. Skywalker. What are you doing here?”

Obi-Wan looked over to Anakin as Mace’s impassive gaze swept between the both of them, but to Anakin’s credit, he seemed mostly unbothered.

”I... _we_ have some important information that you need to know,” Anakin began as Mace just raised a questioning eyebrow, waiting for him to continue. “I think Chancellor Palpatine is a Sith Lord.”

Mace’s eyebrow climbed higher. “You _think_ Chancellor Palpatine is a Sith Lord?”

Anakin nodded. “Yes, he’s the one we’ve been looking for.”

”And how do you know this?”

While Mace’s outwards visage remained steadfast and composed, Obi-Wan could tell that his shock ran deeper than he was letting on. Which wasn’t the most surprising realisation, considering that the possibility of the Chancellor being a Sith Lord wasn’t something anybody had even considered and somehow he’d managed to avoid detection for years.

”He... he told me himself,” Anakin admitted, sparing a second to glance at Obi-Wan for support. “He knows the ways of the Force, he has knowledge of the dark side. He’s hidden it from us for years.”

”Are you certain of this?” Mace asked again, looking to Obi-Wan.

”Absolutely.”

”Then our worst fears have been realised. We must move quickly and decisively if the Jedi Order is to survive,” Mace said, face as grave as ever, although perhaps this time the situation called for it. “Kenobi, come with me. Skywalker, you stay here.”

”But Master Windu, the Chancellor is very powerful,” Anakin interjected. “You are going to need my help if you want any chance of successfully arresting him.”

”It is for your own good if you stay out of this. I can sense a lot of confusion within you, Skywalker, and there is much fear that clouds your judgement. It is for the best if you are to stay here and wait for us to return.” Mace gestured for Obi-Wan to follow him as he began to walk to a nearby gunship where a few other members of the Council were already waiting.

”What? No!” Anakin called after him with a hint of underlying desperation, following Mace to the ship. “Anywhere Obi-Wan is going, I’m going too. You need me.”

”Anakin, are you sure this is a good idea?” Obi-Wan asked, deciding that now would be a good time to speak up before the situation escalated any further. Up until now, everything had been going surprisingly well but Anakin was finally beginning to lose control of his calm disposition.

Mace sighed, slightly frustrated. “You will not be needed. Please go and wait for us to return in the Council chambers.”

”No.” Anakin spoke more firmly this time. “Just– he’s a lot more powerful than he appears. I will not get involved if it’s not your wish, but I will be coming and there’s nothing you can say to stop me.”

Mace looked as if he were about to object, and Obi-Wan half–hoped that he would, but instead he just turned around and boarded the gunship without any further argument, clearly deciding that this battle was not worth his time fighting. Anakin seemed vaguely pleased with himself until he caught sight of Obi-Wan’s worried face and frowned.

”I don’t want to hear it, Obi-Wan,” Anakin told him as he boarded the gunship, lowering his voice to ensure that the others couldn’t hear him. By the looks of it though, Mace was too busy informing them of the latest development for anyone to even notice.

”I wasn’t going to say anything.” Obi-Wan said, following Anakin to the back of the ship as it began to take off.

”But you were _thinking_ it, weren’t you?” Anakin accused, although he didn’t sound particularly angry. “I’m not just going to let you go and confront a Sith Lord without me. It’s my mess, I’m sorting it out.”

Obi-Wan frowned. “But are you sure you’re ready for this?”

”Yes, Obi-Wan. I’m not going to let myself sit around and wait for him to– just don’t fight me on this, okay?”

”I’m not fighting you, I just want to make sure that you’re actually thinking about yourself for once and not forcing yourself to do something that you might not yet be ready to do.”

”I’m not an invalid, Master. Like I said, I won’t get involved if I don’t need to, I’d just feel a lot better if I was there with you. I won’t be any use if I’m just sitting here at the Temple waiting for you to return.”

Obi-Wan nodded absently, not wanting to argue; it was too late to do anything about it now and if Anakin said that he was ready for this, Obi-Wan had no other choice than to believe him. Anakin was strong, yes, but Obi-Wan just hoped that he wasn’t pushing himself too hard to try and maintain the strong image of an unshakeable Jedi, forcing himself to do something that he didn’t yet have to.

***

  
As the small group of Jedi made their way through the corridors of the Senate building with Mace and Agen Kolar leading the way, the Force was a broiling mess of nerves and anxiety, all of which was centred around Anakin and growing stronger by the second. Obi-Wan couldn’t help but wonder if any of the other Jedi had sensed just how troubled Anakin was, or if he’d only noticed because he was so in–tune with Anakin anyway; if any of them had noticed it, nobody chose to say anything, instead continuing to stride forward with a purpose, each step bringing them closer to the Chancellor’s office, each step adding to the tangled mess of emotions swirling around them in the Force.

In retrospect, perhaps Obi-Wan should’ve insisted with more determination that Anakin stay behind, but with Anakin’s adamant attitude and stubbornness, it wasn’t very likely to have achieved anything. He knew this from experience. In fact, Anakin’s face gave nothing away, jaw clenched tightly as he remained unnervingly quiet, none of those sarcastic remarks Obi-Wan had grown so used to hearing. Not that anyone was really saying anything at the moment, but still.

”Anakin, are you sure that everything is alright?” Obi-Wan half-whispered, careful to keep his voice down in order to avoid drawing attention to themselves. In turn, Anakin just shot him an annoyed look and rolled his eyes.

”Yes, Obi-Wan, now would you please stop worrying?”

”You don’t–”

”Yes, I do. Just leave it alone, okay?”

Obi-Wan opened his mouth to say something more but then shut it again, thinking the better of it. In front of them, Kit Fisto spared a second to glance over his shoulder, sending them both a questioning look, to which Anakin went out of his way to avoid with a mild huff. Obi-Wan just gave him a half-hearted shrug as the group turned the final corner before reaching the Chancellor’s office, Mace saying something to Saesee Tiin up front. Anakin took a deep breath and Obi-Wan instinctively reached out to grab his hand, giving it a quick squeeze before dropping it again. Maybe it helped, maybe it didn’t, but for a brief second, the rising tension in the Force seemed to settle as Anakin began to centre himself again.

Mace reached the doorway of the Chancellor’s office first, the other three Jedi following dutifully behind him. Anakin, however, stopped just within the doorway and Obi-Wan didn’t miss the way his eyes scanned over the room before landing on the Chancellor who was sat at his desk, hands folded in front of him and a hint of amusement spreading across his face. Mace took a step forward with Saesee Tiin but Obi-Wan remained by Anakin’s side; now that they were actually here, a sense of uneasiness had settled deep within him, a distinctly bad feeling he’d failed to notice before.

”Master Windu,” the Chancellor greeted with an edge to his voice, smiling as he noticed Anakin standing next to Obi-Wan. “ _Jedi_. What can I do for you?”

”In the name of the Galactic Senate of the Republic, you, Chancellor Palpatine, are under arrest,” Mace announced, igniting the purple blade of his lightsaber, flashes of blue and green following suit.

“Are you _threatening_ me, Master Jedi?” The leering smile in Palpatine’s voice was clear, even if his face was slightly obscured from view by Mace’s shoulder.

”The Senate will decide your fate,” Mace answered back, seemingly unabashed by the Chancellor’s apparent amusement and complete lack of shock or surprise.

Palpatine rose from his chair, gaze flitting between the rest of the Jedi present before landing on Anakin, his predatory stare causing something close to anger to rise within Obi-Wan as he took a protective half-step closer.

“Then I see how it is,” Palpatine nodded, seeming to direct his address towards Anakin, rather than Mace. “Really, it’s a shame.”

And less than a split–second later, a crimson red blade ignited and the Chancellor leapt across his desk, lightsaber raised and poised for attack.


End file.
